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FYI: Bones Mentor Joke Of The Day

Adopt a mentor .. desciples wanted!

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In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight
leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and
jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get
on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow
her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver
she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again
she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she
still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for
a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her
chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped
the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was
unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line
picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on
the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero
screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even
know who you are!"

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree
with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured that we was friends."


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Bones
 
Give me desciples .. or give me death .. wait .. just desciples!

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A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'.
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'


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Bones
 
Desciples .. desciples everywhere .. no desciple for me : (

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A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos!

Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters

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Bones
 
Bones said:
Desciples .. desciples everywhere .. no desciple for me : (

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A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos!

Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters

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Bones
Click to expand...

Oh, and this to me is a problem IRL :laugh:

Is your ( amusing ) thread actually getting a result in terms of mentors? I am interested for real... cue Baron Cohen. aka the man
 
What is a Mentor without desciples ? ...

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Woman walks into her psychiatrists office and says:
"Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about freudian
slips? Well, I had the most amazing one last night.
I was eating dinner with my mother, and I meant to say,
"please pass the salt," but instead I said,
"You god damn bitch, you ruined my life."

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Bones
 
no joke .. desciples wanted

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What's the difference between a ritz
cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!


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Bones
 
Mentor for hire .. desciples wanted

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A husband said to his wife
"Get your coat on love, it's time to go to the pub."
She replied "But you NEVER take me out."
"I'm not," said the husband,
"but I'm turning the heating off before I go."


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Bones
 
Desciples wanted .. desciples needed

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Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else
in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the
bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE
DAYS before they figured it OUT.

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs
despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past
SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light
bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to
stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT
BULBS CAME IN! WHY?!

BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER
WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP
THROGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.

THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did
you ask me?


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Bones
 
bones said:
desciples wanted .. Desciples needed

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q: How many women with pms does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One. One!! And do you know why it only takes one? Because no one else
in this house knows how to change a light bulb. They don't even know the
bulb is burned out. They would sit in this house in the dark for three
days before they figured it out.

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs
despite the fact that they've been in the same cupboard for the past
seventeen years. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light
bulbs, two days later the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to
stand on to change the stupid light bulb would still be in the same spot!!
And underneath it would be the crumpled wrapper the stupid @*!#$% light
bulbs came in! Why?!

Because no one in this house ever carries out the garbage!! It's a wonder
we haven't all suffocated from the piles of garbage that are 12 feet deep
throghout the entire house.

The house!! It would take an army to clean this... I'm sorry...what did
you ask me?


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bones
Click to expand...


Damn Right!! :D
 
Last edited:
Disciples are needed

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One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate
trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on
shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold
a genie popped out.
"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me,
I will grant you one wish."
"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while,
and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love
handles."
"Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of
smoke...
And her ears promptly fell off.


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Bones
 
Bring on the disciples!

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A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is
foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a
close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small
wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between
your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber
proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow
like everyone else does."


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Bones
 
Give me disciples or give me de... just give me disciples.

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A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving
that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,
'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when
he's been drinking."


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Bones
 
Yay .. Beacons are back .. disciples wanted

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Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday . I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said;"After I talked about ' Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery 'I remembered where I left me hat'

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Bones
 
Desciples accepted again

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says hey we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper looks at him and says " you have a drink named Steve".


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Bones
 
Disciples wanted
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ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: ADAM
ATOMIC MASS:
Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg.
OCCURRENCE:
Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface normally covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity to gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:

1. Highly ornamental.
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens don't come
into contact with each other.

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Bones
 
See! We aren't hard to figure out! :laugh:


Bones said:
Disciples wanted
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ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: ADAM
ATOMIC MASS:
Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg.
OCCURRENCE:
Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface normally covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity to gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:

1. Highly ornamental.
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens don't come
into contact with each other.

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Bones
Click to expand...
 
Disciples wanted

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A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.
He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."


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Bones
 
thought Softy might like this one :yup:

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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. Actually, only one to screw it in.
The other 3 are there to listen to him
brag about the screwing part!


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Bones
 
Bones said:
thought Softy might like this one :yup:

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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. Actually, only one to screw it in.
The other 3 are there to listen to him
brag about the screwing part!


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Bones
Click to expand...

LOL and here I thought you were joking yesterday
smile.png


But its probably more like .....

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: Cause all four are busy bragging about which 1 of them will actually do the screwing.
 
Two for Tuesday

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Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything!

...............................................

Q: How many men does it take to mop the floor?
A: None, it's a women's job


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Bones
 
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