The great reputation spreading thread
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ChadGareau
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- Chad Wizardo Gareau
More Jackass Jokes
The teacher in Johnny´s school asked the class what their parents did for a living.
One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.
When it was Little Johnny´s turn, he stood up and said “My mom´s a whore.”
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal´s office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.
So the teacher asked “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?”
Johnny said, “Yes.”
"Well, what did the principal say?"
"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number…"
The teacher in Johnny´s school asked the class what their parents did for a living.
One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.
When it was Little Johnny´s turn, he stood up and said “My mom´s a whore.”
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal´s office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.
So the teacher asked “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?”
Johnny said, “Yes.”
"Well, what did the principal say?"
"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number…"
Crone
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Crone checked and couldn't help noticing most jokes are about sex. Is it possible for you lot to think of something else? 
New challenge: use jokes that do not have sex in them. Do you even know one?
Here's the other bar joke Crone promissed ages ago.
A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him. "I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue. "Of course!" the 1st guy exclaims, "here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too." Their exchange continues:
1st: Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?
2nd: St. Catherine Street. And you?
1st: St. Catherine Street, same as you!
2nd: Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?
1st: St. Jospeh's Boy's Academy.
2nd: Son of a bitch, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!
This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?" The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunk again."
New challenge: use jokes that do not have sex in them. Do you even know one?Here's the other bar joke Crone promissed ages ago.
A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him. "I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue. "Of course!" the 1st guy exclaims, "here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too." Their exchange continues:
1st: Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?
2nd: St. Catherine Street. And you?
1st: St. Catherine Street, same as you!
2nd: Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?
1st: St. Jospeh's Boy's Academy.
2nd: Son of a bitch, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!
This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?" The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunk again."
Nor Alien
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How do you get a one armed MA employee out of a tree?
: wave to him!
How do you get a two armed MA employee out of a tree?
: bring a friend!
Acro
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A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!”
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying:
"Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"
The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying:
"Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"
The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
Acro
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A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
Tycoon
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