Vortexy's Diary

Friday, February 24, 2006

Damn... got another esto 175 today. I am beginning to love limnadian.

Started crafting with some basic blueprints. Not bad... broke even. Hope to see my nick ont he crafting HoF soon.

School Play

Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to
a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school
play were supposed to be posted that day, he asked his
son if he got one.

Matt enthusiastically announced that he had. "I play
a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before
you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

Saturday, February 25, 2006

After Mac left, it seemed that JB rarely gets in the HoF list (he is the only one hunting big mobs ) However, managed that this morning. Limna has been really generous.

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Old Couple

An old couple are taking a trip down memory lane, and
as such gone for a holiday back to the place where they
first met. While sitting at a café the little old man
says, "Remember the first time I met you over fifty
years ago? We left this café, went round the corner
behind the gas works and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes I remember it well dear.", replies the little
old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, lets go back there and I'll
give you one from behind again.", says the old man.

The couple pay their bill and leave the café. A young
man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation
and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing
to see the old couple go at it. He gets up and follows
them.

Sure enough, he sees the couple near the gas works.
The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts
up her dress. The old man pulls down his pants and grabs
the lady's hips. The little old lady then reaches for
the fence. Well, what follows is forty minutes of the
most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little
old man is banging away at the little old women at a
pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs
are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur and they
do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse
and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever
seen anything that equates to this, not in the movies,
not from his friends or his own experiences. Reflecting
on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have
to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now,
let alone in fifty years time!"

The two have by this time recovered and dressed themselves.
Plucking up courage the man approaches the couple. He
says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody
shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your
secret? Could you shag like that fifty years ago?" The
pensioner replies "Son, fifty years ago that fucking
fence wasn't electrified."

A day at Jurai Blood's HQ - also available@McCormicks

Preparation for ........

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2 Sexy chicks waiting for me at bed

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Girl talk

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Resting after a hard day's work

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Part 2

Check out sex toys on the table

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Check out the 'heads'

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Monday, February 27, 2006

Lost like hell today (around 200 peds after 7 rounds - 100 ped ammo each round). Got a negative rep today. hmmmm.

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Guess some people just does not have a sense of humour after all. sigh..

Bill and Al in Nashville

One day when Bill Clinton and Al Gore were in Nashville,
Al took Bill on a tour of his farm east of there. After
a tour of the barn, they walked around behind it and
discovered a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence.
As Bill watched the ewe struggle, he dropped his pants,
fell to his knees and mounted the sheep. When he finished
he turned to Al and said, "Why don't you try some of
that?" Al said, "Ok!" and dropped his pants, fell to
his knees and stuck his head in the fence.

Some Illusions.... like life..

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Kinda cute...


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Who can forget Ju-On?

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Long neck?

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Sexy chick?

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Was informed by a few forumers that the previous -ve rep from entropian nikki was done randomly. These type of -ve rep should be banned and the user acc locked for misuse. There goes my record.

Anyway had a very tiring weekend. traveled to a few places due to some work related functions going on. My air points is skyrocketing!

So far these few weeks PE has been good to me. Sure I loose a couple of hundred peds but still with a few global the lost is only like 50% (compared with 80% earlier).

Comedic Quotes
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started
walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today
and we don't know where the hell she is." --Ellen DeGeneres

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe
hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe
through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
--Jim Carrey

"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's
how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't
trying to teach you how to swim.' " --Paula Poundstone

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line
up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" --
Warren Hutcherson

"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's
ability to use language that makes him the dominant
species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's
one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't
afraid of vacuum cleaners." --Jeff Stilson

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains,
a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got
a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry
isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid
of the body before you do the wash." --Jerry Seinfeld

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm
halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I
could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery

"What do people mean when they say the computer went
down on me?" --Marilyn Pittman

"When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that
someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal
family?" --Robin Williams

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is
not color, but to accept God's final word on where your
lips end." --Jerry Seinfeld

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of
people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's
go west.' " --Richard Jeni

More Illusions...

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Wish that was Angelina Jolie I was kissing

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Nice... the dress..

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Scary?

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Thursday, March 2, 2006

Yesterday was hell again at PE. 5 rounds of 100 ped ammo (+ 50 ped armor + amp 105 decay), and only got a 150 global + 100 peds worth. So in total I lost 150 x 5 - 250 = 500 peds! Had to sell my spare Kangoo Mask (tt = 30 peds) to the TT machine + some wools and skins to stay in the game.

This also happens in real life I guess. One minute you are all set to go up and life was smooth sailing when suddenly..... trouble comes, recession, etc.

I Can Explain

Robert is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights
bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend, his wife
decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break
from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.

The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey, Robert!
How are you tonight?" His wife, surprised, asks her
husband if he has been here before. "No, no, I can explain,
He's just one of the guys I bowl with."

They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Robert
and says, "Nice to see you, Robert. A Southern Comfort
and Lemonade, as usual?". His wife's eyes widen. "You
must come here a lot!". "No, no" says Robert, "I can
explain, I just know her from volleyball".

Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her
arms around Robert and says "Robert! A table dance as
usual?".

His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out
of the bar. Robert follows her and spots her getting
into a cab, so he jumps into the passenger seat. His
wife looks at him, seething with fury and lets Robert
have it with both barrels.

At this, the cabby leans over and says, "Sure looks
like you picked up a wild one tonight, Robert!"

A near global + some jokes

A near global..

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Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that
they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he
noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."
"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said

"Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You are!

Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.
He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches,

I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you!

You've already got the neck and the GIBLETS

Friday, March 3, 2006

Seemed that some of regular players are not so online that often anymore. Some are my regular ore/enmatter buyers. Luckily hit the 186 global on esto yesterday if not will be dead broke today.

Noticed that the best place to hit a mob is between the thigh and groin (some would say upper thigh). Less misses there.

Crafting is just breaking even for me (70% return). What can I say/expect when crafting basic filters Lvl 1!


NYC Beggar

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on
a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them
asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the
man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his
wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands
them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to
the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's
act of generosity.

"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You
know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze."

Matt replies, "And we weren't?"

When school kids fight.. Not like PE though.. lol

Street Fighter Style..​

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Saturday, March 4, 2006

Was hunting at Limna again trying to get that %$%&#$( jag part. Sigh. Lost 200 peds in 3 rounds. Bad... But a guy got a 24k ATH with Hispusdus. Gratz man.

Treatz (our General) might be leaving JB. Sigh.

Real life sux too. The infamous birdflu has reached Malaysia. And the Hand Foot Mouth Disease also start to spread after a couple of ppl came back from China.

Taking my kid out of preschool at the moment. Cant take any chances man. Heard the health ministry might close all thepre-school too as a precaution.

Airplane Trouble

A small plane was travelling on a short trip when it
ran into bad weather. Besides the pilot, there was
a teacher escorting two pupils, a businessman and a
priest.

The plane was struck by lightning and an engine caught
fire. The pilot ran out to the back of the aircraft.
"I'm afraid I have bad news. The plane is going to
crash. Because we are a discount airline, we have only
three parachutes, and I'm taking one!" So saying, he
jumped out the door of the plane and parachuted safely
to earth.

The other passengers pondered what to do. "I know",
said the teacher, "We should strap the parachutes to
the children and let them survive. They are young and
have a whole life before them. We can't let them die.
Give the parachutes to the children, and let us take
our chances."

"The children?" bellowed the businessman. "Fuck the
children!"

"Oh," said the priest, "Do you think we have time?"

Sunday, March 5, 2006

Yesterday lost like mad again. Rifle nearly 3.9k but still no Serendipity? Clearing my storage so maybe those interested in cheap armor/weapons for thier disciples can check out the sales thread.

Through the Barn

A husband and wife were out golfing together one day
when they came upon a tough par 4 hole. The husband
hooked his drive deep into the woods and proclaimed
that he would have to chip out. Then the wife said,
"Maybe not, dear! Do you see that barn over there? If
I open the doors on both sides, I do believe you could
hit it right through and reach the green."

So the husband agrees to give it a try, but when he
hits the ball it goes straight through the front doors
of the barn, hits the crossbeam, ricochets back and
hits his wife square in the head, killing her.

A year goes by and the man is golfing with a friend.
He finds himself on the same hole, with the same results,
a hook deep in the woods. He is all set to chip out
when his friend runs up to him and says, "Wait! Do you
see that barn over there? If I open the doors on both
sides, I think you can still reach the green."

"No way," replies the man, "I tried that last year and
got a 7."

Thursday, March 9, 2006

Work began to start piling at work (that usually happens when I play PE too much. ). So lately only hunt 30 minutes at Limna then work for 2 hours then back for another 30 minutes break.

Soc got new general. Treatz left for BAHQ. Looks like all the good men leaving for better soc. But they all originated from JB.

Been losing a steady 100 - 200 peds a day. REALLY need a global soon or have to sell out some of my items. (Already have a bulk sale under the selling thread).

The Red Shirt

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain
and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate
ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed
to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First
Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which
the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate
boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among
the crew, the pirates were repelled.

The men sat around on deck that night recounting the
day's events when an ensign looked to the Captain and
asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before
the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that
only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded
in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, and
thus you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men
sat in silence, marveling at the courage of such a man.

The next morning, the lookout screamed that there were
two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew
cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed,
"Bring me my red shirt!" Once again, the battle was
on, and the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding
parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Later that day, however, the lookout screamed that there
were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties
on their way. The men became silent and looked to the
Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown
pants!"

Friday, March 10, 2006

Last night lost like hell (around 500 peds ) but got tonnes of skill in return + 1 GSI and some crappy Ad implant and EP-17. Sigh. Hope to do better today.

Real life on the other hand is getting better. Work load completed 80% so left a small amount to complete. Life PE, need to strike a lottery in real life to be comfortable.

Perfect Shot

A guy is standing over his tee shot, looking up, looking
down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction
and speed...

His partner says, "What's taking so long?"

The first guy says, "My wife is on the clubhouse porch,
so I want to make a perfect shot."

His partner says, "Forget it...you'll never hit her
from here."

3 rules of Getting older

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Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sigh. Last 4 days alone lost 1000 peds. Yes net loss; not gross, 1000 peds(after deducting loots, peds, items) . Even with a few globals, still losing $$$. I take it as paying for skills (so don't feel so bad).

Serendipity remains locked despite reaching 4k rifle. hmmm... need to skill fisting? - currently 0.

Bowling Team

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all
Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend
bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team
rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides
on the top level..

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having
a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't
hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides
to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches
the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring
straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats
in front of them with white knuckles..

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin'
a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes from the
second team looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got
a driver!"

Parachutes

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying
somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on
board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali
Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator
exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the
passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit
door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news.
The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey.
The good news is that there are four parachutes, and
I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open
the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen,"
he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world
needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete
should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed
one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through
the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's
smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the
world's smartest man should have a parachute, too."
He grabbed a pack, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another.
Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I
have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss
of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you;
you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry,
pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing
my backpack."

Kids On Marriage

Kids on Marraige​

Perhaps difficult enough for adults to define, this
question received some interesting responses from those
of a younger generation...

What Exactly Is Marriage??

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't
have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, AGE 6

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might
propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you
for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and
get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing
for me.'
Then she says yes, but she's wondering what
the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't
wait to find out." -Anita, AGE 9

How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry??

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him
and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, AGE 9

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's
what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall
and handsome." -Carolyn, AGE 8

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married.

"Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to
work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving
each other in your bedroom." -Carolyn, AGE 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find
me a wife" -Bert, AGE 5

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet??

"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then
they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It
was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to
find out about their values." -Lottie, AGE 9

"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother.
They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, AGE 8

What Do Most People Do on a Date??

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies,
and that usually gets them interested enough to go for
a second date." -Martin, AGE 10

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and
talk about love." -Craig, AGE 9

When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone??

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough
bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll
want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, AGE 10

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing
thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might
be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for
a few hours." -Kally, AGE 9

The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married??

"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten,
AGE 10

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, AGE
9

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm
just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will,
AGE 7

Monday, March 13, 2006

Guess PE is really like real life. The odds are always on the house instead of the player. Total lost last week was 1500 peds (tilll I cannot hunt anymore until I sell some of my stuff). THAT bad.

Skilling Fisting with the TT fist and solomate crusho was funny. they reload quite fast so was like a boxing match with the mobs.

Was appointed Kolonel (now changed to councilor) for JB. That was the only good part last week.

Glad to have Tes and Fredy Penguin in the soc. Ris scored a HoF for us (esto young) and gabby scored a Hof for mining (oil). Looks like JB is getting better at mining and hunting.

Got a feeling like MA is 'watching' you.



2 Priests On Vacation

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual
clothes so they won't be identified as clergy. They
buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the
beach.

They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. "Good
afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy?
Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting
of surfer shorts, tie dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses.

The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous
blond, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods
politely at them and says, "Good morning Fathers."

"Just a minute young lady.", says one of the priests.
"We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world
did you know?"

The blonde replies, "Don't you recognize me? I'm sister
Katherine from the convent."

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Losing peds like mad... I meant really mad.

Guess this is the common scenario nowadays. Had to sell most of my items to 'stay in the game'. On a lighter note, JB is growing by the week. Got new players who are active ones.


Huge Problem

There was a young man who was so well-endowed that it
was bothering his knee. Three doctors and one nurse
were in the operating room to remedy the situation.

The first doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off
the end." They discussed it and decided that would affect
his sensitivity.

The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk
out of the middle of it." They discussed it and decided
it would change the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off
the base of it." They discussed it and said that would
give him erection problems.

The doctors looked at the nurse who had tears running
down her cheeks.

The nurse cried, "Can't we just make his legs longer?"

See Through

Wish PE got some feature like this...

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cute

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Scanning mob

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You wish!

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Scanning Avatar?

A pic of my wife and I

This is a picture of me and my missus.

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And THIS is the .... love product...


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Jokes For The Day

guys and the world will smile with you.


Truck Driver

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers
stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a
big sign on the door saying: "NERDS NOT ALLOWED --
ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK" He goes in and sits down. The
bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells
kind of nerdy, and asks him what he does for a living.
The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell
is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender
says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him
a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with
tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve
kinds of pens and pencils stashed in his pocket protector,
and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender,
without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows
the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.
The bartender said not to worry, "The nerds are overpopulating
the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't
even need a license", he said.

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in
his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly,
he veers to avoid an accident and the load shifts.
The back door breaks open and computers spill out all
over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already
forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers,
accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes
he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole
load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls
out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several
of them instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps
out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver
says, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

"Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait
'em."


Lottery Winner

This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, "Pack your
bags honey, I just won the lottery!"

She says, "Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach
or the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care...Just get the fuck out!"


Soda Machine

A blonde walks into a bar and stands in front of a soda
machine. She puts 50 cents in and a soda comes out.
She puts that one down, puts in another 50 cents and
another soda comes out. The blonde continues to do the
same thing over and over for an hour and the bartender
starts wondering what she's doing. Finally, he goes
up to her and asks what the hell she's doing. She giggles
and replies, "I'm winning!"

Friday, March 17, 2006

Nothing much to report except LOSING $$$$$

However rifle already breached 4k, Hope Serendipity gets unlocked soon! (could use the extra health).

Real life work pressure mounting. Sigh. Need to get a ATH from PE so can go ona 'paid' vacation.

A lot of conflict lately in EF on autoclicker and -ve reps.

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Healthcare Reform

Hilary Clinton was taking a tour of a D.C. hospital
while working to reform healthcare in the U.S.

As she is touring, a doctor is explaining all the different
functions of the hospital to her. Eventually, they
pass an open room in the inpatient ward, where Hilary
could clearly see a middle aged man masturbating with
great enthusiasm. The doctor quickly instructed the
floor nurse to close the door. It was too late, Hilary
had already seen. She fiercely looked at the doctor
and said, "What kind of hospital are you running here
Doctor?"

The doctor calmly explained to the First Lady that the
man had a very rare ailment, which required him to ejaculate
three times daily, or his testicles would swell and
he would die.

Hilary accepted the doctor's explanation and they moved
on.

A few minutes later, they came across another open room,
yet this time they witnessed a nurse on her knees giving
a different middle aged man oral sex.

Hilary was outraged and called for an immediate explanation.

"It's very simple Mrs. Clinton", said the doctor. "This
man suffers from the same ailment as the last man, however
he has a much better health plan."

Something To Try ?

Since kept on losing peds in PE, something to cheer us up!

Think I'll Try This!
Miss Beatrice had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

Jokes for the weekend

Seems that this segment of my diary is a favourite. Below are some for the weekends.

Life on Mars

The head of NASA runs into Bill Clinton's office with
exciting news."Mr. President...Mr.President...We have
found intelligent life on Mars".

The President obviously enjoys the news and says,"Intelligent
ya say? Well,I reckon I wanna go up there and have a
look see.Ya reckon their women are smart enough to have
a dress cleaned?"

White One

A woman went to an art gallery and was looking at all
the paintings. She came to one painting and became
very puzzled. The owner of the gallery walked by and
she asked him about the painting. She said, "There
are three naked black men in this painting but one of
them has a white dick. Why was it painted this way?"
The owner replied, "This is a picture of three coal
miners. The one with the white dick went home for lunch."


Silver Dildo

This Guy who owns a porno shop and has his friend watch
the store while he runs some errands. While the owner
is away in walks this red head lady. She walks up to
the counter and asks, "How much for that pink dildo
up on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$25." She said,
"I'll take it!" A few minutes later in walks this brunette.
She walks up to the counter and asks, "How much for
that purple dildo up on the shelf?" The guy replies,
"$50." She said, "I'll take it." A while later this
blonde walks in. Her eyes got as big as saucers. She
walked up to the counter and asked, "How much for that
big silver dildo on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$100."
She pays him and leaves. In walks the owner and asks
how business was doing, and his friend replies, "I sold
the pink dildo for $25, I sold the purple dildo for
$50, and I sold your THERMOS for a $100."

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Have been slowing down on hunting due to ped worries. Been trading again to gain back some peds. Sold some animal hides + soft hides and some fine/thin wools. Price seems to be relatively low.

Now changing mobs to atrax Park and zychion mobs. They seem to be breaking even better than estos and allos at limna.

Real DMV Answers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received
on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's
driving school

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing
the road?

A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

--------------------------

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach
a four-way stop at the same time?

A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper
sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

--------------------------

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?

A: Your car.

--------------------------

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested
for drunk driving?

A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

--------------------------

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you
could no longer drive lawfully?

A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

--------------------------

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or
being passed?

A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

--------------------------

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic
light and a flashing yellow traffic light?

A: The color.

--------------------------

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?

A: Heavy psychedelics.

--------------------------

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?

A: Carry loaded weapons.

Unique Interview?

Subject: HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?


Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.


If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.

If they are! sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.

Congratulate them and put them in top management.

Monday, March 20, 2006

After running with 0.00 peds for a couple of months then came my 2nd uber (1st was a 1.7).

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Woot!​

That puts JB in no 1!

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

DAmn happy. It should last me a couple of weeks. Serendipity, here I come!!!!

Breathalyzer Test

Late one Friday night, a policeman spotted a man driving
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They
pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking
that evening.

"Aye, so I have. It's Friday, you know, so me and the
lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints.
And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and
they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good.
I had four or five of those. Then I had to drive me
friend Mike home and of course I had to go in for a
couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then
I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for
later..." Then, the man fumbled around in his coat until
he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for
inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll
need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer
test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!"