Menu
What's New
By:
Filters

Legends of Lootius

Hehe excellent story there Maniac :D

can we expect chapter 3 next time you get intoxicated?
 
The ways of Lootius are unknown. He MIGHT send me another preminition, but he might not.
 
we should do the american thing, and write the Book of Entropia... lol... start our own little cult... eventually committing suicide with atrox dung in our kool-aid... :laugh:
sorry, most of you are probably too young to remember that one... :tongue2:

hey, you think a few rep points might "encourage" another premonition? ...i got a few laughs out of that that i havent in a while...
 
Last edited:
I need more like a few beers encouraged by some Don Julio tequilla - to set me on the Perceptive Channel.

Be patient brothers, and He shall speak to us.

For now, enjoy the picture.

http://animamundi.free.fr/lootiusCalls.jpg
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Lootius Monastery greets a new member.

Brother ZippO

As of yesterday 9 pm CST, he is officially a Lootius Monk. His Divine duty is to worship Lootius - ll the end of his career on that avatar.

----

As of yesterday 11 pm CST Hunter Hawk has been promoted to an Elder Monk. His Divine duty is to worship Lootius AND Spread his Name at least once a day in at least One Town he ventures to - till the end of his career on that avatar.
 
Brothers and Sisters, today I have received great news!
One of our fellow worshippers, ViagraFalls had witnessed a vision of His.

This is a rare occasion when Lootius comes in Contact with mortals, hence, has to be acknowledged.

ViagraFalls had handed me this letter, and I reveal to all of you its contents:

__________________________

Lootius Beckons

Good day, Brother.

If you have a moment, I would please like to share a weird incident
with you that came to pass recently.

The other night, I was lying on the ground near Camp Ithaca,
snuggling the ole' Missus, when suddenly I had a vision.

In my dream, Lootius came to me and spoke. His exact words were:
"Eyup. What's going on down there, ViagraFalls, ole chap? Would you happen
to have any alcoholic beverages left for a God to wet his dry throat with?".
Of course, I was stunned. It is not every day that the God speaks to you!

I cleared my throat, twisted my thumbs, and admitted to Lootius that all the
Jack D had been consumed, and the Ye Old Soopermarkit ran out of beer.
Lootius rolled his eyes and started complaining about how hard it is to
understand the crew at the Heaven/Eleven.
I proceeded asking him why he didn't create a better one, but he was vague
on that subject, mumbling something about there being more important issues
at hand.


Finally, he got down to business, and told me the real reason he contacted
me was to inform me that his son Skillius had been sent down to Calypso to
forgive all noobies for their sins. He asked if I would be able to contact you,
so an organised event could be held where everybody would agree not to
hurt Skillius, and to not mention crosses to him whatsoever.

After I woke up, I found the Missus' breasts to have grown substantially,
probably as a parting gift from Lootius. So without delay, I contact you in
this urgent matter, but of course not before having done the dirty deed with
the Missus.

Respectfully, I reside,

ViagraFalls.

________________________


Having received this note, I hereby announce a gathering for all worshippers on Sunday the 30th, at Camp Corinth, on the Bar Balcony, where our assembly will take place to greet the Young Diety into this world.

All worshippers are welcome to admit the assembly. Alcohol for this event is provided by... .... Faustian! :D

In HOF we Trust!
 
If ANY! wants the T-Shirts made, Take a disc with the logos saved on it as pngs to a T-Shirt Printer, they use pngs with the logos to print them onto shirts
 
Thou shalt not waste ammo

+

Thou shalt give money to charity

=

SYNTAX ERROR
 
Shame on you, Phoenix, Faith is not based on logic. It's based on ... ummm... lost the thought...
 
Faith is based on knowing that drinking more than your share of Jack D, Lootius will demand you pay hommage to him at the porcelain altar.

The winner always has been, currently is, and always will be gravity, and the person shining your shoes.

Thus is was sayeth, and thus it shallst be written.
 
Well, the Recent Service did not gather a lot of worshippers, but a few.
But even if there are 5 people - it is worth telling a tale!

Especially when you get 5 people who are FAITHFUL!

For 5 faithful people are better than a 100 of mindless lambs.

In my opinion, the service this sunday was modest, but still great, and it figues of course, look at who had come - my uber hofers.
Jinker, Gnasher...

The question is... do YOU see a pattern?

Do they hof because they come to service, or do they come to service because they hof?

Maybe YOU should come to Sunday School next time?

Pictures are available here:

https://www.planetcalypsoforum.com/gallery/showimage.php?i=2069&c=20

Faces: Jinker, Arven, Goodyear, Demorior Segnis, some newbie, and Gnasher, whose recent HOF is even available here:

https://www.planetcalypsoforum.com/gallery/showimage.php?i=2006&c=20

Thank you all for coming, and have a great hunting week!
Hope to see more peeps next time!

LOOTIUS BLESS!!
 
maniac said:
Do they hof because they come to service, or do they come to service because they hof?

Maybe YOU should come to Sunday School next time?
Click to expand...

Brother, you are SO right! You are wise in the ways of how He works, indeed.

In our soc, we regularly go on teamhunts. Before we do, we always say a little prayer while we face North, just to offer respect to Lootius. Yesterday, He gave us a very clear signal. I would like to share this experience with you and the rest of our flock.

There were 4 of us in a team yesterday. Three of us prayed immediately when we arrived at the hunting grounds. The person who didn't was urged by us, but he's a staunch supporter of the false prohpet Noobius.

Our first MOB arrived in the form of a blessed Cornundacaudus Provider, and it clearly was sent to us by Lootius. We received a few PEDs worth, and the person who idolizes Noobius received 2 PEDs or so in Wool.

Being a priest, and thus capable of interpreting His signs with an unclouded vision I explained to him that this was a very obvious hint by Lootius that He would share more with him, should He be properly respected.

Noobius was less pleased with my explanation, and sent a nasty Feffoid our way while we were in the middle of a new prayer. And of course, the Feffoid carried no loot! Another unmistakable sign from Lootius, serving as a warning what would happen if the teammember would not properly respect Him.

Most of the flock seem to think Lootius works in mysterious ways, but when one REALLY looks at it, His signs are quite straightforward.
 
lolzor!!

People, this thread is rather symbolic, is it not?

P.S. Mindbuster, check this out, when I post a pic of this size, one of the frame on top of the page, that gray line - goes out of bounds of normal framing, along with the window size of the post.
Just bringing that to attention. As soon as you check it out, I will make this picture a link. I just wanted to point out.

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Skam said:
OMG LOOTIUS IS STARMAN! :eek:


...I KNEW it!
Click to expand...


Shhhhhhhh..... :D

dont let LORD Laggius hear this....


maniac can you dig up those stories of the mighty Hofbutton....

also how Ck bribed Lootius and got the famous HoFtimer....

ohh and rettex affair with Deposita...

let the story continue

:cool:
 
maniac said:
P.S. Mindbuster, check this out, when I post a pic of this size, one of the frame on top of the page, that gray line - goes out of bounds of normal framing, along with the window size of the post.
Click to expand...

...which is exactly why we would like to have clickable thumbs instead of full size pics :rolleyes:

Not much to do about it other than removing the frame, but even doing that the single post with the pic would expand more than the other posts.

So just stick with clickable thumbs :D
 
Hey Maniac, great story. Lootius has never liked me though. i always get the
"this creature did not carry any loot" message. And that 1 pec shirt is freakin hilarious! :laugh:
 
Chapter 4: From Konrad.

The Celestial War


And then Lootius thought that humanity is growing, and He now needs helper Gods to aid him in overseeing the system of Loot Pool.
Of course, He was omnipresent and omnipotent, but he needed some free time to teach the local ladies of Nymphtown a few tactics on watering papplons...

So Lootius created two demigods and named them Craftos and Minerallie.

Lootius gave them authority in one area each, respectively, to oversee crafting and mining events. Like Santa's little helpers, they would carefully reward the believers with as much as they can.

With good thoughts in His head and safe heart, he left the deal to His trustful new children, and retired for a vacation.

Unfortunately, time showed that Lootius's new helpers were not so trustful after all. Craftos turned out to be unskilled, and tended to have extreme preferences on loot rewards. He was hindering the balance of Loot by favoring some people more than the others, based on the outside looks and first appearance. He shifted enormous amounts of Loot one way very often.

This is when people of Calypso started seeing 20-30k crafting HOFs.
Soon, the Loot Pool for crafting was completely emptied by Craftos's thoughtless strategy of favoritism.

While Craftos hindered the crafting balance, Minerallie did even worse.
The demigodette simply became power hungry, and constantly gave insane HOFs to whoever she liked, preferably tall blonde human males. Then she devoured the bombs and exploded them in exstasy, making slaves out of innocent miners, and enjoying the successful ones' bodies in passionate orgies.

Things got out of control. The young demigods were enjoying the power too much and using it carelessly.

Lootius had to awake once again.

However, His task this time was a one of greater complexity. The Demigods spawned, reproduced, and mutated. They spawned multiple false-gods: Minus, Huntos, Noobius, Gatheror, Sweatus, Hofius, Uberis, and many others representing extreme Chaos.

And Lootius was not against humans this time, but against Gods. The fight against Chaos was just to begin.

It is now the era when Lootius is still fighting his deviated self-created apparitions.

It is to us to support Him now. He battled some of them, and, being omnipotent, destroyed them. But the God-spawn continues and grows geometrically.

This is the time of the War of Gods.

I have received a formula for victory from Him, and I hurry with it to you.
It will soon be announced, when the time comes for us to engage.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dif
Stay tuned. There is more to say.
 
Last edited:
Excellent trillogy :laugh: have a +rep :D
May lootius shower you with happyness, and may your children grow up to be succseful hunters wiht ml-45's and get many ATH's. I shall; appeal to the dark lord laggius to join forces with lootius to COMBAT THE FORCES OF EVIL FOR EVER MORE! MHUAHAHAHAHA! yes....
 
Last edited:
The rising of a new God:

There was only hearsay about him. Everybody's hopes on a reliable profession layed on his shoulders. Soon before his arrival was announced, whips, nutriobars, fruits and sweetstuff were auctioned for absurd prices. Everyone wanted a chance to worship their new deity.

And suddenly, Lootius spoke to all in a red message in their chatbox: "My universe will go down in 5 minutes for the preparing of His coming!". And 5 minutes later there was Darkness. The darkness lasted for 6 hours.

And then VU 7.8 was there, and Tamos reached his huge hands down from the paralaxxed Calypso skies and placed stables next to cities, and ugly floating signs showing the obvious direction to where the stables are (which wouldn't be needed if the draw distance was larger, but Lootius is growing old and refuses to buy glasses).

There was Chaos, and people rushed to the next wildernesses in search of tamable creatures. The prices for whips, nutriobars, sweetstuff and fruits went up once again with the uproar that Tamos' arrival caused. And people wasted many PEDs in taming equipment, and whip skill implants, and crafting to get the legendary whips and brushes Blueprints.

And then there was taming. And it sucked. People wasted tons of PEDs to tame ugly noob monsters to a minimum level, and couldn't sell them for nearly as much as they wasted to tame them. And Tamos was hated, and fell into oblivion, banished by the calypsians wrong expectations on him, and their greed on selling taming equipment for skyhigh prices. Tamos, disappointed with the calypsians, yet wanting to gain their love once again, promised that he would make taming more interesting and let a bigger variety of the calypsian monsters be tamed.
 
I praise Tamos for he has made me rich!
 
My brothers and sisters.

Seeing as how Brother maniac has most likely been abducted by those Gods who oppose Lootius, in order to ensure the promised information shall not reach you, the flock, Lootius has passed bits of the secret formula onto a select few.

He passed on information on how to find them in the form of a vision. This vision was then encrypted with an obscure algorithm.

Clues were gathered, cryptologists were <strikethrough>threatened</strikethrough> hired to break the code. Those who were selected by Lootius were traced, and <strikethrough>lifted from their beds</strikethrough> <strikethrough>tortured</strikethrough> <strikethrough>bullied</strikethrough> questioned to assemble the last remaining bits of the formula.

Brace yourselves.

The last bot attack stopped mysteriously and suddenly. Apparently Lootius managed to slay his fierce opponent LameBotEventus, and he replaced him with a city nicknamed NO. As those who studied the magic of Lootius know, 69 in Lootiusism is a holy number. N is the 14th letter of the alphabet, and O the 15th. Add 6 to 14, and one reaches 20. Substract 9 from 15, and one comes to 6. Or, the letters TF. TF clearly hint towards TotalFailurius, most likely the next deity to be smitten by Lootius. However, the NO bit is what matters here. This will be the selected place to perform the ritual.

There were six messengers. Curiously enough, we found them in the following apparently random order: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

This clearly indicates the following, when one ponders more about it. 123456 might seem like a totally random sequence of numbers. But the truth is that within a few days, we all will have a chance to experience it.

For soon, it will be 01:02:03 on May 4th, 2006 (04/05/06). Or:

Code: 
01:02:03 04/05/06

NO will be the location. We now have a date and time, as well as a location.

Now for what to do. As told earlier, Lootius is involved in heavy battles, regularly experiencing attempted drivebys from the other Gods, hoping they will succeed in harming Lootius in some way. One of them actually booked some minor succes when Lootius received a papercut after diving behind a news stand. The perpetrating god was hosed down by Lootius, who started wearing BLP-proof vests, and aided by his friend Uzius.

Clearly, Lootius needs as many believers as possible. Therefore, at the afore mentioned time and place, let us call a big sermon at the aforementioned place and time, and all /respect Lootius.

As a little side effect, this might also lead to the complete and utter destruction of that horrible statue.

Lootius needs you, good people. Dissappoint him not!

(p.s. MindArk? If we pull this off, will you please C4 that hideous thing at the mentioned time? :D)
 
From what I've gleaned

Here's a concise list of everything that I have gleaned from this thread about the Church of Lootius:

Lootian Gods:

Lootius : Master of the loot pool, creator of loot
Marco : The horned guardian of the abyss: the messenger

Demi-gods
Craftos : Wayward master of crafting
Minerallie : Equally wayward master of minerals


Minor-Deities
Noobius : the deity of sweat gathering
Gatheror : the deity of running aimlessly
Depositia : the deitess of mining
Minus : the deity of
Huntos : the deity of Hunting
Hofius : the deity of HOFs



Evil Gods:

Lord Pedbug : Dark high overseer of the disapeering money
Lord Laggius : Rival to Lord Pedbug, overseerer of lag
Lord Defectus : Rival to Lord Pedbug, overseerer of game bus

Totalfailuris : Evil god of no loot
Uberis : Evil god of wayward übers
Scammia : Evil god of scammers
Decayine : Evil goddess of decay

Sweatus : Evil Demi-god of the sweat cap

The Lootian Number:

69

The Divine Ten:

1. Thou shalt not scam.
2. Thou shalt not steal.
3. Thou shalt not lie.
4. Thou shalt not harass newbs.
5. Thou shalt not waste ammo.
6. Thou shalt give charity to the needy.
7. Thou shalt act in justice, and worship the way of the gun.
8. Thou shalt never give up hunting until no longer able to.
9. Thou shalt not wear pink unless a female.
10. Thou shalt love opposite sex, for Lootius is Love.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top