TommyDaGreat
Stalker
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2005
- Posts
- 1,554
- Location
- Sweden
- Society
- Freelancer
- Avatar Name
- Poisonous TommyDaGreat Snake
Hehe, was bored after my 120 ped loss on bristlehogs today and didn't feel like taking up a new hunt since time was almost 4 in the morning here in sweden. So, of course I started writing a little poem about how the perfect noob would act and reason. Enjoy the reading, took an hour roughly to write 
The noobie - A poem by TommyDaGreat
-------------------------------------
He arrived at Port Atlantis with a not too rocky ship,
after character creation, that itself was a big trip.
The first thing he encountered was a small, suspicious bloke.
"- Can I be your mentor?"; were the few words that he spoke.
He didn't know what to do, and some options then appeared.
He clicked yes and he hoped, but something happened that he feared.
The mentor started LOL-ing and into the distance ran.
"What the hell was that?"; he thought. "I'd better make a plan."
An hour or two later, he had figured controls out,
so he ran into the centre, jumped around and started to shout.
Since noone was responding, he tested an emote.
The name of it was "macho", to which his life he would devote.
After a few hours of stupid questions, a girl he did adore.
Turned out to be a 40 year old man, which quickly pressed ignore.
"Someone give me ammo? Need PEDs to hunt the mobs!
All I want is weapons! Does anyone have jobs?
A new man appeared from nowhere and told him "Better sweat..."
"Now sweat's for sure worth something."; was the thought that he did get.
He ran into the swamps that surrounded this big place,
encountered a big brown mob, that almost reached the space.
It had to be worth sweating, since it was so strong and big.
The humming shortly started, and was heard around the rig.
But when he started sweating, the mob went mad and attacked.
He tried to run away from it, got zapped and whacked and smacked.
He died a horrible death, and thought the life was gone,
he pressed the ressing button, appeared back on square one.
The mobs were hard and uber, there was no kidding there.
He needed somewhere else to sweat. Someone might knowledge share?
After bugging random people for an hour, maybe two.
He went out to Camp Phoenix, where he had been told to go.
Many resses later he had reached this crowded place.
Sweated an eternity, but certainly not with grace.
1000 bottles later, he thought he'd come very far.
So immediately he traded them all for a Nutrio Bar.
"With this I'm sure to PWN you!"; he said to himself so silent.
He then got smacked by a snable, and I tell you, it was violent.
The idea of sweating got boring, and he wanted to try something out.
He ran a bit further south, and saw a Molisk Scout.
Upon the ressurrection, he realized it wasn't funny.
He needed a quicker and nicer way to get his card full of money.
There was this nice and cozy place, the oil rig was it's name.
Maybe he should go there and get a moment's fame.
Said and done, he scouted, he ran, he climbed, he walked.
Arrived a few hours later, met some Black/white guys who talked.
"Hello dear friends, I'm uber!" Was the first thing that he said.
A fraction of a second later, he had this big hole in his head.
Popped up at a shopcontainer and an orange newbie asked.
"Did you come from twin peaks? By your mentor you were tasked?"
-"Now what the hell is Twin Peaks? A strange and occult sect?"
That was when he realized, all the TP's he missed to collect.
Filled with courage and anger, he stormed the rig again.
On the way he found a lizard, called atrox, was that a friend?
The rezzing sound was familiar now, but again the rig was stormed.
However upon arrival, a new alliance had been formed.
They were merely hunting troxies and didn't care about ped,
and all those nasty PKs, wet themselves, bohooed, and fled.
Servers then went down and his anger started to grow.
Upon logging in however, he was alone in this oil flow.
He waited several hours, but didn't see any oil.
The only thing he spotted, was metal cans littering the soil.
After 20 of them had appeared and still noone was around,
He regretted all the time he spent, for this place to be found.
So he set a course to get some money, he was told to gather fruit.
He knew exactly how to get it, it would appear just like sweat loot.
So around and around he walked, in the city of Fort Troy.
And suddely got laughed at by this 7 year old boy.
"Dude, I'm seven years old, and I know that you suck.
Try walking at TI instead, might give you better luck."
After 15 minutes walking, it suddenly appeared.
Didn't look like fruit at all, was brown and the hands got smeared.
"Haha, this game has humour!"; was the comment he did fell.
That's when he realized it wasn't fruits that he did smell.
16 dung piles later, and a haimoros pile too,
he went into atlantis bragging about his goo.
The truth suddely struck him, it wasn't worth a shit.
He went to closest TT, went mad and TTed it.
To give the game a last chance, he tried a treasure hunt.
Someone had arranged it, someone who's mind was blunt.
Somewhere in the ocean, a prize was to be found.
It would be drowned in water, and stuck into the ground.
Many hours later in the map corner, in a gap,
he found a black big armor, and a mega broken FAP.
The value of those items, together was almost five.
So he went to closest TT and his ped card started to thrive.
The armor was shiny and cool looking, but it really had to go,
and so did this strange MOD thing, with which he did not know what to do.
Summarizing his success, based upon a day.
He really saw it coming, this game would never pay.
-"5 ped after many hours, what a big hilarious joke!"
And this my dear and not-so-dear friends, was the last words from this bloke.
The noobie - A poem by TommyDaGreat
-------------------------------------
He arrived at Port Atlantis with a not too rocky ship,
after character creation, that itself was a big trip.
The first thing he encountered was a small, suspicious bloke.
"- Can I be your mentor?"; were the few words that he spoke.
He didn't know what to do, and some options then appeared.
He clicked yes and he hoped, but something happened that he feared.
The mentor started LOL-ing and into the distance ran.
"What the hell was that?"; he thought. "I'd better make a plan."
An hour or two later, he had figured controls out,
so he ran into the centre, jumped around and started to shout.
Since noone was responding, he tested an emote.
The name of it was "macho", to which his life he would devote.
After a few hours of stupid questions, a girl he did adore.
Turned out to be a 40 year old man, which quickly pressed ignore.
"Someone give me ammo? Need PEDs to hunt the mobs!
All I want is weapons! Does anyone have jobs?
A new man appeared from nowhere and told him "Better sweat..."
"Now sweat's for sure worth something."; was the thought that he did get.
He ran into the swamps that surrounded this big place,
encountered a big brown mob, that almost reached the space.
It had to be worth sweating, since it was so strong and big.
The humming shortly started, and was heard around the rig.
But when he started sweating, the mob went mad and attacked.
He tried to run away from it, got zapped and whacked and smacked.
He died a horrible death, and thought the life was gone,
he pressed the ressing button, appeared back on square one.
The mobs were hard and uber, there was no kidding there.
He needed somewhere else to sweat. Someone might knowledge share?
After bugging random people for an hour, maybe two.
He went out to Camp Phoenix, where he had been told to go.
Many resses later he had reached this crowded place.
Sweated an eternity, but certainly not with grace.
1000 bottles later, he thought he'd come very far.
So immediately he traded them all for a Nutrio Bar.
"With this I'm sure to PWN you!"; he said to himself so silent.
He then got smacked by a snable, and I tell you, it was violent.
The idea of sweating got boring, and he wanted to try something out.
He ran a bit further south, and saw a Molisk Scout.
Upon the ressurrection, he realized it wasn't funny.
He needed a quicker and nicer way to get his card full of money.
There was this nice and cozy place, the oil rig was it's name.
Maybe he should go there and get a moment's fame.
Said and done, he scouted, he ran, he climbed, he walked.
Arrived a few hours later, met some Black/white guys who talked.
"Hello dear friends, I'm uber!" Was the first thing that he said.
A fraction of a second later, he had this big hole in his head.
Popped up at a shopcontainer and an orange newbie asked.
"Did you come from twin peaks? By your mentor you were tasked?"
-"Now what the hell is Twin Peaks? A strange and occult sect?"
That was when he realized, all the TP's he missed to collect.
Filled with courage and anger, he stormed the rig again.
On the way he found a lizard, called atrox, was that a friend?
The rezzing sound was familiar now, but again the rig was stormed.
However upon arrival, a new alliance had been formed.
They were merely hunting troxies and didn't care about ped,
and all those nasty PKs, wet themselves, bohooed, and fled.
Servers then went down and his anger started to grow.
Upon logging in however, he was alone in this oil flow.
He waited several hours, but didn't see any oil.
The only thing he spotted, was metal cans littering the soil.
After 20 of them had appeared and still noone was around,
He regretted all the time he spent, for this place to be found.
So he set a course to get some money, he was told to gather fruit.
He knew exactly how to get it, it would appear just like sweat loot.
So around and around he walked, in the city of Fort Troy.
And suddely got laughed at by this 7 year old boy.
"Dude, I'm seven years old, and I know that you suck.
Try walking at TI instead, might give you better luck."
After 15 minutes walking, it suddenly appeared.
Didn't look like fruit at all, was brown and the hands got smeared.
"Haha, this game has humour!"; was the comment he did fell.
That's when he realized it wasn't fruits that he did smell.
16 dung piles later, and a haimoros pile too,
he went into atlantis bragging about his goo.
The truth suddely struck him, it wasn't worth a shit.
He went to closest TT, went mad and TTed it.
To give the game a last chance, he tried a treasure hunt.
Someone had arranged it, someone who's mind was blunt.
Somewhere in the ocean, a prize was to be found.
It would be drowned in water, and stuck into the ground.
Many hours later in the map corner, in a gap,
he found a black big armor, and a mega broken FAP.
The value of those items, together was almost five.
So he went to closest TT and his ped card started to thrive.
The armor was shiny and cool looking, but it really had to go,
and so did this strange MOD thing, with which he did not know what to do.
Summarizing his success, based upon a day.
He really saw it coming, this game would never pay.
-"5 ped after many hours, what a big hilarious joke!"
And this my dear and not-so-dear friends, was the last words from this bloke.
Last edited:
I literally laughed out loud!
