Pirx Danford
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Wait! Star Wars had a story? 
If you don't like criticism DONT READ THIS! Regarding latest patch.
- Thread starter JJO
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- Corrianna Trina Xenophage
hehe nice rant was very entertaining..
Sadly in all that you did not mention which monkey gets to fuck the football next..MA /FPC /RT.
Can we start a running schedule so we can at least start a betting pool to see what the next round of totally useless non functional un thought thru pile of unwanted crap gets shoved our way next?
FIRE THE FUCKING LEAD DEV HE IS TOTALLY BURNED OUT AND HAS LOST HIS CLUE OF WHAT IS NEEDED VS WANTED!
Sadly in all that you did not mention which monkey gets to fuck the football next..MA /FPC /RT.
Can we start a running schedule so we can at least start a betting pool to see what the next round of totally useless non functional un thought thru pile of unwanted crap gets shoved our way next?
FIRE THE FUCKING LEAD DEV HE IS TOTALLY BURNED OUT AND HAS LOST HIS CLUE OF WHAT IS NEEDED VS WANTED!
JJO
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I've been a bit busy sleeping through the GRIPPING WAR, the ONE OF A KIND EVENT which promised a GRIPPING fight and deep storyline, so I could not post much, but now that it's drawing to a close...
I feel I am in the right mood to post something new... this snippet will be entitled...
WAR - WHAT FUCKING WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Please note, all EBN & Col Briers quotes are 100% unaltered)
The "state of the war" updates from EBN and Colonel Briers + his inept task force, have left me and some other mercenaries rather...... perplexed. Let's take a closer look at these gems of information BEFORE we elaborate on what they did for us in the war and question the tactics and orders of those in command, those like Colonel Briers!
1st Contact:
EBN News: Harbingers are attacking Zychion Citadel, Nymphtown and Jason Centre. An encrypted robot message was intercepted this morning, but so far it has not been decrypted.
What is the point of releasing a god-damn official statement to tell us that you have an encrypted message, but you don't know what the fuck it is because you haven't been able to crack it yet?!?! It was so surprisingly advanced that people, back on earth, in the year 1975 could easily have cracked the hex code in under a few minutes! The sheer thrill of the suspense made me contemplate if I'd even bother shooting at the enemy VS my usual prey, oh colonel. But no doubt you and your task force were truly stumped by this one, good thing we have hex calculators freely available on the net...
Do I smell Gin?
It is likely that the message was intended to coordinate the attacks, but Colonel Briers thinks that it may have a hidden purpose.
No shit, we thought they wanted to say merry X-mas in bot speak or maybe drop some of that promised SUPER TECHNOLOGY your! intel claimed we would encounter! They sure as fuck coordinated the attack colonel, 95% of their forces got bogged down in a 3 mile wide half mile deep crater with no hope of ever getting out! If you've ever, first hand, seen some war Colonel, you'd know of something called a CHOKE POINT, you draw the enemy into a tight spot, flank them and lay waste to the fuckers whilst laughing. These harbs and bots did that without us hardly doing shit, we just had to shoot! Who the hell designed these harbingers, cause they don't seem like they had much of a tactic to start with, so how are they the GRAVEST THREAT (play scary music now) we have ever faced? They bog down in a hole and then try to fix TITAN (some long since stopped smoking pile of shit they got past your brilliant defences last time), by first digging the fucker out then turning him back online, possibly replacing the whole thing part by freaking part as we shoot the fuck out of them from the crater rim? They must lack any sort of LOGIC CHIP as not one fucking bot did the calculation to realise it's cheaper and loads easier to rebuild a new titan in the zero gravity of space, than fix a rusted pile of shit that got fused into a solid ball of glass and steel from the heat of impact, years ago............. WHILST BEING SHOT TO FUCKING KINGDOM COME BY US AS THEY DO IT!!! They looked more like they were fighting themselves than us! An exercise in fratricide, war my ass colonel, this enemy is a a conspiracy launched by the army to rid us of pocket change!
WE know the bots and their true makers know the significance of the Place they dropped Titan at, but why start a war where everyone expects them to appear AGAIN? I thought robots were not sentimental? The last time we were there the servers were so fucking crap the capitol became a ghost town (that must be the only place in the universe that happened), now you want us to fight a war there? I know you'll supply us with extra ammo for all the lost shots, but really Colonel - were in (sarcasm mode on) "GRAVE DANGER" so each shot counts! Again i smell conspiracy!
A second revelation was made some time later - giving us great news to press on!:
EBN News: In a special press meeting this morning, Colonel Briers announced a change of strategy. “So far, our operations have been focused on defense and investigation; to safeguard our fragile society and investigate the threat. That strategy is now at an end. We will now take the fight to the enemy!”
Speak for yourself Colonel (cowering away in your office counting the taxpayers dollars you use to feed your war-machine), we we're already engaged in Rwandan style genocide with the fuckers for over a week! The only people that did investigations where noobs and poor people, without guns, who could not top up year end bonuses (and we know, we vtol'd them in)! THAT'S why you promised them stupid diplomas so we'd go out and bodyguard them! We respect the show of strength you made, but that red glow on your face the morning you made the statement had GIN written all over it. Please Colonel, don't plan war tactics in the depth of a hangover! Even if its a fake war and you know we're not really in ANY danger.
Colonists who have previously helped in the investigation and defense can talk to Colonel Briers at the Needle Tower in Port Atlantis to be briefed about the new strategy.
Yes, no doubt over a few cold gins right Colonel? The new strategy was rather unimpressive...
With people privy to the meeting stating afterwards, "the Colonel soaked up the gin like a sponge whilst reiterating phrases like "keep up the X-mas Bonu... I mean good work" and "the enemy has been overwhelmed and are retreating... keep Topping up those bonus... ah feck, drilling them full of plasma holes!"".
Needless to say, people have stood around with the profound question wrecking their minds, why the fuck is he so persistent and who's he cheering on? I mean the fuckers never even got out of the crater? A few downed pods were laying, in majour cities, FOR WEEKS, without so much as one genius from the Military thinking of removing them and dumping them in the sea. It would have been more of a challenge than facing the suicidal groups that actually teleported through to face us. 500 fucking groups back to back, annihilated by planetary defence forces and mercenaries alike, and not ONE SHIT sent back a transmission to warn the other 500 groups still waiting for deployment, that they are attacking in too small groups to be effective! People were merrily standing about conducting street trades as usual, OH THE TERROR and in the HEART OF BATTLE! Guess they only have one way communication in harbinger land. Yes this is our gravest threat yet - MY ASS! Back on earth over 2 centuries ago, in our tribal wars, any poor bicycle peddling fuck in VIETNAM got his ass blown apart if he dared try and sell vegetables on the battlefield! But NOOOOO, out here in the hostile frontiers of space, thousands of light years from earth, we can grow crops as the enemy attacks, since they just end up as fertilizer!
They also initially sent highly advanced attack ships, which were the first units we encountered (presumably to soften us up), as they quietly and without aggression simply hover in the sky as we pelted them down! And where the fuck did they get our rocket launchers (did the army supply them - conspiracy again)? The things were so fucking advanced!!! they got stuck in TREES! We could have just started planting more trees around the city in anticipation - but then where would you get all that public spending for the BONUS... I mean war effort?
Sorry colonel, I might be charged with treason for this, but you promised a war monger "like myself" a PROPER WAR! An epic clash with a fearsome foe, a gripping storyline tied in with a bitter fight for survival.... instead you give me a plot about as deep and exciting as that of a cheap porno movie and an enemy so sophisticated they make the Neanderthals look like interstellar warriors (at least they could coordinate well enough to kill thousands of mammoth with sticks and stones), these fuckers sit in holes and get stuck in trees ffs.
Give us something....... to fight and something to fight for.
I Hope this brainfart was worth something to someone
I feel I am in the right mood to post something new... this snippet will be entitled...
WAR - WHAT FUCKING WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Please note, all EBN & Col Briers quotes are 100% unaltered)
The "state of the war" updates from EBN and Colonel Briers + his inept task force, have left me and some other mercenaries rather...... perplexed. Let's take a closer look at these gems of information BEFORE we elaborate on what they did for us in the war and question the tactics and orders of those in command, those like Colonel Briers!
1st Contact:
EBN News: Harbingers are attacking Zychion Citadel, Nymphtown and Jason Centre. An encrypted robot message was intercepted this morning, but so far it has not been decrypted.
What is the point of releasing a god-damn official statement to tell us that you have an encrypted message, but you don't know what the fuck it is because you haven't been able to crack it yet?!?! It was so surprisingly advanced that people, back on earth, in the year 1975 could easily have cracked the hex code in under a few minutes! The sheer thrill of the suspense made me contemplate if I'd even bother shooting at the enemy VS my usual prey, oh colonel. But no doubt you and your task force were truly stumped by this one, good thing we have hex calculators freely available on the net...
Do I smell Gin?
It is likely that the message was intended to coordinate the attacks, but Colonel Briers thinks that it may have a hidden purpose.
No shit, we thought they wanted to say merry X-mas in bot speak or maybe drop some of that promised SUPER TECHNOLOGY your! intel claimed we would encounter! They sure as fuck coordinated the attack colonel, 95% of their forces got bogged down in a 3 mile wide half mile deep crater with no hope of ever getting out! If you've ever, first hand, seen some war Colonel, you'd know of something called a CHOKE POINT, you draw the enemy into a tight spot, flank them and lay waste to the fuckers whilst laughing. These harbs and bots did that without us hardly doing shit, we just had to shoot! Who the hell designed these harbingers, cause they don't seem like they had much of a tactic to start with, so how are they the GRAVEST THREAT (play scary music now) we have ever faced? They bog down in a hole and then try to fix TITAN (some long since stopped smoking pile of shit they got past your brilliant defences last time), by first digging the fucker out then turning him back online, possibly replacing the whole thing part by freaking part as we shoot the fuck out of them from the crater rim? They must lack any sort of LOGIC CHIP as not one fucking bot did the calculation to realise it's cheaper and loads easier to rebuild a new titan in the zero gravity of space, than fix a rusted pile of shit that got fused into a solid ball of glass and steel from the heat of impact, years ago............. WHILST BEING SHOT TO FUCKING KINGDOM COME BY US AS THEY DO IT!!! They looked more like they were fighting themselves than us! An exercise in fratricide, war my ass colonel, this enemy is a a conspiracy launched by the army to rid us of pocket change!
WE know the bots and their true makers know the significance of the Place they dropped Titan at, but why start a war where everyone expects them to appear AGAIN? I thought robots were not sentimental? The last time we were there the servers were so fucking crap the capitol became a ghost town (that must be the only place in the universe that happened), now you want us to fight a war there? I know you'll supply us with extra ammo for all the lost shots, but really Colonel - were in (sarcasm mode on) "GRAVE DANGER" so each shot counts! Again i smell conspiracy!
A second revelation was made some time later - giving us great news to press on!:
EBN News: In a special press meeting this morning, Colonel Briers announced a change of strategy. “So far, our operations have been focused on defense and investigation; to safeguard our fragile society and investigate the threat. That strategy is now at an end. We will now take the fight to the enemy!”
Speak for yourself Colonel (cowering away in your office counting the taxpayers dollars you use to feed your war-machine), we we're already engaged in Rwandan style genocide with the fuckers for over a week! The only people that did investigations where noobs and poor people, without guns, who could not top up year end bonuses (and we know, we vtol'd them in)! THAT'S why you promised them stupid diplomas so we'd go out and bodyguard them! We respect the show of strength you made, but that red glow on your face the morning you made the statement had GIN written all over it. Please Colonel, don't plan war tactics in the depth of a hangover! Even if its a fake war and you know we're not really in ANY danger.
Colonists who have previously helped in the investigation and defense can talk to Colonel Briers at the Needle Tower in Port Atlantis to be briefed about the new strategy.
Yes, no doubt over a few cold gins right Colonel? The new strategy was rather unimpressive...
With people privy to the meeting stating afterwards, "the Colonel soaked up the gin like a sponge whilst reiterating phrases like "keep up the X-mas Bonu... I mean good work" and "the enemy has been overwhelmed and are retreating... keep Topping up those bonus... ah feck, drilling them full of plasma holes!"".
Needless to say, people have stood around with the profound question wrecking their minds, why the fuck is he so persistent and who's he cheering on? I mean the fuckers never even got out of the crater? A few downed pods were laying, in majour cities, FOR WEEKS, without so much as one genius from the Military thinking of removing them and dumping them in the sea. It would have been more of a challenge than facing the suicidal groups that actually teleported through to face us. 500 fucking groups back to back, annihilated by planetary defence forces and mercenaries alike, and not ONE SHIT sent back a transmission to warn the other 500 groups still waiting for deployment, that they are attacking in too small groups to be effective! People were merrily standing about conducting street trades as usual, OH THE TERROR and in the HEART OF BATTLE! Guess they only have one way communication in harbinger land. Yes this is our gravest threat yet - MY ASS! Back on earth over 2 centuries ago, in our tribal wars, any poor bicycle peddling fuck in VIETNAM got his ass blown apart if he dared try and sell vegetables on the battlefield! But NOOOOO, out here in the hostile frontiers of space, thousands of light years from earth, we can grow crops as the enemy attacks, since they just end up as fertilizer!
They also initially sent highly advanced attack ships, which were the first units we encountered (presumably to soften us up), as they quietly and without aggression simply hover in the sky as we pelted them down! And where the fuck did they get our rocket launchers (did the army supply them - conspiracy again)? The things were so fucking advanced!!! they got stuck in TREES! We could have just started planting more trees around the city in anticipation - but then where would you get all that public spending for the BONUS... I mean war effort?
Sorry colonel, I might be charged with treason for this, but you promised a war monger "like myself" a PROPER WAR! An epic clash with a fearsome foe, a gripping storyline tied in with a bitter fight for survival.... instead you give me a plot about as deep and exciting as that of a cheap porno movie and an enemy so sophisticated they make the Neanderthals look like interstellar warriors (at least they could coordinate well enough to kill thousands of mammoth with sticks and stones), these fuckers sit in holes and get stuck in trees ffs.
Give us something....... to fight and something to fight for.
I Hope this brainfart was worth something to someone
Last edited:
Teiwaz Storm
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LOL
hmmm.. but I spreaded already, didn't I?...+rep next time
hmmm.. but I spreaded already, didn't I?...+rep next time
JJO
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Nah don't worry about the +rep, i'm not rep farming, I just post this stuff so we can laugh (and cry) a bit about things in entropia
hogfather
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Hideo
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...
Sorry colonel, I might be charged with treason for this, but you promised a war monger "like myself" a PROPER WAR! An epic clash with a fearsome foe, a gripping storyline tied in with a bitter fight for survival.... instead you give me a plot about as deep and exciting as that of a cheap porno movie and an enemy so sophisticated they make the Neanderthals look like interstellar warriors (at least they could coordinate well enough to kill thousands of mammoth with sticks and stones), these fuckers sit in holes and get stuck in trees ffs.
...
I Hope this brainfart was worth something to someone
i had a good laugh
, especially the cited paragraph sums it Their is no NO way im buying the tank or the new boat the tank is dam slow and low si and very expensive i can afford It but im not buying a pice of rubbish total fail.,,, the pit bull is more better faster big si and cheaper.
And the forum rules thats way thay ban people thay take away freedom of speech here just what is this forum any how like op said about the tank and terroist things makes you think who mindark real are i see it as a get rich thing for black budget goverment funding
I LOVE THIS THREAD WE SHOULD HAVE MORE OF THESE
The ubers always show off at PA with new toys causing lag for many with low computing power
this game has potential and is a great game but the owners aka mindark are messing it up bring back the old sytems mentoring beacons and all
10$ would be gone in 1 hour make this game more playable
miss shots what the hell i could understand if i missed the mob but i hit the mob so i should get the hit damage its a scam in my eyes
and i bet the forum admin is gouing to ban me for this speech huh and i dont care about the rep it doesent mean anything its the internet for crying out load it does not have meaning
And the forum rules thats way thay ban people thay take away freedom of speech here just what is this forum any how like op said about the tank and terroist things
makes you think who mindark real are i see it as a get rich thing for black budget goverment funding I LOVE THIS THREAD WE SHOULD HAVE MORE OF THESE
The ubers always show off at PA with new toys causing lag for many with low computing power
this game has potential and is a great game but the owners aka mindark are messing it up bring back the old sytems mentoring beacons and all
10$ would be gone in 1 hour make this game more playable
miss shots what the hell i could understand if i missed the mob but i hit the mob so i should get the hit damage its a scam in my eyes
and i bet the forum admin is gouing to ban me for this speech huh and i dont care about the rep it doesent mean anything its the internet for crying out load it does not have meaning
soothsayer
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can I have a quad bike or a tron bike please as these 2 vehicles will also fit EU as do the tanks a new helli.
look forward too more threads like this.
look forward too more threads like this.
~CHOPPER~
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Yeah OK Col Briers
JJO
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Yeah I never quite got this one...
Colonel Briers isn't real my friend