Backpackers guide to Australia.

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Johan Roadkill Deadmeat
First of all... Do not panic!

(yes I viciously stole that line)

This will be a guide how to backpack Australia and also some of my own stories and encounters! I will devise the guide in to segments from start to finish hope you all enjoy!

1. Don't panic.
So you have decided to travel and work in Australia?good for you! But first there are many preparations too be made, many of which can look veeeery scary to a young unexperienced backpacker.
What do you need?
• an Australian bank account
• a work and travel visa
• an Australian cell phone number
• money!!!
• insurance!
• maybe an international drivers license
• a camera
• and well shit ton of stuff you don't really wanna think about.

How will I do all of this by myself!?

Travel companies.
There are tons of non profitable travel companies specifically designed for young travellers and their service is cheap compared to the world of pain you will be in if you lack experience.!
Many travel companies will basically become your Australian mom.
They will:
•Fix all your visa forms
•set up an account for you, all you do is go to the bank show ID and sign and that's it.
• some even have phone numbers for you the moment you get there. More on phones later.
• keep track of your tax file No's and all those stuff you will have forgotten about after a case of goon.
• set up travel insurance for you.
• the one I had even set up 4 days free accommodation for me which is super appreciated after 2 days of flight.
!
Not only will they help you with all the necessary stuff but they will help you find employment, book your bus,cab, plane tickets and find you available accommodation and you can call them about anything you are wondering about.

This may all seen too good to be true! Which is sometimes is... There will be times of course not to their fault when there are no free rooms, no jobs and if your standing there with 30$ left expecting them to find you work with 1 days notice you are an idiot.

Arrival
So you have just arrived, jet lagged and excited! If you landed in Sydney then here are some do's and don't's.

• Sydney here I come and I'm rich!
Having arrived with a substantial
Cash pile you feel like the riches man alive... You are not.
In Sydney living dirt cheap will still cost you about 1-2k$ each month.
Go out partying or visit the strip club at king across and you will quickly find out that 1000$ can be spent in one evening (specially at kings cross if your a dumbass)

I'm not saying you shouldn't party, by all means do but keep track of your spendings.

•Tip from the coach
You wanna party cheap!!!?? Me too !!!
By now you have probably heard about the backpacker elixir of life... Goon.

Goon is box wine and comes in all colours and flavours and usually cost 10-14$ per 4-5L. Holy shit! That's cheap!

Yes but it comes with a price... The lovely ingredient list will tell you it contains traces of: fish,egg,nuts and milk, which explains the absolutely horrifying taste and smell... Your a backpacker so don't fear 2 weeks and you will have gotten used to it... Kidding it still taste shit but your broke so you don't care.

In Sydney however you can actually find a very drinkable box for 10$ at the red bottle shop... Never buy red goon it is a gamble you do not wanna loose.

•Vowed never to drink fishguts?!
So your not ready to take on the challenge of goon, no problem.

In Sydney there is a hostel called "Nomads Westend" I won't lie... The facilities are pretty shit but it's cheap... There is even a room so cleverly named "the church" which houses over 20 backpackers in one room! ... We sure are a sore smelly bunch and some won't even blink as they steal your belongings. So when it comes to stuff as: phones, money, iPods etc you are supposed to be fouking Frodo and keep that shit safe.

Either way if you can stand the lower standard they usually have every night a joint bar round and similar events where you get 1 drink free (two if you give em the puppy eyes) and the chance to win more + a free ticket to the infamous Sydney party bus(I won a ticket by drawing spongebob stepping on a dog while wearing a sombrero equipped with laser swords fighting a ninja).
They also give you free pasta and rice down stairs.
Just and FYI it's 12 stories and last I check only one elevator was working, prepare for long waits if you don't like stairs.

Then again you may want to enjoy yourself like a regular person for atleast one week but where will you go?
My personal favourites specially if your traveling in big groups like nomads is:
Crazy canario
Worldbar
And scubar
Sidebar is okey if you don't mind having the music so loud you can't talk to anyone... Picking up girls will have to be done by Neanderthal like sign languages or by jumping up stage singing with the band.

Tip from the coach: bar tips!
•kissing the bartender will at some bara earn you a free "shot"(you can't buy proper shots here :()
• crazy canario has a 10$ drink called "the bucket" ... Well it's a bucket!


Enough of the partying already I wanna travel!!

Yes my favourite part the traveling!

Phone carriers and Internet.
•Global Gossip
GG is popular amongst backpackers, it lets you call anyone with GG for free and it's the same rate for international calls and texts as national, however the reception is shit poor and for what you pay it's super expensive.!
•Telstra
Telstra has the best reception but will cost you shitloads
•Yes Optus
Optus is IMO defo the best bang for your buck, really good reception, decent pricing and good deals

•smartphones
Will save your life! Internet,FB, skype, booking tickets,checking the map and all those things that makes your experience 100times easier.
For 40$ Optus will give you: 3G data and unlimited calls and texts within Australia, Skype can be used to compromise for the lack of international calls and text(30$ will give you 500mg data and limited calls and texts but you can make international calls and texts)!
I strongly recommend having one.

•surfcamp.
As you arrive in Sydney you can go to a surf camp for a few days of sitting at the beach, drinking beer and learning to surf! ... It is a fun experience but it's costly, you can in reality learn it all for 10 times less then what they will charge in Sydney but more on surfing later.

•bondi
You will want to visit the notorious bondi beach but your over all impression will probable be: I thought it be bigger? Well it's not the seize that matters it's a beautiful place well worth visiting but there are actually much better places in Sydney. Also try your new surf skills there and you will get run over hard by people who's never seen a board in their life.

•Manly
Manly is like taking a vacation from the hectic but very beautiful city, you can take a ferry there for unless my memory tricks me about 6$.
It's less people and stunningly beautiful the beach is even more breath taking with small cafés along the beach. On manly you can surf, kayak and snorkel( even see sharks but reef sharks are the actual gay sharks of the sea not the dolphin so np) also on the end of manly is a small beach called Shelley beach which is thé place to spend in the sun.

Well although there are maaany more good places in Sydney you can easily find them yourself so enough about the big city you should have gotten settled in by now.

I won't go in to that much more attractions and points of interest since it's best told by the backpackers you meet along the way.

What to priorities and what not.

•Car
It may not seem that important at first more like a "fun thing" but a car is a great help later on and it is best to invest in one sooner rather then later. Alot more on cars later.

•employment
If you arrive in the autumn or towards winter I advise you to get your foot in fast cuz when the farm jobs even dry up you can spend over a month looking for any type of employment or more... It's better to build cash first and travel later (I did not and sleeping at McDonalds for a night ain't fun)

Weather is all remember that!

Tip from the coach: surfing!!
Now although I did enjoy surf camp it is much better to go to a small town called yamba located S of Brisbane.
It's the home of billabong and a handful of the absolute top surfers of the world. It is very small and homy. Then go to the YHA run by the henwood family which are a super great bunch! There you can rent a board for 10$ a full day and on selected days Shane will teach you for free how to surf like a pro.. And he knows. All of yamba is also surrounded by many beaches 4-5 of which are well within walking distance !the closest ones will take you 8-12 minutes. Do not miss Shane's 3 hour 10$ tour it is something you will tell every single backpacker you meet there on after and those who's visited yamba will already know the feeling!

supplies.
•food
Best and cheapest place for food and a little bit of everything is definitely Coles. Anything Coles branded is guaranteed to be really cheap but maybe not the best of things, still of you know your way around the kitchen you can make it work for you. If you want to save as much money as possible you can spend as little as 10-20$ per week!

•clothes and random cheap stuff
If you need new earphones, bulk candy, bowls, containers etc and odd things then go to the the Reject shop!! You can even find slutty nurse dresses and all kinds of stuff you never knew you wanted before and it's cheap... Earphones will probably suck though.
Clothes, shoes etc then Target is your target... It is possible to find really nice looking stuff for only 5-10$ instead of 45-95 in other stores. FYI I bet you brought your sweetest looking attire for the ladies but in 2 months, half will be: stolen, missing or ruined cuz you couldn't wash it dry them for a month.


Living

•YHA is quality assures they will always have a pool, tv room, good kitchen etc but sometimes cost alot more. Sydney central YHA will drain you like a money vampire.

•Nomads branch Is for the adventurer always giving you discounts on activities and will keep you going! In cairns the whole hostel went footballing on a nearby grass field and everyone who joined got 2 beers... We celebrated this with a pool volleyball contest and more beer. Nomads Serpent in cairns also has free snake shows a kick ass! Pool and if you buy a drink you also get a free meal (usually something vegetarian and simple)!

Farm work.

•Bananas
Bananas will give you on average more money but they will work you to your limit and there is a chance to loose your hand
•mangos!
Will give you mango rash.. General opinion is to avoid mangos
•limes,pomelloes,lemons
They are okey but the bushes are riddled with thorns so you will look like you've snuggled with Edward scissorhand after.
•ground lvl fruit
Will kill your back unless you don't mind crawling

Getting from A-B
•bus!
You can find a bus leading to most places and it's possible to buy a monthly pass from cairns - Melbourne for around 400-500$(you can only go one way so if you miss something you are screwed.

•Car!!
It's a lot to do and think about but it is absolute freedome!

•Rego(registration)!
Your Rego is slightly different in all states and comes with a basic insurance that covers injuries you cause on other people but not property. You can not have a car regged in another state then that you live in however you being homeless this is easily bypassed by googling some random hostel in some random town and write that as your "home". your post adress can be what ever you like however. Regging a car is most expensive in NSW (new south Wales) but will potentially give you more buyers and for a better price when you sell it.

•third party property insurance.
This is what will save you should you wreck a very expensive car. Many companies will not give you money back should you not stay the full duration if you are not an oz citizen but there is a company that specialise in selling/renting and buying cars from backpackers and they also provide an insurance lasting as little as 3 months and even then should you only stay 2 you get money back. The company is called "Travellers Autobarn" and they have an office in most big cities.(Brisbane,Melbourne,cairns are the ones I remember for sure)
3 months will cost you around 270$ but you are ensured for up to 5 million$! Don't be fooled since if you google the company or call them their site nor their voicemail offers no info what so ever that they actually do insurgence but just give them a ring and ask.

•the car.
It's a backpackers market and you'll find often (specially in Sydney) that the cars are priced at 2-3 times their value. Should you have time car auctions can give you a great deal and a reasonable price however finding a backpacker who is leaving the country is your best bet. Take notice a good offer may only be available for 2 hours!

•What to look for
Even though your car might mechanically be very good don't be fooled by a smooth seller any dent, scratch or bump will drag the price down when you sell it.
A well sought after car without hardly any scratches and going on 300kkm will in reality be worth 1-1.5k and it is possible to score an almost mint condition car for that price if you keep your eyes open. Most people will probably want 2k + though.
When you inspect your possible purchase put it in N and rev the engine a bit, there should be no weird noises coming from the engine and if blue smoke comes out of the exhaust it might be leaking oil. Should the exhaust be very "watery" or if it's very oily on the inside(check this carefully it can be hot) then it might even be a cracked head, this means the engine is completely FKed.
Also check the oil lid for white flakes or foam this could also mean this engine has seen its last days.
Pinch the "hoses" for weak spots if you find any and planing to drive to Alice springs for example get them changed.
Also check that the tires are good, but don't let it scare you from a good deal, used tires can be found cheap.
As a backpacker a radio with Aux, good speakers and an AC is high on the list too!

•What to ask
Why are you selling the car?
Have you had any trouble?
Has anything been repaired?
And always check that the name on the papers matches his/hers ID

•body type
Sedan/station wagons.
Usually offers much trunk space and is not too hard on the petrol(my ford falcon, a backpacker favourite happens to have a straight 6 4l engine and still it's not so bad)
There are other cars that that uses less but their trunk space are usually limited.
•Camper van
The backpacker dream, tons of space, not really the best when it comes to bad roads and steep hills though. Petrol about the same as a station wagon.
•4x4
Takes you anywhere, lots of space but also uses tons of fuel and cost alot of money... IMO sedan or station wagon is your best bang for your buck.

Where to look?
Www.gumtree.com will show anything from cars to surfboards in your vicinity and this is most likely where you will see the "urgent sale" signs from backpackers leaving.
Other good places is to check on billboards in the hostels you are guaranteed to find a few offers of cars for sale no matter where you are almost.

And finally road safety

Now no offence but Australians can't drive..!

The other day a cop pulled up beside me stuck his head out while driving and yelled at me for driving 80 in an 80 zone, it was apparently too slow.. !He then went away in around 100kms and every car around followed him... Talk about doing his job

•Switching lanes
Of you plan your trip then you may only need to switch lanes 3 times even in the cities but Australians act like every car is a slalom pin and zigg zagg from lane to lane to earn minutes which creates a situation where everyone around is in potential danger... And don't act cocky and say you can handle it cuz fact is you can't. You will soon notice a pattern with Australian cars... Almost everyone has a bump from fender benders.

•red lights.
In Australia being 100 meters away from a green light switching to yellow means "speed up" if you wanna live don't expect green to be fully clear always check that other cars slow down and not speed up.

•Physics.
If your driving 90km/h you travel about 30m each second... So staying 10 meters behind someone going 100 means before you even have time to react if the guy infront breaks (reaction time is about 1sec) means you will be occupying the same frontseat as the guy infront of you... Seriously Australia F*uck of with being up my ass and learn to drive

•Safety measurements
Driving in the dark can be dangerous and it's best to stay and sleep if you feel sleepy. But stopping by the roadside in the dark isn't exactly safe so it's always good to put a safety triangle 200 meters behind your car... Sadly it's not a requirement to have one here down under and you can't even buy them at petrol stations... If you ask for one the likely answer is" why do you want one?" !last one I asked didn't even know what you did with them... So I'll say it again: 50-200 meters behind! Your car not right by it. Is the traction bad by the time someone spots you, should you have it next to your car yet again they will occupy the same front seat.

•stay safe and stay alive.
Wish I could say its that easy but it's the retards around you who puts you in danger. Good example is the mountain track between cairns and atherton .. There is atleast 10 tombstones within 20 minutes driving

I have seen better drivers in Africa!

Now should I think of anything else I'll include it, or if you think there is something I've missed or should include then do tell!!
Hope you'll all enjoy backpacking down under and thanks Australia for having me a little bit longer still :D
 
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Good read, info and laugh, thanks!
 
a tip i think you should include is; if you are thinking of going backpacking in Australia, dont watch this movie:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416315/
;)

lived there many years and would like to returne someday. after watching this movie with my gf,
she told me that if i do go back someday, im going alone lol :laugh:

one of the most awesome places to live/visit on earth. if you get a chance, its well worth it.

btw, its actually a great movie, based on a true story, but it will leave you wondering...

Austro
 
a tip i think you should include is; if you are thinking of going backpacking in Australia, dont watch this movie:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416315/
;)

lived there many years and would like to returne someday. after watching this movie with my gf,
she told me that if i do go back someday, im going alone lol :laugh:

one of the most awesome places to live/visit on earth. if you get a chance, its well worth it.

btw, its actually a great movie, based on a true story, but it will leave you wondering...

Austro

Only few months ago someone was murdering backpackers... Not sure if he got caught :laugh:
But yes amazing country!
Good people too, cops are usually very fun not sure what had crawled up the guy I met in cairns ass
 
Umm... The spiders? The crocs? The drop bears? The sharks? You left out all the important bits!
 
Umm... The spiders? The crocs? The drop bears? The sharks? You left out all the important bits!

Meh picking limes if had huntsman spiders jump at my face, snakes attack, never met a croc but I'd very much like to and sharks I did have a little mention in the manly section!

To elaborate sharks then.

•Sharks
There are only a handful sharks that are regarded as "mankillers" the fourth one seems to vary but I'll say which ones I think deserv the name thé most.
1. Bullshark, The most dangerous and unpredictable of them all capable of living longer times in freshwater, hunts in murky wares and won't hessitate to strike at anything that moves. Usually it bumps you first before striking he ce the name.
2. Tiger shark, aggressive and big! The biggest shark ever documented was one of these beasts, special teeth and strong jaws alow them to eat even sea turtles.
3. The great white shark, juvenile sharks will come too close to humans and that's when accidents happen. On the contrary of popular beliefs they do not eat humans only "taste" which is a big problem whe then they can swallow you whole.
4. The oceanic white tip was the biggest fear of sailors during the second world war as the are found far away from coast lines, add this to unpredictability and you've got a mixture for trouble. This beast was the headline for the killings in Egypt where it learnt that people=food due to people paying locals to feed them illegally, anything else you've heard is wrong anyone who knows the slightest about sharks will agree with me in that part.

I have done plenty of dives with sharks and they are friendly creatures but a little too curious! Will also be doing the white shark cage dive at port lincoln soon
 
New stuffzz!!!

Sorry for going on and on about driving but in less then 2months I have driven 20000kms so well I've got lots to include.

Australia on Roadsigns:
In Australia they care greatly about your looks and health while you are out cruising, you will find that every mile or so you'll see;

•fatigue kills!
•rest if tired!
•smoking kills!
•are you mentally disturbed? Take action now!
•tired drivers kill!
•these boots will make you a man!

And so on signs which is great!(and very annoying)

However what Australia lacks!
•direction signs! You'd think there were signs telling you when to turn of towards the nearest big city? Nope many time you keep driving waaay of course

•warning signs other then fatigue and lack of fashionable boots.
You'd think there would be signs telling you;
!"oh btw this road might end in 100kms in to a river or stone query so unless you're driving a 4x4 this might be a bad road cuz you'll end up walking through rivers until you realise there are crocs there which will make you scream like a sissy and then have to go back and run out of petrol and then u be fecked son"
But no...!

Australia and the outback!
Are you a peace loving pacifist?

"Well then you're gonna have a bad time m'key"

While driving in the outback you are a speeding killing machine! You will kill something and when that happens hope to have a Canadian guy in the car so he can find a giant rock and crush the head of what ever you almost killed.

•kangaroos
The are suicidal how they have survived this long is evidently through !lots and lots of shagging

•emus
Why did the emu cross the road?
It didn't cuz some guy in a big truck rammed a pack like they were bowling pins.!
They are no road runners these guys Wile Coyote must have stopped using ACME products cuz these birds loves to stand on roads face hugging 4x4s

•owls
Owls are often portrayed as smart but this is far from the truth..
They sleep or hunt on the road and when something scares them they fly towards the moon(or what ever round bright light they see, namely your headlights) if you haven't seen a surprised looking owl lick the windscreen at 130km/h you will now

Now a little update on a previous topic:

Car registration: or how I like to call it: the prostate exam

I may have made it sound easy previously but when it comes to any government they have a magical way of bumming you hard.

As a non Australian you need to be able to prove that you have been to what ever address you put as your home address for atleast one day.
Being at the service office in person a block away from that address does not make them believe you.

Solution:
Ask the hostel to print and official form confirming your presence.
Make sure they make it out to exactly the name that is on your passport cuz if you for reasons unknown have your middle name first then 5 IDs and some yelling will not convince them that your first name is something else

•do not lock yourself out of the car and then break in to it using cost hangers ... The police will love you

•don't get drunk and buy strippers...
 
Go back to Sweden ya whinger :)

I have managed to live in Australia and drive for 30 years without once driving into a creek :)

We manage to look out the windscreen and see creeks coming, people need signs everywhere
when they dont bother to read maps and find out where they are going before they actually get there.

stinking backpackers.

:)

Other than that i'm sure you had a good time and met some good people :) enjoy the time you have left and stop whinging, put that ABBA cd in and think of home :)

can ya hear the drums Fernando? :)
 
Go back to Sweden ya whinger :)

I have managed to live in Australia and drive for 30 years without once driving into a creek :)

We manage to look out the windscreen and see creeks coming, people need signs everywhere
when they dont bother to read maps and find out where they are going before they actually get there.

stinking backpackers.

:)

Other than that i'm sure you had a good time and met some good people :) enjoy the time you have left and stop whinging, put that ABBA cd in and think of home :)

can ya hear the drums Fernando? :)

Haha :D it's all good fun afterwards though

Had so many good times down here but now am I trying to sell the car and go home!
Aussie are way more friendly then swedes aswell, both guys and girls buy me drinks :laugh:
 
Thank Benny Bjorn Agnitha and Frida for paving the way :)

good to hear you had a good time, goodluck with the car sale.
 
Sounds like you had a lot of fun mate. :laugh:

Pretty accurate description of signage & wildlife though, all a part of the experience of travelling through Australia.
And yeah, no surprise people bought you drinks, it happens.
Did you manage to get accustom to the local slang and foul mouthing? :silly:
 
Sounds like you had a lot of fun mate. :laugh:

Pretty accurate description of signage & wildlife though, all a part of the experience of travelling through Australia.
And yeah, no surprise people bought you drinks, it happens.
Did you manage to get accustom to the local slang and foul mouthing? :silly:

Aye, I be cussin' like a pirate now, me mother will wash my mouth with soap

Jokes aside I think I've got my hands on the lingo:laugh:
 
Some funny stuff there Johan... can you tell us the exact route you travelled after landing in Sydney?
 
Some funny stuff there Johan... can you tell us the exact route you travelled after landing in Sydney?

When I get home I'll make a map of my traveling route and the best places to go :)

Just noticed I called the bar "crazy canario" when it is in fact called "scary canary" btw :laugh: will fix that when I have something other then my phone cuz editing is a bitch
 
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Watch out for the Drop Bears.....

Drop_853f75_668068.jpg

Drop-Bear-Size-Chart.jpg

Dropbear-Photo-1.jpg
 
Watch out for the Drop Bears.....

Drop_853f75_668068.jpg

Drop-Bear-Size-Chart.jpg

Dropbear-Photo-1.jpg

Lol that reminds me of south Australia where they warned about koalas but said nothing about falling rocks two times the seize of my head could be falling down from above as you're driving... There were alot of rocks and 0 koalas
 
so this is the route we took approximately :D we did do alot of detours and wrong turns but didn't bother to add them also that map is confusing as hell.... melbourne,alice springs,brisbane etc wasn't even marked :laugh:



urgh... can't zoom in close enough to see the memes and text i added :laugh: oh well atleast the route is clearly marked
 
Deathifier has LA´s in Australia as well?? :lolup::laugh:


hmm :( You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to johan roadkill again.
 
tip

Buy the loney planet guide.
Then try to stay away from all the places mentioned in there!
The best things I've seen in Australia were the places with the least people.

Buy a car!!

Buy a car!!

Buy a car big enough for a bed in the back.

Stay away from hostels!! Unless you want to fuck and get bed bugs!!
 
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