1.
Posted by Congadawg
Q: Why did the mob get arrested?
A: Because he was in-trox-icated.
2.
Posted by JohnCapital
Q: It is considered bad taste to discuss two subjects with naked miners.One is politics. What is the other?
A: Tape measures.
3.
Posted by Kyleen
A n00b gets onto an hangar and sits next to The Nun in the front seat. The n00b looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
The Nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at CP. When the Hangar starts again, the pilot says to the n00b, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The n00b of course says that he'd love to know, so the pilot tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight The Nun goes to the Church's hideout at PA mall, floor 3 #3, to pray to Lootius. "If you went dressed in Angel armor and some glowing powder," says the pilot, "You could tell her you were Lootius and command her to have sex with you."
The n00b decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to Anshe's bank, borrows money, then to the OgiMini's renting service to rent an Angel and then to PA mall, floor 3 # 3 and waits for The Nun. Right on schedule, The Nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the n00b jumps out from the Lykke Wooden Chest from the floor in front of the alter, in Angel armor and glowing with the Angel Helmet of Lootius. "I am Lootius, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The Nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The n00b agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with The Nun.
After the n00b finishes, he rips off his Angel Helmet and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the n00b! "
The Nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the Pilot!"
4.
Posted by Salamander
Flat Broke and Flat Chest are two society friends out for a hunt one day. They blow hundreds of PED each, and they're constantly seeing no loot after no loot, and 20 pec loots when they spend several peds to kill the mob. After a while, with not even a low TT global to show for their efforts, loads of decay and a serious loss, they start spewing curses to the sky. Suddenly they both run out of ammo as a single argo runs up and gradually chips away at them both, sending them packing to a nearby mobile service center. After reviving, Flat Broke and Flat Chest blow the last of their savings on ammo and start running outside and down the ramp hoping for redemption, with Flat Broke yelling out "for the love of God, Mindark, give us at least one stinking global!" As they're running down the ramp, Flat Chest looks to the side and sees Mindark's response.... imagine looking at a blue hand...
https://www.planetcalypsoforum.com/gallery/files/6/3/8/2/same_to_you_mindark.jpg
5.
Posted by Timmmers
Two hunters are out hunting and loot isn't great, mostly hides in fact. A red dot appears right on the edge of radar, and heads right at them at great speed...the more experienced guy starts dropping his hides on the ground where anyone can pick them up...his n00b team mate is puzzled and asks why?
"see that dot coming at us that can only be a mutated chirpy and they kill in one hit, they can run faster than any ava, and if we die here we revive at a really bad outpost where ubers can't escape...so I'm losing weight so I can run faster" explains the 1st hunter as he starts off running away.
"I thought you can't outrun these mobs ..so why lose weight??" asks the puzzled newbie.
"You can't outrun them but I only need to outrun you mate
" replies the green dot vanishing off radar..
6.
Posted By Kalanen
How many uber miners is needed to change a lightbulb?
- You mean before or after the bulb is in TT?
7+8
Posted by Pepto
A new soc recruit was visiting his Soc Leader and was given a tour of his apartment. In the corner was a stuffed Atrox. The new recruit asked, "When did you bag him?"
The Soc Leader said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my lead advisor and the last new soc recruit."
"What's he stuffed with?" asked the new recruit.
"The last new soc recruit," replied the Soc Leader.
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Two atrox were stalking through Amethera. Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue, and licked the posterior of the atrox in front of him. The startled front atrox turned and said, "Cut it out." The rear atrox apologized, and they continued onward.
About five minutes later, it happened again. The front atrox turned, growling, "I said stop it." The rear atrox again apologized, and they continued.
Another five minutes passed, and again the front atrox felt the unwanted tongue. The front atrox turned, giving the rear atrox a ferocious glare, angrily hissing, "What is it with you?"
The rear atrox replied, "I'm sorry -- I really didn't mean to offend you. But I just ate a hunter and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
9.
Posted by Fforest
Q - What is a guaranteed loot from Boorum Males?
A - Four Skins
10.
Psted by O'Hare
Two noobs where out sweating exo's when they came upon one licking his balls
The one noob said to the other id liked to do that and the other replied dont you think you should sweat him first?
11.
Posted by DRDoom
In the good times where the bars where still supplied with beer:
And Australian, a Dutch and a Belgian avatar are sitting together in the Twins Bar after a long good Argonaut hunt.
The bartender walks up to them and ask them what they want to drink.:
The Australian avatar say: "Well I'll have a nice Fosters"
The Dutch avatar say: " I'll take a Heineken"
Then the bartender turns to the Belgian avatar and ask what he wants.
The Belgian ava is looking to the other 2 ava and say: "I have a limonade."
His 2 fellow hunters are looking very surprised to him, where the Belgian ava responds: "Hey, if you guys don't drink beer, neither will I..."
12.
Poted by Tlion714
Q - What does SGA stand for?
A - Seriously Gullible Avatars
Good luck everyone
giver or taker, nm dont want to think about it...
