Menu
What's New
By:
Filters

Greedy "friend"

Fanan

Fanan

Stalker
Joined
May 27, 2008
Posts
2,061
Location
Portugal
Avatar Name
Fanan Head Shot
Hello guys!

I post here to ask for advice.

I have a very old friend that keeps me asking for money! Almost every time we meet he ask me for money. We have great fun together and I enjoy a lot to hanging out with him but for more than 12 years that we know each other, I probably lent him more than ten thousands of dollars I believe, yes 10.000 USD, and he only paid me back once and only a part of it, that was back in 2013. Eight years ago, that's a lot of time.

I don't trust him much anymore all this time we know each other and lending him money almost every month some times more than one time per month and he only paid me back once and it was like only 1/3 of the total that I lent him.

Today we meet again and after two or so hours with him, he already asked me for more than 40 USD. I don't wanna damage our relation but it's getting to a point where I don't trust him anymore and I really think he will never return not even close to 50% of the total of money that I lent him. What should I do? To continue to trust him blindly and keep putting even more money on his hands or call it "enough" and break this parasitism relation?
 
You need to decide what you want out of your friendship. From here on out if he "borrows" money you need to be okay with giving him the money, not lending him money. You will not get your money back.

If you're not okay with giving him the money do not let him talk you into borrowing it. You yourself said this has been going on for 10 years, I think its safe to say a pattern of behavior has been established with this time period.

If he ceases to be your friend once you won't lend him money, well then, he wasn't really a friend at all was he?

My two cents

EDIT: this is reminiscent on my stance of lending money to family. My rule is any time I lend a family member money I never expect to be paid back. I'm at peace with giving them the money. My justification for it is that maintaining a relationship with my family is more important to me than the money is. So I'm okay with either outcome.

If this friend is someone dear to you, then you need to be at peace with never getting your money back before you lend it. Or don't lend the money in the first place.
 
Last edited:
MsPudding said:
If this friend is someone dear to you, then you need to be at peace with never getting your money back before you lend it. Or don't lend the money in the first place.
Click to expand...

Just to piggyback off that, if they are someone dear to you, if you basically indicate you can't give them money anymore, and they pretty much cut ties, you aren't considered a dear friend on their side of things. It's either going to set proper boundaries, or lance the boil depending on how the other party really views things.
 
Last edited:
Ask him how he's doing, really, he might have bigger problems which he don't dare ask for help for. Tell him you can't borrow him as much anymore unless he starts building up your trust and tells you what's really going on?! I mean if it's an old friend and all? Just my two pec
 
He has been using you to get what he wants for 10 years, in this case money. Though if you still wanna be his friend even without him paying the money back simply don't borrow him anymore and tell him if he want to remain your friend that's a big nono on lending anymore money. However since you been used for so long it's very easy to fall back to same habit eventually he may try to lend again and you may do it.

Personally i'd cut ties with him and tell him to pay it all back if he wants to continue the relationship. Abuse like this should not go unpunished otherwise they'll just abuse someone else and never learn.

Just my two pecs.
 
My last posts on a similar topic were deleted (as will this one)

But if you can find a pic of a Hog, a Leopard and a Cheetah. you can work the rest out for yourself.

Your friend is no friend Fanan. What you decide to do is up to you.
 
i'll be you friend for only $8,000

seriously - do you have shared friends you can ask if he does this to them? can he possibly have some issues with gambling, drugs, hookers - maybe?
 
when you give someone $ on a regular basis, you have become a source of income. Is not really lending if you aren't getting paid back and have no way to force repayment(like repossessing a car). If you have to lend someone $ for them to be your friend, they are not your friend, they are an employee.
 
IMO, the money isn't the important thing, but rather the reason he's asking you for money. Is he a gambler, does he drink excessively, or maybe he owes someone else money (someone that'll do him damage). It's never a comfortable situation, but asking him why he needs the money might open a window to the insight that you can possibly help without money.

It's clearly making you uncomfortable, so it's possible you need to do something about it sooner than later. Don't let it fester.
 
MrFatBoy said:
i'll be you friend for only $8,000

seriously - do you have shared friends you can ask if he does this to them? can he possibly have some issues with gambling, drugs, hookers - maybe?
Click to expand...
I do it for 6K dollar.... :ROFLMAO: Just kidding

I know people like that ... you will never see your money again. You now have to decide whether you want to continue buying a friend or whether you want a real friend for a change. You seem to be a nice and good person, don't let yourself be taken advantage of, you definitely don't need to.

I wish you all the best
 
Xavier Target said:
when you give someone $ on a regular basis, you have become a source of income. Is not really lending if you aren't getting paid back and have no way to force repayment(like repossessing a car). If you have to lend someone $ for them to be your friend, they are not your friend, they are an employee.
Click to expand...

an Employee without a benefit.... apart, to be not "alone"
 
That you felt the need to ask this question is in itself the answer.. the friendship is sadly already damaged.
If he/she is a true friend that has simply been thoughtless, then stopping helping and making them take responsibility for their own spending, shows you care and want to see them get a grip. If they walk away then they were never a true friend they were a freeloader.
It would be sad for you but there are nice people in game and I hope this all works out for you
 
Entropy is a form of gradual decline, if you're looking for reciprocity, depending of what that is to you, you may be looking through the wrong end of the telescope, or maybe in the wrong place altogether.
 
Fanan said:
Hello guys!

I post here to ask for advice.

I have a very old friend that keeps me asking for money! Almost every time we meet he ask me for money. We have great fun together and I enjoy a lot to hanging out with him but for more than 12 years that we know each other, I probably lent him more than ten thousands of dollars I believe, yes 10.000 USD, and he only paid me back once and only a part of it, that was back in 2013. Eight years ago, that's a lot of time.

I don't trust him much anymore all this time we know each other and lending him money almost every month some times more than one time per month and he only paid me back once and it was like only 1/3 of the total that I lent him.

Today we meet again and after two or so hours with him, he already asked me for more than 40 USD. I don't wanna damage our relation but it's getting to a point where I don't trust him anymore and I really think he will never return not even close to 50% of the total of money that I lent him. What should I do? To continue to trust him blindly and keep putting even more money on his hands or call it "enough" and break this parasitism relation?
Click to expand...

IMO posting this here you pretty much know what the right thing to do is, but you are to much of a nice guy to do it and are asking for a push in the right direction.

Here is my advice: Sum up the totals "borrowed" and the totals returned. Present the numbers and ask if (s)he have a plan on how to pay you back.....

If this is a IRL friend (s)he might have a gambling problem and you could point towards professional help.

Either way. You are not helping by loaning more money .
 
Have been through some rough spots in my time and I can tell you that real friendships does not end with money.
Debts have to be repaid, on way or another.
And financial problems is something one has to handle on his own. A friend can help in critical situations, but if the that situation last over 10 years than something is a bit fishy.
Either your friend does not want to improve his financials or he simply got used in other people helping him out.
 
Fanan said:
Hello guys!

I post here to ask for advice.

I have a very old friend that keeps me asking for money! Almost every time we meet he ask me for money. We have great fun together and I enjoy a lot to hanging out with him but for more than 12 years that we know each other, I probably lent him more than ten thousands of dollars I believe, yes 10.000 USD, and he only paid me back once and only a part of it, that was back in 2013. Eight years ago, that's a lot of time.

I don't trust him much anymore all this time we know each other and lending him money almost every month some times more than one time per month and he only paid me back once and it was like only 1/3 of the total that I lent him.

Today we meet again and after two or so hours with him, he already asked me for more than 40 USD. I don't wanna damage our relation but it's getting to a point where I don't trust him anymore and I really think he will never return not even close to 50% of the total of money that I lent him. What should I do? To continue to trust him blindly and keep putting even more money on his hands or call it "enough" and break this parasitism relation?
Click to expand...

Why do you need a "friend" who needs you only when he needs money? This is not friendship and you can never count on such a "friend" in a difficult moment. You now have more of a "friendship of habit". I am sure that if you delete this person from your life, you will not lose anything.
 
Maybe i'm a weirdo but here is my 2 cents.

For some reason i think that Fanan is talking about a made up friend. A made up friend that constantly drains hes wallet...
Sounds familiar, huh?

I think Fanan's money draining friend is Entropia Universe... i actually checked entropialife to see that Fanan's last big hof's were in 2012/2013.
As he refers to hes friend last time giving 1/3 of the lended (invested) money back in 2013.

I could continue but i won't, maybe i'm totally off...
 
In this game its easy to find "friends" if you're loose with your peds. I used to give things away, guns and ammo to put together proteron teams for newbies and such. Was typically a pretty fun time, even on my dime, but it simply opened the door for beggin. Luckily for me, most of the hundreds of noobs quit, but the few that have stayed around, for the longest time expected me to give them free stuff.

The game can be boring without actual friends, and it is difficult to find good ones.
 
Tell him you don't have a banking license, and since MA has been locking many avatars lately you're not comfortable continuing to violate the ToU.
Or, more seriously, take MsP's advice for what it's worth. I couldn't have said it better.
 
Would they still be your friend if you stop giving them money? The answer to that question might give you some insight as to what to do perhaps...

No friendship should be contingent on one person's ability to supply the other with money/items/etc

Also thought you were initially talking about MA :D
 
If your "friend" is Mindark you are not lending them money. There is a cost associated with any game development and maintenance. There is another game where you pledge support via in game items and people get hung up on the costs of items but your not really paying for the item in so much as supporting the development of the game. There are ways to mitigate your cost to play and even recoup or profit in game and that is what Mindark offers. The money I've spent in game has always been for entertainment first and foremost with opportunity to withdraw funds if I need them and can wait.

There have been times in real life where I have picked up the tab for real life friends because we are having a great time with no conditions of repayment. There is a limit though to how much I lend to friends and family and if they don't make good on repayment then I don't lend them money again. Typically I don't like lending money since it drives a wedge into relationships. That being said I've had a couple business opportunities that have proven fruitful and others that meander for years with no progress, those that meander I consider a loss over time. No matter what I definitely scrutinize dealings these days more so than when I was younger.

I really look at every instance where money is involved these days and ask myself can I afford it? Is the value worth the price? what are the consequences of my actions in regards to spending or lending money in this instance?

If everything leans towards a negative outcome then its time to rethink my actions. No reason to throw good money after bad.
 
Last edited:
RavenJade said:
I think the friend's name is Mindark... sorry I don't mean to name and shame :D
Click to expand...

Perceptive and correct.

OP's first mistake was entering the relationship thinking Mindark was a friend. They are a service provider. You should be asking your "friend" if the service the friend provides is worth the cash or if your skill level is too low to make use of the service.
 
I honestly wish I had a friend like you in my life sometimes; it can be helpful.
If a friend asks you for money or borrows your stuff, you will never get them back.
I borrowed my weights to a friend, never saw it again. Terminate with immediate effect.
 
Last edited:
I had a friend over many many years. Very fun to be with, great sense of humour, and the type that never got into fights and hard quarrels.
But a leech. He rarely borrowed cash, but when he did it was a battle go get it back. Lend him, say, 1000 and then get back 500, then 100, then nothing.
Worse was his use of friends (and others). He'd offer a sum to get some work done, or something made . Whatever. Never paid up the total promised. Often enough skipped payment altogether, to anyone he bought goods from.
I lost some reputation on occasion, by association.
He would borrow things that was never returned.
I was very found of the chap, despite all. But in the end I quit on him. The money lost, but more so all that time spent on someone ultimately superbly selfish frustrated me. More and more, and he would / will never change.

My two pec's: May be hard to let go, but that is sometimes what one must do. Some will take relentless advantage of those who are kind.

Wish you the best man :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top