Vortexy's Diary

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

:laugh: The adrenaline still pumping after 12 hours. :silly2: Bought myself the "PE Gold Member Smart Card Verification". :D

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In addition also started to buy 1 jacket and 1 rancher hat. Looks like on a spending spree. :laugh:

Other items I plan to buy are :-

Marber bravo (for the distance)
Vigi armor set (M)
Fap 80 or Fap 90

Managers Dilema

An office manager had money problems & had to fire an
employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire
the employee who came late to work the next morning.
Well, both employees came to work very early.

Then the manager thought he would catch the first one
who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee
took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see
who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither
Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both
ate at their desk.

Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave
work the earliest, and both employees stayed after closing.
Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went
up to her & said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem.
I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."

Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm
late for my bus."
 
Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Phew... spent nearly 2k of peds already on repairs and hunt. Bought a set of 2a plates (6 x 25 peds each). :D So now can take on atrax old alpha alone with my ghost.

Had a funny time Pvp with ris, loco, sin and a few guys at Billys. Mine was the lousiest weapon (MK II) while they all have camo jungle, Foxtrot ME, etc but I nailed them a few times. ;)

Lost Hat :laugh:

My uncle once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally,
he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit
at the back. During the service he would sneak out and
grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The
sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through
the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited
until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.

"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace
the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the
10 Commandments, I changed my mind."

The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I
started to preach thou shall not steal, that changed
your heart?"

My uncle responded, "No, it was the one on adultery.
When you started to preach on that, I remembered where
I left my hat."
 
Laughter The Best Medicine

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The Hat Pin

A man who went to Church with his wife always fell asleep
during the sermon. The wife decided to do something
about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along
to poke him with it every time he would doze off. As
the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted
out "... and who created all there is in 6 days and
rested on the 7th?" she poked her husband, who came
flying out of the pew and screamed "Good God all mighty".

The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went
on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering
under his breath, and later began to doze off again
when the minister got to "... and who died on the cross
to save us from our sins?" the wife hit him again and
he jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ". The Minister
said, "That's right, that's Right" and went on with
his sermon.

The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and
when the minister got to, "...and what did Eve say to
Adam after the birth of their second child?", the wife
started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said,
"If you stick that damn thing in me again I'll break
it off".


Man vs Pregnant Lady

From an actual trial in London ...

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded
a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she
began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She
moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out
laughing.

She had him arrested for harassment and when the case
came before the court this was the man's reply when
asked why he acted in such a manner, "When the lady
boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon
The Gold Dust Twins"; then she moved under one that
read "Sloan's Liniments remove Swelling". I was even
more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement,
which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could
not control myself any longer when on the fourth move
she sat under an advertisement, which read "Dunlop Rubber
would have prevented this accident".

He won the case.



Definition of ugly..........

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.

The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?

The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7.

"Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!
 
Thursday, March 23, 2006

Wow.... after the new VU huntings seems to be EXTRA laggy. Borrowed a Valor from Treatz and was trying to skill LB but the lag was killing me. :(

On the lighter note, bought some of the 'stuff' I wanted. Got 6 x 2a plates for 25 ped each, A Marber Bravo for TT + 48 (buyout). So now left the Vigi armor and High end Fap. ;) Hope to hit another HoF soon (running out of peds already). :eek:

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Mrs. Jones Accident

Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him
his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes
to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's
been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling
the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the
waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.

"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.

"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?" The doctor
sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's
accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."

"Oh my God," says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"

"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However,
her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills
or capability. This means you will have to feed her."
Mr. Jones begins to sob.

"And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours
to prevent pneumonia." Mr. Jones begins to wail and
cry loudly.

"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have
to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder
and of course these diapers must be changed at least
five times a day." Mr. Jones begins to shake as he
cries, sobs, wails.

The doctor continues, "And you'll have to clean up her
feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over
her sphincter. Her bowels will engorge whenever and
quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her
immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent
she'll be emitting regularly."

Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and
beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful
mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats
Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just fucking with
you, she's dead."



Midget Nuns

The Seven Dwarfs had an audience with the Pope. They
were all chatting when Dopey raised his hand...

"Yes, Dopey? Do you have a question?" asked the Pope.

"Are there any midget nuns at the Vatican?" Dopey asked.
The other dwarfs snickered.

"No, I don't believe there are." the Pope replied.

They all continued to talk. Then, Dopey raised his hand
again.

"Yes, Dopey? Another question?" the Pope asked, trying
be remain patient.

"Are there any midget nuns in all of Italy?" Dopey
asked with some urgency. The other dwarfs laughed out
loud this time.

"No, I don't believe Italy has any midget nuns." replied
the Pope, slightly annoyed.

Dopey's hand went up a third time.

"What IS it Dopey?" the Pope asked impatiently.

"Are there any midget nuns in the WHOLE WORLD?" Dopey
asked frantically. With that, the rest of the dwarfs
were rolling around on the floor in hysterical laughter.

"No, Dopey, there are no midget nuns in the whole world!"
the Pope shouted, obviously irritated. "What the heck
is going on here?"

In unison the rest of the dwarfs chanted "Do-pey fucked
a pen-guin!!"
 
Something Unexpected (like PE - :) )

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's
mini van and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,"she explained. "I'm afraid
the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if
the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and
settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined
that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on
the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
North?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit, did something which is really...... well you know.... "

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.

"I have to admit that I did and I swear I did used condom."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I
did. well I'm married and you are not.
"Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)
( do not betray your friend or u will regret it)

Now keep
that smile for the rest of the day.
 
Love, Lust and Marriage

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage- When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

Love- When intercourse is called making love.
Lust- When intercourse in called screwing.
Marriage- When intercourse is a little town in Pennsylvania.

Love- When you argue over how many kids to have.
Lust- When you argue over w ho gets the wet spot.
Marriage- When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

Love- When you share everything you own.
Lust- When you steal everything they own.
Marriage- When the bank owns everything.

Love- When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
Lust- When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
Marriage- When.... uh.... what's a climax.

Love- When your heart flutters every time you see them.
Lust- When your groin twitches every time you see them.
Marriage- When your wallet empties every time you see them.

Love- When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust- When all the songs on the radio determine how you do it.
Marriage- When you listen to talk radio.

Love- When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
Lust- When staying together is something you try not to think about.
Marriage- When just getting through the day is your only thought.

Love- When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
Lust- When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
Marriage- When you're only interested in your golf score.

Love- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
Lust- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
Marriage- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

Love- You only leave the house for coffee and doughnuts.
Lust- You only leave the house for condoms and Vaseline.
Marriage- You only leave the house when you're allowed
 
Sunday, March 26, 2006

Damn it. Spend all my uber away already (that was fast). :laugh: Among the items are

  • Hoob Bomberjacket
  • Marber Bravo
  • A set of 2a plates
  • PE Gold Member Smart Card Verification system

The rest went to ammo and armor decay. :laugh: Man.... $$$ sure goes fast in PE.

On alighter note got 2 new disciples (one however is quite active). Hope to get my 2nd ME item soon.

Eyelid Surgery

When I was walking in a store one day, I saw this lady
that had a baby with patches on his eyes. I asked her
what happened to him. She said that the baby was born
without eyelids and he just had surgery. They took off
some skin from his penis to make eyelids. So I asked
her how he was doing? She said he was a little cockeyed...
 
Laughter The Best Medicine

3 Mice in a Bar

Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough
they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I
play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on
purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and
bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that
he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing.
I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them
just for the fun of it." And with that he slams another
shot.

The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, and then turn
to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you
going?"

The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to
fuck the cat."

Deathbed Request

A man lying on his deathbed requested that his wife
gather up all his money and place it in the attic. He
would pick it up on his way out of this life.

Being the faithful, loving wife she had been for over
50 years, she did as she was told. Soon, the man died.
Weeks later, she remembered his request and went to
the attic to see if he had followed through.

There, in the same place where she had left it, was
the money. "I knew it," she exclaimed, "I should have
put it in the basement."


Alien Sex

Two aliens landed on a farm. The farmer and his wife
took the aliens in and showed them their way of life
and everything. One day the farmer and his wife get
to talking. The farmer asks his wife, "I wonder what
the aliens do for sex?" The farmer's wife replied, "I
don't know. Do you want to find out?" The farmer agrees.

So, that night, the farmer took the female alien up
to one room while his wife took the male alien up to
another room. As the wife was getting into bed, she
looked down at the alien's pecker and starts laughing.
"You've got to be kidding me!" she laughed.

The alien told her to wait for a moment. Then he slapped
his cheeks and pulled his ears and the thing grew. The
next day, the farmer asks his wife, "So, how was your
night?" She replied, "Oh, it was wonderful. It was the
best night of my life! How was yours?" "Well, not so
good," replied the farmer, "all she kept doing all night
was slapping my cheeks and pulling my ears."
 
Monday, March 27, 2006

Just when I start to loot GSI again the price dropped. :( This time gonan save it till the price hit at least 90 peds. Overall today was a good day. Went hunting with doc at atrax land but no global. Then went to Orthos with my disciple Gov Chang and had some fun. :D

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Supermarket Mix Up

A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices
that a rather beautiful blonde behind him has just raised
her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a nice looking woman
would be waving to him. Although she looks familiar,
but he can't place where he might know her from, so
he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I think you're the father of one of my
children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has
been unfaithful. "Holy shit," he says, "are you that
stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the
pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend
whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber
up my ass?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher..." :laugh:
 
Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sigh. I don't even have to mention it here that the 'bugs' in PE (particularly the soc chat and Friend list) is starting to get annoying. We cant reply to messages intended to us. :(

Work at office starting to pile again. :laugh: Looks like wont be logging in that often anymore the next few days.

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Thirsty

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender
asks the guy what he wants to drink. The guy says, "I'm
so thirsty, I'll lick the sweat off a bull's balls!"
From the other side of the room a guy belts out, "MMMOOOOOOOOOOO!" :silly2:

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

.... He sure doesn't seem like a happy winner ... !!!
 
100th Post!

Marking my 100th post in the diary with an experiment.

Typoglycemia


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn 't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :)-

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.
 
Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Man.. A lot of work piling up again. :laugh: Gotta spend more time doing work instead of playing PE at office!

The Soc seems to be growing steadily. Lots of active players are in JB now. Though we are considered a 'noob' soc, we had fun. :D


Why Woman Lies

One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river And her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked," Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and she needed the thimble to make her living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. " Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble?" Again the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. "The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all the three thimble to keep. And the seamstress went home happy. Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh, Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked." Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious, "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor woman and not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S WHY I said yes to Mel Gibson."

Moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason for the benefit of others!!!!!!!!!!
 
Points To Ponder

MAYONNAISE JAR and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it
was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it
was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no
room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So... Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what does the coffee represent?

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
 
Thursday, March 30, 2006

Damn it! Ped card shows 0.00 after countless 'no loots' messages. :laugh: Even a 3k HoF is insufficient for a month's hunt. ;) So with the minerals and ores colelcted during this one month will be used for crafting. The 'basic filters and basic relays' will be TT food as it seems they have no value in the market.

Serendipity still remained locked. :mad: Skilling like mad but still no results? :confused: Think I need to hit 5k to unlock it. :laugh:

Kenny The Rooster

Kenny the rooster cost a lot of money, but the farmer
decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the
barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk.

"I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of
chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money.
Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take
your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with
a chuckle.

Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward
the Hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM!-
Kenny nails every hen in the hen house- three or four
times, and the farmer is really shocked.

After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck
pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there.

Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese,
down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the
geese.

By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail
and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried
that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the
next day,to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the
middle of the yard, vultures are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful
and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh,
Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you
to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the vultures circling
in the sky and says, "Shhh, they're getting closer".
 
Cracked Pot

Sometimes people with low skills/peds are a worthy member of a soc too.



An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.



One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.



At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.



For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.



Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.



After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.



"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."



The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?

That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and everyday while we walk back, YOU water them.

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."



EACH OF US HAS OUR OWN UNIQUE FLAW(s).



But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.



You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.



To all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the

flowers, on your side of the path!
 
The Letter T

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her
young husband constant demands for sex, decides to
make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of
times that they will have to make love for the
rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of
paper, "Honey,you know I love you, but your never
ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and
really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on
days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the
frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at
me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and
let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator
magnet and sticks the note to the fridge
door,hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding
and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator
and notices that her note has been replaced with a
note from her husband that reads,"Baby, I didn't'
realise that I was putting you under so much pressure
and I'm sorry.I accept your proposal and have even
taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this
letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to
make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I
am waiting for you upstairs."
 
Sunday, April 2, 2006

Seems like a lot of people are laguhing their head off with the jokes/stories here. :D Cool, at least the objective of 'Laughter The Best Medicine' was achieved.

Sad to say losing big peds in forum. Went with Mike to oil rig and got pawned. Hunted ambulimax and loot was lousy (only to see another guy got 200 pedder). :eek:

Forgive Your Enemies

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies".
Toward the end of the service he asked his congregation,
"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" About
half held up their hands. He then repeated his question.
As it was past lunchtime, this time about 80 percent
held up their hands. He then repeated his question again.
All responded, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs.Jones," inquired the preacher, "are you not willing
to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any." she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three." she replied.

"Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all
you are. Would you please come down in front of this
congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-
three years and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle,
faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches.
 
What Were YOU Thinking?

Statues

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female,
faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel
came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to
them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm
going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes,
in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap
of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon
dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a
good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from
the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel,
winking conspiratorially.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to
the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you
hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head."
 
Tuesday, April 4, 2006

JB growing steadily. However it seems that new players these days are depositing like mad and are able to afford ghost/vigi and other items in a week! :eek: Only got my ghost set after 1 year of playing. :laugh:

Chicken or Pig

A guy holding a chicken under his arm walks into his
kitchen and over to the table where his wife is sitting
and says, "You see there, thats the pig that I've been
fucking!" His wife replies, "Honey, that's a chicken."
The guy says, "I was talking to the chicken!"

Pussy and Bitch

A little boy comes home from school and asks his mother
what a pussy is. The boy's mother gets out a dictionary
and shows him a picture of a cat. The boy then asks
his mom what a bitch is. The mother turns the pages
until she finds a picture of a dog.

When the boy's father gets home from work, the boy asks
him what a pussy is. His father gets out a Playboy,
opens it up to the centerfold, and draws a circle around
the Playmate's pussy. The boy then asks his father
to explain what a bitch is?

The father looks at his son and says, "A bitch is everything
outside the circle."
 
Wednesday, April 5, 2006

At last.... unlocked Serendipity!

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

:)

Labor Pain Machine

A married couple went to the hospital together to have
their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented
a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's
labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they
were willing to try it out. They were both very much
in favor of it.

The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters,
explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain
than the father had ever experienced before. But as
the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked
the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor
then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and
pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this,
they decided to try for 50 percent.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was
obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged
the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no
pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got
home, the mailman was dead on their porch. ;)
 
Corporate Quotes

Competitive Salary:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join Our Fast Paced Company:
We Have no time to train you.

Casual Work Atmosphere:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of real
daring guys wear earrings.

Must be deadline oriented:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some Overtime Required:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Duties Will Vary:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must Have An Eye For Detail:
We have no quality control.

Apply in Person:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

No Phone Calls Please:
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Candidates with wide experience:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

Problem-solving skills is a must:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires Team Leadership Skills:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good Communication Skills:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

I'm Extremely Adept at all manners:
I've Used Microsoft Office.

I'm Honest, Hard-Working & Dependable:
I Pilfer Office Supplies

I Take Pride in my work:
I blame others for my mistakes

I'm Personable:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I'm Extremely Professional:
I carry a Day-Timer.

I'm Adaptable:
I've changed jobs a lot.

I'm On The Go:
I'm never at my desk.

I'm Highly Motivated to Succeed:
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there
:dunce:
 
Thursday, April 6, 2006

Come back to a pile of work. Will be offline from PE this few days. Doc and Ris left JB for BAHQ Cadet. Sigh...

The Caring Lawyer

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back
of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by
the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he
got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then."

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said
to the other man.

"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second
man answered.

"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you
are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home
is about two feet tall!"
 
Begin Your Day With A Smile

What Happens When u Mix Beer With Viagra

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


The Spitting Leprochaun

A leprochaun sits down at a bar and orders a drink.
After about 3 beers, he gets up and walks down the bar
to this big ugly hairy dude The leprochaun grabs him
by the ears and spits in his face then he sits back
down and orders another beer.

The bartender tells the leprochaun that the big guy
at the end of the bar will rip his dick off for doing
that.

Well after another two beers, the leprichaun walks down
the bar grabs the guy by the ears and spits in his face.
He then ordered another round.

The bartender tells him that if he does that again the
dude is going to rip his dick off.

Two beers later, the leprichaun walks down the bar and
grabs the big guy by the ears again, but this time the
big guy says he's going to rip his dick off and grabs
the leprichaun by the crotch . Surprised to find no
dick there, the big hairy ugly guy asks the leprichaun,
"If you aint got no dick, how the hell do you guys take
a piss?"

The leprichaun just smiles and spits in his face.
 
Friday, April 7, 2006

Left JB to join BAHQ Cadets today. Since I joined, Mac left (for Shaolin), then Treatz left (BAHQ), followed by Doc and Ris (BAHQ Cadets). Decided to join BAHQ cadets today. Wish me luck in my new soc.


Tragedy

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the
students if anyone can give him an example of a "TRAGEDY". One
little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend who lives
next door was playing in the street when a car came along and
killed him, that would be a TRAGEDY." "No," Clinton says, "That
would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a
TRAGEDY." I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we
would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other
children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton. "Isn't there any one
here who can give me an example of a TRAGEDY?"

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he
speaks: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were
blown up by a bomb, that would be a TRAGEDY." "Wonderful!"
Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be
a TRAGEDY?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an ACCIDENT, and
it certainly would be no GREAT LOSS!"
 
What We Should Learn

Something to share with my PE mates.....

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a
loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its
color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for
adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital. He died.

The mother was stunned! She was terrified how she was going to face her
husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

QUESTIONS:

1. What were the five words?
2. What is the implication of this story?











ANSWER:

The husband just said "I am with you Darling".

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The
child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be
much fewer problems in the world.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and
fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY
This story is really worth reading. Sometimes we spend time in asking who
is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with
the people we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human relationship.
 
Sunday, April 9, 2006

Average loot pool seems to be shrinking but the global seems to be increasing. Maybe that is one of MA's marketing strategy. ;)

My disciple Chang is already 50%. Soon I will fet my ME item. :D Other than that lost 700 peds battling bots last week.

Husband Store
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . ..

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love god.


The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love god, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love god, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love god, love kids, are drop-
dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!"she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:


Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love god, love kids, are drop-
dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic
streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the
sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
women are impossible to please.


Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
 
Pics of my daughter

These are some pics taken last year. (she is nearly 2).

Now she is 3. ;)

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
 
HoF again

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Just when I needed it most. :D
 
Laughter The Best Medicine

Sunday Morning Sex

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling... Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding

and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along." :laugh:
 
Do you love someone THAT much??

DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE THIS MUCH?

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a
motorcycle...


Girl: Slow down. Im scared.

Guy: No this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!


Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!


Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.


Girl hugs him


Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself?
Its bugging me.


In the paper the next day


A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake
failure.Two people were on it, but only one had survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug him one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

DON'T wait for that moment. Spend every precious seconds together with love and care. Take care guys. :wise:
 
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