Vortexy's Diary

Sunday, January 7, 2007

New economy coming... EFD might be as valuable as real money!

https://www.planetcalypsoforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=50634

With this then it might be worth something to contribute our ideas, comments, pictures, etc to make this forum a place to share thoughts and many more.

I must admit I did made a few friends... and some socmates that joined Entropia Asia via reading my diary. All in all I must salute MB for thinking up this forum.. worth every penny of my contribution to him and this forum.

Hope the connection to Southeast Asia be restored soon. Cant wait to go on the beacon mission that I won through EFD.

Blonde Genies

After coming upon a bottle on the beach and rubbing
it, two blonde genies appear. Allowing the man to make
three wishes for releasing them from the bottle. He
makes his three wishes and suddenly finds himself in
a beautiful mansion with money scattered all over the
floor and beautiful naked women everywhere. Suddenly
a knock at the door and after opening it there stands
six Klu Klux Klansmen, they grab him and strings him
up at the closet tree until he is dead.

Walking away the two genies are shaking there heads
and one says to the other, I could understand him wanting
all that wealth and I could understand him wanting all
of those beautiful naked women but I just couldn't understand
why he would want to be hung like a black man.

Anniversary Gifts

A rich man and a poor man were discussing what they
gave their wives for their anniversary. The rich man
says, "I bought my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedes
Benz." Poor man asks, "Why did you buy her two gifts?"
The rich man replies, "Well, in case she doesn't like
the diamond necklace, she can drive her Mercedes Benz
to take it back."

The poor man acknowledges the rich mans answer then
proceeds to tell him what he got his wife. "I got my
wife a pair of flip flops and a dildo." With a confused
and intrigued look, the rich man asks, "Why did you
buy her those gifts?!" The poor man replies, "Well,
in case she doesnt like the flip flops, she can go fuck
herself."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
Farmers Son

A young farm girl answers the door. An older neighbor
is there.

"My father isn't home," she says, "but I can help you.
You want our bull to service your cow. Well, my father
charges one hundred dollars for his best bull."

"That's not what I want," the neighbor says.

"We have a young bull who is just starting out. My father
charges fifty dollars for him."

"That's not I want, either."

"We have an old bull out in the pasture," the girl tries
again. "He can still do the job and my father charges
only ten dollars for him."

"That's not what I want," the neighbor says. "I came
here to see your father about your brother Elmer. Elmer
got my daughter pregnant."

"Oh," the girl replies. "You'll have to see my father
about that. I don't know what he charges for Elmer."

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

I discovered a small bug in EU. If you take the tools to refine the materials and refine small quantities, the tt of the refiner will not go down. Then you tt the refiner back to tt and get a new one and refine again. Repeating this process will enable you to refine materials without any decay on your refiner!

Am putting this in my diary to if the MA guys sees it, they can do something about it.

About the hunting / mining and crafting, they seems to be stabilising now. Loots are manageable (80% return) and seems more fair. ESIs however are now rare items.

Real life proves to be challenging by the day. Am gonna start my own company soon in energy management and hope that it will bring in the much needed greenbacks.

Marriage in Heaven

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple
are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find
themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting
for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting,
they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married
in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter
says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has
asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed
and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they
discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in
Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. "What
if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together
FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns,
looking somewhat bedraggled. Yes," he informs the couple,
"you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering,
what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce
in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard
onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months
to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long
it'll take me to find a LAWYER?"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


A Quiet Lay

Billy walks into a whore house horny as a man can be.

He goes to the desk and ask for the first girl they
can set up for him, "I dont even care if she talks or
not.. just get me a hotty." Ricardo, the man behind
the counter, sets Billy up in Room 122.

Billy thanked Ricardo and walks up the stairs and down
the hallway. The women was already layed out on the
bed, and Billy didn't even hesitate to jump right on
top of her.

He soon after started going to town on the women who
just layed there and took it. After about ten minutes,
he notices that there was cum coming out of her mouth,
out of her nose, and out of her ears. Billy jumped up
and yelled "What in the!! Oh My God!!! AHH!!"

The shouting was so loud that everyone could hear it.
Soon after the shout, a voice from down the hall says,
"Hey Ric! The dead one is full again!"


Rough And Smooth

A man walked into a bar and was so horny and needed
sex so bad, so he picked up a lady. They went to a
hotel and started to have sex, and all of a sudden the
guy said "Oh man, this is really rough!" So the lady
said "I will be right back!" She went into the bathroom
and stayed in there for a couple of hours, then she
walked out and they started to have sex again. The
guy said "Wow! It feels so smooth this time, what did
you do?" The lady said "Oh I picked all my scabs off!!"

Laughter The Best Medicine

A man goes to confession in the Catholic Church...
"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I
have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last
month."

The priest tells the sinner:
"You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Soon after, another man enters the confessional.
"Father, it has been two months since my last confession.
I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last

two months."

This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.

"Very well, "sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver

his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters

the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her

as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of

the priest! Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny

emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green

shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie

Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies:
"No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

************ ********* ***

A Lebanese Doctor wanted to go hunting,
He calls his Assistant HASSOUN And tells him:

"Ya Hassoun, I am going hunting tomorrow,
But we don't want to close the clinic,
I ask you to take care of our patients".

"Yes, sir......"answers Hassoun .

The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks:

"So Hassoun , how was your day?".

Hassoun tells him he took care of 3 patients.

The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.

"Bravo ya Hassoun, and the second one?" says the doctor

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir" says
Hassoun.

"Bravo, bravo ya Hassoun you're good at this and what about the third
One?"asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was seated and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like
Crazy , she undresses herself, taking off her bra and her panties
And sleeps on the table and shouts: HELP ME PLEASE!! Since 5 years I
Have not seen any man!! "

"..and what did you do ya Hassoun?" asks the doctor

"I put eye drops in her eyes, Sir!!!"

************ ********* ********

A career military man, who had retired as a corporal,
Was telling the younger men how he handled officers
During his years of service.

"It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General,
An Admiral, or the Commander-in- Chief. I always told
Those guys exactly where to get off."

"Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young
Soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?"

"Elevator operator in the Pentagon

************ *********

On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple
Had an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation
Of the groom's left foot.

Unable to control her grief, the bride called her
Mother from the hospital.

"Mother," she sobbed, "My husband has only one foot."

The mother, trying to console her daughter said,
"That's all right dear, your father has only six inches

************ *********

On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple
Had an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation
Of the groom's left foot.

Unable to control her grief, the bride called her
Mother from the hospital.

"Mother," she sobbed, "My husband has only one foot."

The mother, trying to console her daughter said,
"That's all right dear, your father has only six inches

************ *******

A popular heart doctor died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral."........

"I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted.

************ ********

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.


"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years.

You've seen his wars and his technological advances.

You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."


The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"


The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied .

"When white man found the land, Indians were running it.

No taxes,

No debt,

Plenty buffalo,

Plenty beaver,

Women did all the work,

Medicine man free,

Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing,

All night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled .... "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

************ ********* ********* *********

How Women Get To Heaven

A small boy walks into his mother's room and catches her topless.
"Mommy, Mommy, what are those?" he says pointing to her breasts.

"Well, son," she says, These are balloons, and when you die, they
inflate and float you up to heaven."

Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite
satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes
into the kitchen. "Mommy, mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!"

"What do you mean?" says his mother.

"Well she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her
balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling,
"God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!"

************ *****

No Underwear

Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realizes he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

************ ***

A woman was walking along a deserted beach one day when she saw an old bottle. She picked it up and while she was rubbing the sand off, smoke arose from it and a genie appeared. The amazed woman said oh I know what this is all about I get three wishes!!!

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one wish genie. So...what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want world peace. See this map? I want all these countries to stop fighting. This will bring world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable.

These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of

shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but

not THAT good! It just not possible, make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been

able to find the right man.

You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed, helps with the kids, and gets along with my family. Doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ..... the perfect man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the damned map."

************ ********* *******

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came
down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest
town.

"I'm lookin' for the meanest, toughest and roughest hooker in the
Yukon," he said to the bartender.

"We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second
room on the right."

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the
hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the
stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and
yelled,

"I'm looking for the meanest, roughest and toughest hooker in the
Yukon."

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You
found her!"

Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.

"I don't replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to
open those beers first."


************ ********* **
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,

saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance
. I just never wanted to." A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.

The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to

Don't mess with old farts . . . . . .

Sunday, January 14, 2007

It has been good lately due to the following reasons :-

• Our application for our own private forum has been approved

• I got 3 globals in like 2 hours

• My new company already got 3 proposals. Hopefully they can be turned into contracts.

Our soc is also growing. I foresee it becoming one of the 'admired' soc - Not because of its high skill players but because of its Friendly and Helpful soc members. Though we are working our way towards the top 50 skilled soc.

My disciple Krayzer has reached 21%. Estimated time to graduate is 2 months. Am crossing my fingers for a Foxtrot ME


Olympic Stamina


This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team
manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish
gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village.

Once she's inside, he quickly turns off all the lights
and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a
flurry of athletic achievement.

After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse
back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly
across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-
developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp
glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside
her.

She's really pleased to have met this guy. At this point
the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles
the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself
a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp.

Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and,
in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the
bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest
like a gorilla.

Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences
a frantic repeat performance. The Danish girl is very
impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. Somehow
the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous
exhaustion! After nearly half an hour of wild activity
in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer
again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of
the mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the
bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and
commences to make love all over AGAIN.

The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action
continues at the same blistering pace as before. In
the darkness, she can't properly see what kind of tonic
is causing these incredible transformations, but she
sure likes the effect! More than an hour later, after
another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his
part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms
on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint
herself.

"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting
bald-headed Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your
tonic!" She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot
of the liquid. She braces herself for some sort of medicinal
effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola.
Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and
dives under the bed - only to smash straight into the
three other exhausted members of the Australian relay
team.



Sneezing Attack


A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first
class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes
the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just
saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls
out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about
to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person
exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again.
He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off. The woman
has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says,
"Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've
removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off!
What the hell kind of degenerate are you?"

The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you,
ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when
I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you
taking for it?"

The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."




Ru-Ru

One day, there were three guys exploring the rain forest
when they were attacked by a group of natives. The three
men were taken back to the chieftan to recieve their
punishments.

The chieftan gave them two choices: Death or Ru-Ru.
The first guy stepped forward and said, "Well, I know
what death is, so I'm gonna take Ru-Ru." The chieftan
raised his mighty hand and said, "He chose Ru-Ru!" Half
of the tribe came out and !!!!! him half to death.

The second guy said, "I too know what death is, and
that doesn't seem too bad, so I'm going with Ru-Ru."
The chieftan raised his mighty hand and said, "He chose
Ru-Ru!" The other half of the tribe came out and !!!!!
him half to death.

The third guy, disgusted with this, stepped forward
and exclaimed, "I'm not into any of this pussy shit!
I'm gonna take it like a man! I choose death!" So,
the chieftan raised his mighty hand and said, "He chose
death! Death by Ru-Ru!"

Laughter The Best Medicine

Slippers

A man was at his wealthy friends house when his friend
asked him to go upstairs and get his slippers. The
man agreed, and proceeded upstairs where he saw his
friends two gorgeous 18 and 19 year old daughters having
a pillow fight. The man told the two girls that their
father had sent him upstairs to have sex with them.
The girls replied that their father would never say
such a thing. The man assured them that it was true,
and to prove it he yelled down to their father "Both
of Them?"


Cheap Place

A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABCHospital.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them Rm.60 This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems,pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to findout?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house -

I'm married and we can't go to my house.

Shangrilla Putrajaya charges Rm. 250, Mandarin Oriental charges Rm.280,
Le Meridian charges Rm.230. We do it here for Rm.60, and I get that back from "Medical Claim".......!


Silk Pajamas

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife,
"Something has just come up. I have the chance to go
fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime.
We leave right away, so pack my clothes, my fishing
equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll
be home in an hour to pick them up."

He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. A
week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have
a good trip?"

"Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk
pajamas."

"Oh, no, I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I love Fort Fury. I made back at least the ammo and even got another goki global. Maybe the korrs is really helping me to save on decay and ammo (though still the same decay for the amp 104).

Krayzer went up to 22%. Slow and steady he goes.


Cleansing Sins

Henry goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father,
for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different
women."

The priest says, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into
a glass and drink the juice without pausing."

"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?"

"No," replies the priest. "But it'll wipe that silly
grin off your face."


Intelligence Test

While visiting England, President Bush is invited to
tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership
philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself
with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're
intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the
Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister.
Please answer this question: Your mother has a child,
and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds ,"It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen.
She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, President
Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better
put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee
to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House
and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer
a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a
child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls
a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they
puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody
can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation,
Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and
explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and
your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you
dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House
and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it
is! It's Colin Powell!"

Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, it's
Tony Blair!"

Prosthetic Penis

Bob goes to the Doctor to find out that he has a rare
form of penis cancer. Unfortunately, after the operation
Bob was left feeling "inadequate", so he was sent to
the prosthetic department in the hospital.

While in the department, Bob approaches the head nurse
and requests for the appropriate prosthetic penis. The
nurse pulls out a box and removes the lid. Bob agrees,
"That's about the size of what I had before the surgery,
but I was wondering if you had something a little bigger."
The nurse then pulls out a container about the size
of a boot box and removes the lid. Bob exclaims with
joy, "Yes, that's it,that's the one for me. This will
really appease the ladies and make me famous in town.
Of course, just out of curiosity do you have anything
bigger?" The nurse complies with his request and pulls
out a box that a dozen roses could fit in. Bob is ecstatic,
"Holy-shit! That's it! I've got to have it. I don't
care how much it costs. I've got to have it. Just one
question, does it come in white?"

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Had some problem with EUtoday and I wrote a small support case as below :-

17 Jan 2007 Augustine Teh Huat Chye Teh:
I was hunting feffoids at Fort Fury when out of a sudden between 0840 - 0852 (around 15 minutes before the server went down) the loot froze. As it was normal that the looting returns after a while, I waited. Soc chat was working fine and we chatted away then I was logged out. When I tried to return to the game, I was transported to Port Atlantis. I lost two feffoids there and my socmates Bheema and Baron lost 5 atrox at Ithica.

Just to let you all know.
17 Jan 2007 Entropia Support:
Hi,
Thank you very much for this detailed information. We will certainly investigate this matter further, try to locate the cause and prevent it from happening again. We are constantly working on maintaining a stable system.

On rare occasions, however, issues that affect the performance of the system occur. These issues are due to technical reasons that are both unexpected and unavoidable. In the End User License Agreement (§12), it is stated that MindArk is not liable for the participant’s expenses or losses that may arise from the use of the Entropia Universe.

We again thank you for your patience and participation in the Entropia Universe.

Regards,
Entropia Support

Since my losses was not that big... What the heck.

Note : Noticed my new Avatar?


Drunk Driver

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late
one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him
over.

The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have
you been drinking, sir?"

"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"

"No," replied the policeman, "you were driving splendidly.
It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that
gave you away."


Cheating Wife

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to
the defendant. "You came home from work early and found
your wife in bed with a strange man."

"That's correct," replies the defendant.

"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you took out
a pistol and shot your wife, killing her."

"That's correct," replies the defendant.

"Then my question to you is," demands the prosecutor,
"why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?"

"It seemed easier," the defendant says, "than shooting
a different man every day!"


Good New and Bad News II

A man goes to the doctor because he hasn't been feeling
well. The doctor checks him over and after running
all sorts of tests says, "I've got some good news and
I've got some bad news".

The man replies, "Tell me the bad news first."

The doctor says, "You have a terminal disease, and you
have six months to live."

Still in shock, the man asks, "What is the good news?"

The doctor replies, "Did you happen to notice my great
looking blonde receptionist with the big hooters when
you entered my office? Well, I'm fucking her".

Monday, January 22, 2007

Wow.. Last week looted 5 Korrs from feffs at Limnadian. One of my bettter weeks and a good start for 2007. Krayzer is up 27% while daytona is hovering at 45%.

My company is starting with the ball rolling on registration, printing of name cards, letter heads, etc. Hope to seal some deal soon.


Corporate Fairy Tales

A little girl had just listened to her mother reading
her one of her favorite fairy tales. "Mommy," asked
the child, "do all fairy tales begin with Once Upon
a Time...?"

"No, dearest," replied the mother, "sometimes they start
with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office
tonight'"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Wedding Night Woe

A married couple is about to have sex for the first
time on their wedding night. They start to undress,
and the husband removes his shoes. The wife notices
something frightful about his feet. "Oh my goodness!
What happened to your toes?" she exclaimed. "I have
tolio," he said. "You mean polio?" she asked. "Well,
it's kind of like polio except it only affects your
toes." The husband then removes his pants. "Oh my
gosh!" the wife exclaimed again. "What happened to
your knees?" "I have kneesles. It's kind of like measles
except it only affects your knees." The husband finally
takes off his underwear. The wife says, "Wait, let
me guess, smallcox."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
Pregnant Girl

One day a young woman went to see her doctor who had
to share the news with her that she was indeed pregnant.

The doctor then says to the 16 year old, "Young lady
do you have any idea who the father of your child might
be?"

The young woman replies, "Doctor its like this.... if
you eat a can of beans, do you know which one made you
fart?"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Construction Work


A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant
lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start
building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took
an interest in all the activity going on next door and
started talking with the workers. She hung around and
eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough,
all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of
project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with
them while they had coffee and lunch breaks,and gave
her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her
with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little
girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate
words of admiration and suggested that they take the
dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day
to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed
with the story and asked the little girl how she had
come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working
with a crew building a house all week". "My goodness
gracious", said the teller, "and will you be working
on the house again this week too"?

"I will if those useless cocksuckers at the lumber yard
ever bring us the fucking bricks", replied the little
girl.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Yesterday was fantastic. Got a 260 ped lyst (biggest mining global I ever had in my 4 years in PE/EU) And the feffs was looting good 1 - 30 pedders. If this rate keep up, I am skilling for free with a return of 120%.

Work in real life is piling up. As such will be playing less of EU the next few days. After all, no money = no peds.

Farmers Bull

An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to
breed with the cows and is lamenting this fact to a
few of his friends down at the local grain silos. One
of them says, "You know, I used to have the same trouble
with my bull, but got it fixed really quick."

"How did you get it fixed?"

"Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and
rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right
after her."

He goes home to the farm and decides to try it. He grabs
a cow, dips his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubs
it all around the bull's nose.

The bull gets a rip-roaring boner and jumps on the cow
immediately.

That night, he gets into bed with his wife and can't
get the effect on the bull out of his mind. As she lays
sleeping, he dips his fingers into his wife's vagina
and feeling that it's nice and wet, he rubs it all around
his nose and gets a rip-roaring hard on. He quickly
shakes his wife awake and cries out loud,....

"Darling. Look at THIS!!!"

"She rolls over, turns on the light and says, "You mean
you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show
me that you have a nosebleed?"


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

The Horth

This couple owns a horse farm, and gets a call from
a friend, who tells them, "I know this midget with a
speech impediment who wants to buy a horse and I'm sending
him over."

The midget arrives, and the owners ask if he wants a
male or female horse.

"A female horth", the midget replies. So the owners
show him a mare.

The midget says, "Wet me thee her feet." So they pick
up and inspect all her feet.

"Nith looking horth, can you pick me up an' wet me thee
her mouf?" So the guy picks up the midget and shows
him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouf, hold me up a little higher tho I can thee
her eyeths?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows
him the horse's eyes.

"Ok, waise me up a wittle higher tho I can wook in her
eerths." Now the owner is getting a little pissed! ,
but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him
the horses ears.

"OK, now, tan I see her twat?" With that, the owner
picks up the midget walks around behind and shoves his
head up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out.

Shaking his head and wiping his face, the midget says,
"Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Tan I thee her wun
awownd?


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Wednesday, January 24, 2006

This are ok today. Got myself a 147 trox. Then decided to invest 100 peds in crafting oreamps. Wow... good decision... Got a couple of globals which was used to cycle the crafting wheel by buying more materials and bombs. At the end of the day, QR went up from 9.8 to 14.0 and I got back my investment.



How Unfortunate


After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter,
a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach,
where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion
of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking
forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the
boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to
wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor
but was told the airline was not responsible for the
problem and it would do no good to complain. Upon arrival
at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami
Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost
as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk
clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive
as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool
area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail,
but due to his haste, he made an error in the address.
His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly
preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only
the day before.

When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took
one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream,
and fell to the floor dead. Her family rushed to her
room where they saw this message on the screen: Honey,
Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked
in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received
confirmation of your arrival tomorrow. Your loving husband.

P.S. Things are not as we thought. You're going to be
surprised at how hot it is down here.


Scrubbing the Floor

One day Fred comes home to find his wife scrubbing the
floor in just her bra and panties. He creeps up behind
her and starts giving it to her up the ass. After he
is finished, he slaps her on the cheek. She astonishment
she asks, "What was that for?", and Fred replies "For
not looking to see who it was!"

Friday, January 26, 2007

I am in love with Fory Fury. The loot returns are like 130% (though I blew some away via crafting). This is certainly a good week as I get to skill for FREE and have fun at the same time.

Krayzer progressed to 31% and Daytona is at 45%.

Dumbest Kid in the World?

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son.May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


Heaven

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.


"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle" he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So Holiday Season Begins....

One glass a day

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Hunting
I thought the feffoid invasion at Fury was gonna benefit me. How wrong I was. In fact, it only made Fury uber lag due to the massive swarm of Entropians eager to find out about the 'invasion'. The invasion also explains the sudden increase in the drop of Korrs at Fury. Guess after this the loot will return to normal and we will start to loose peds again.

Disciple
On a lighter note Krayzer has been advancing at a rapid speed this last few days (36% as of yesterday). Makes me proud man...

Society
Our society has grown to a fine one today. Total of 24 soc members and 90% are active (better than those having 200 members and 1% are active) Hope to bring Entropia Asia to new height within a year.

Jokes For Today

No 1
While walking through the Boulder Colorado woods a man came upon
another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck
are you doing?

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You gotta be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped
his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With
this the other guy, slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his
wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy
handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell
happened to you?"

He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head
in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind
the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake..."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

No 2

Vuyo was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know.

Just name someone, anyone, and I know them"

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Vuyo, how about Tom Cruise?"

Vuyo replied, "Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Vuyo and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts,
" Vuyoie! What's happenin ?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!

Although impressed, Vuyo`s boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Vuyo
that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Vuyo says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Vuyo says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Vuyo on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, " Vuyo, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Vuyo, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Vuyo.
"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Vuyo and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Vuyo says, "This will never work. I can't catch the
Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Vuyo emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Vuyo returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Vuyo asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said:

"Who the hell is that on the balcony with Vuyo?

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

No 3

Giving .........head....... massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories.

Swallowing foreign body juices is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth

The American Dental Association says that semen cuts plaque better than mouth wash, so suck a dick and save a smile.

Having nice sex burns 358 calories.

Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories.

Take off her clothes
with her consent.........................12 cal
without......................187 cal

Take off her Bra
With two hands..........................8 cal
With one hand.........................12 cal
With mouth.............................85 cal

Put on Protection
hard . 6 cal
soft..........................315 cal

Foreplay
Looking for target...................8 cal
Finding G spot ......................92 cal
I don't F***ing care....................0 cal

Entry
Holding her..................12 cal
On the floor.................8 cal

With Different Position
Missionary..........................358 cal
Doggy...........................316 cal
69 lying...............................286 cal
69 standing.............................512 cal
Italian hanger.........................912 cal

Orgasm
Real................................112 cal
Faking................................315 cal

After "O"
Lying in Bed............................18 cal
Hop off the bed............................36 cal
Wondering why she left pissed off...........816 cal

Get dressed
Quiet and calm...........................32 cal
Rushing.........................98 cal
Heard her boyfriend opening the door.............1218 cal
Heard her dad at the door.............1942 cal
Her mom walking in.............................. Priceless!!!

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

No 4

I think every woman can relate to the bad hair cut...

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from

the old established hair cutter's place.

They put up a big bold sign which read:

"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIRCUTS!"

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:

"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIRCUTS"

No 5


An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy.

They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean.

We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her
butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

Monday, January 29, 2007

After 2 months of trying, I finally made it

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Now.. to look for some items worthy of the EFDs.


Jokes

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

ANYBODY LOOKING TO RESIGN CAN USE THIS LETTER:

Dear Sir,

This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked up company. I have accepted a lucrative position with a company where being a bitch is not a job prerequisite for managerial skills.

I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that await me, unlike when I worked with you assholes.

My last day of work will be when you realize I came in late last night and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies I requested and received last week.

Hopefully, your dumb ass can figure out all the shit I've left undone for the new team, as well as the ongoing projects I never completed.

Once the company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well.

Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on the street, unless you want your ass kicked.

My experience with this fucking company has been very unrewarding. I was only rewarded by your secretary. She is a good fucker. She screwed me on your desk when you were away. She told me that you screwed her every time she appealed for salary increment. She enjoyed sex with me but not with a corpse like you. In short, you are not only a fucker but a poor fucker.
Anyway, I appreciate having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a better future.

I wish you and the organization not a fucking thing, bitch-ass mother fuckers.

Yours sincerely,

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

The principal was very proud of his school's academic record.

"It is very impressive." said one parent who was considering sending his son there.

"How do you maintain such high standards?"

"Simple," said the principal. "The school motto says it all."

"What's that?" asked the parent.

"If at first you don't succeed, you're expelled."

Thursday, February 1, 2007

What a way to start a new month. Got a nice glboal with 2 vigi parts in it.

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Made my day though. Krayzer onthe other hand has been advancing at a super rapid rate... 45% as of today.

Real life has also been good. Wife finally secured a permanent job (nowonly problem is looking for a half day baby-sitter).

The Queen and Princess Di

The Queen and Princess Di are out for a drive in one
of the Queen's Range Rovers. Suddenly some armed robbers
leap out of the bushes and stop the car. "Give us the
money", they shout at the Queen. The Queen replies,
"But I'm the Queen of England, I have no need for money."
"Oh, bullocks", says the leader of the armed band, and
turns to Princess Di. "Give us yer jewels." Princess
Di replies, "But I don't wear my jewels all the time,
only on state occasions." The armed robbers looked fed
up, when suddenly they heard the sound of wailing sirens
approaching. "Quick, out of the car. We'll have the
Range Rover at least", and with that the robbers drove
off.

As the Queen and Di are waiting for the police to get
there, Di turns to the Queen. "What did you do to all
the cash you had? You're always loaded." "Ah," says
the Queen, "I saw the robbers and in the few seconds
before they got to the car I rolled up my notes and
tucked them into that little place that women have.
Reaching into her skirt, she produces several thousand
pounds in notes. "And what did you do with your jewels?
You always wear lots of jewelry, my dear." The Queen
says to Di. "Well, like you, in those few seconds before
the robbers got to the car, I slipped off my rings,
necklaces and tiara, and like you, slipped them into
that little place that only women have." Reaching down
she plucks out her jewelry. They both sit quietly for
a few minutes, before the Queen turns to Di..."You know,
if Fergie had been with us, we could still have that
Range Rover."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
Box of Tampons

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine,
the other four.

The nine-year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf
and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your Mom, huh.?"
The nine-year old shakes his head and replies, Nope,
not for my Mom."

Cashier: "Well, they must be for your sister then?"

Nine-year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."

Cashier, curious now: "If they're not for your Mom and
not for your sister, who are they for?"

The nine-year old says, "They're for my four-year old
brother."

Surprised, the cashier asks, "Your little brother right
here??"

Nine year old explains: "Well, yeah! They say on TV
if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike,
and my little brother can't do either!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Tight Pants

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring
at a girl wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks
over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you
could start by buying me a drink."


How To Explain
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Picture Update

A few latest pictures taken lately.


My son (ps : That is NOT my hand)
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

My daughter (crying to go for a second round)
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Son again (up close and personal) - guy behind is my father in law

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Daughter again (Check out the teeth due to too much candy by her uncle and aunties)

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Well... Loot at Feff city has dropped. Crafting sux. Looks like things are taking a turn for the worse. Only good news is that Chang is back after a long holiday and Krayzer is 56% todate.

Work has been piling too. Sigh... Too bad my damn secretary is useless.. Procrastination must be her hobby.

Jokes

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.

"Give me one last request, dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.

With his last breath John said, "I do!"

Friday, February 9, 2007

Wow... Loots returned for me at Limandian but disappered at Fury. Guess it is those season where certain place/mob will lgobal while the rest goes dry... Down to my last Korrs so hoping to loot that unlimited one.


Krayzer is 60%. Not bad. Day is back to his previous mentor (Frank - my brother). DAmn I need a HoF soon... and badly...



Gods Vacation

God decides it's time he has a vacation. So he asks
St. Peter for his assistance. St. Peter says, "Why
don't you go to Mercury?" "Oh no!" says God, "I went
there 25,000 years ago and got the worst sunburn of
my life." St. Peter says, "How about Pluto?" "Oh no!"
says God, "I went there 10,000 years ago, broke my leg
skiing." St. Peter says, " How about earth?" "Oh no!"
says God, "I went there 2,000 years ago knocked up some
Jewish chick and I've been hearing about it ever since".


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Angry Snail

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up,
and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally
sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks
it up and throws it across the street into a field.
Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on
his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks
all around and he finally sees the little snail sitting
on the doormat. The snail says, "What the fuck was that
all about?"


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Driving Under the Influence

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-
the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow
stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his
keys on five different cars before he found his. Then
the man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his
keys for several minutes. By this time everyone had
left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his
engine and began to pull away. However, the police
officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer
test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled
officer demanded to know how that could be. With a
smile on his face, the driver replied, "Tonight, I'm
the designated decoy!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Pearly Gates

A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted,
while St. Peter is leafing through this Big Book to
see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes
through the book several times, furrows his brow, and
says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did
anything really good in your life but, you never did
anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell
me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life,
you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there
was this one time when I was driving down the highway
and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang Rapists assaulting
this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was
going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50
of them torturing this girl. Infuriated, I got out
of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and
walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge
guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running
from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader,
the KKK Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me.

So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed
him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned
around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor,
innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged
animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in
pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."

Laughter The Best Medicine

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining
the coroner.

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you
taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate,
you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain
was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible
he could be out there practicing law somewhere.



A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that
he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should
he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers,
and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-
cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later,
the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day
to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on
washing the dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "I think it's
a wonderful gesture."

"We hadn't started eating yet."


Driving a small town ambulance, it was not uncommon for my
husband and I to stop at the local grocer to buy food for
dinner after a call at the end of the day. I had gone in to
get a head of lettuce and some tomatoes, and unknown to me the
floor was wet. Down I went, hitting my head hard.

When I came to, the manager of the store was sitting beside
me telling me not to move, that he had called 911.

At the same time my pager went off and he looked at me and
asked, "What was that?"

"My pager," I said. "I am 911."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

*****************************************
An optometrist instructs a woman in his office to read the
eye chart.

"Sorry, Doc," she says. "I can't make it out."

"Can you see my diploma hanging on the wall?"

"Nope, it's too blurry," she answers.

He thinks a minute, then takes out his penis. "Can you see
this?"

"Why yes, it's your penis."

"I knew it," he says, "you're cock-eyed!"

Monday, February 12, 2007

Looks like luck is back on my side. Won a double bonus.



Now... If only the same luck goes to EU in hunting and crafting...

Flat Tire

A rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when
they get a flat tire. He gets out and starts trying
to pry off the hubcap. After he struggles a few minutes,
she looks out at him and says, "You wanna screwdriver?"

He says, "Hell, we might as well. I can't get this freaking
hubcap off."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

The Elevator

A brunette, a red head and a blonde climb onto an elevator
when the brunette notices a small white pasty stain
on the floor. She looks at her two friends and says,
"Well I don't know, but that sure looks like someone's
cum to me." The red head looks at the spot and crouches
down near it. She sniffs the small stain and says,
"Well I don't know, but that sure smells like someone's
cum to me." The blonde decides to settle the matter.
She too crouches down by the spot. Then she proceeds
to dip her finger in it and put it to her mouth. "Well
it sure isn't anyone from this building."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

God Questions

So little Bobby goes up to his mom one day and starts
asking her some questions. He says, "Mommy, is God
a man or a woman?" Bobby's mother responds, "God is
both a man and a woman, sweetheart." He asks another
question, "Is God black or white?", and his mother replies,
"God is both black and white." Bobby raises another
question, "Mom, is God gay or straight?", and his mother
replies, "God is both gay and straight." So little Bobby
asks his final question, "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson??"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


Balcony View

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off
a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son
in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their
plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from
the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove
by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having
sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?"
the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his
son replied.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

This week has certainly been crazy...

I won the EFD lottery (double bonus weekly and daily),

Got a 9480 HoF...

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Found some angel scales

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

All in all I am thankful to MA and EF.

Jokes

Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control
your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig
to the top of a steep hill.

Just as he was starting down the equally
steep other side, he noticed a man and a
woman lying in the centre of the road,
making wild and passionate love.

In total disbelief, he blew his air horn
several times as he was bearing down
on them. He realised that they were
not going to stop or get out of his way,
so he slammed on his brakes and
stopped just inches from them.

Furious, he got out of the cab and
walked to the front of the truck. He
looked down at the two, still in the
road, and yelled, "What the hell's the
matter with you two? Didn't you hear
me blowing the horn?
You could have been killed!"

Eventually, the man looked up at the
truck driver, obviously satisfied
and not too concerned and said,
"Look, I was coming, she was coming,
and you were coming. You were the
only one with brakes."

Tuesday. Febraury 20, 2007

MAn.. After 3 HoFs I finally spent everything I had.. Got loads of assets though so trying to liquid it. I decided to sell my bp too (The one that got me the HoF)



Krayzer is 92%. I shuld be getting my ME item by month end (crossing finger for Foxtrot ME).

That Pesky Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when
she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have Mr. Wolf!", says Little
Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further
down the road Little Red RidingHood sees the wolf again.
This time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My, what
big ears you have Mr Wolf!", says Little Red Riding
Hood. Once again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About
2 miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the
wolf yet again, this time crouched down behind a road
sign. "My, what big teeth you have Mr Wolf!", taunts
Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps
up and screams, "Will you leave me the fuck alone? I'm
trying to take a shit you dumb bitch!"


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Jamaica Trip

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first
class section. The stewardess tells her she must move
to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, and I have
a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach
Jamaica."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the
woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart,
I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until
we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what
to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers
seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.

The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her
ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in
the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot
what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies,
"I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going
to Jamaica".

Wednesday, Febraury 21, 2007

Loots generally sux. I guess my time is over cause the feff globals keep popping out without my name on it. However got a consolation 100+ ped cald and 50+ ped exa stalker. All in all it was a 70% return. Man I need another hof..

Couple in Heaven

This older couple met their demise in an auto accident
and were transported to Heaven. As they were waiting
to be processed, they began to look all around at their
setting for eternity.

The wife was amazed at the beauty, the peace and the
contentment she felt and commented over and over about
what a nice place Heaven was and how fortunate she felt
to be there.

The husband sneered,... "If it weren't for you and your
God damned oat-bran muffins & all that health food crap,
we'd have been here 15 years ago!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

New Bike

A father came home from a long business trip to find
his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where
did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost
$300."

"Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you
were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would
come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell
me to take a hike!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Oral Cure

A woman was seriously injured in an auto accident that
caused her to go into a coma. After months of treatment,
she still showed no signs of recovery.

One day the nurse was giving the lady a sponge bath.
When the nurse wiped her pussy, the lady quivered.
The nurse was excited. She ran into the doctor's office
and informed him of the situation. The doctor took
the sponge and wiped the lady's pussy and again she
quivered.

Immediately the doctor called the lady's husband. When
the husband arrived at the hospital, the doctor suggested
to him, "Your wife is responding to stimuli. You may
be able to bring her out of the coma. Try having oral
sex with her. She may respond to your touch and your
smell. She needs you." The husband was more than willing.
He was however a little embarrassed about having oral
sex in front of the doctor. The doctor suggested that
he and the nurse would monitor the event from another
room across the hall.

So the doctor hooked the lady up to several electrodes
and he and the nurse went to the other room to monitor
the session. After a while of watching the meters go
beep.... beep.... beep...., the heart monitor flat lined.
The lady had died. The doctor and nurse ran into the
room and asked, "What happened? Your wife is dead!!"
The husband replied, "I think she choked."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Laughter The Best Medicine

Rose Tattoo

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walks a young chick with a low cut blouse that revealed a rose tattooed on one boob.


One lady leaned over to the other and said, "She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll be wearing a long stemmed rose in a hanging basket .

Drunk

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Explorer

An explorer is searching in the Amazon jungle for this lost tribe whose women are reputed to have vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches long.
Finally he finds the tribe and is invited to sit down with the chief.
"Is it correct," he says to the chief," that your women have vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches long?"
"That correct, man," says the chief.
"However do you manage to have sex with women with vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches long?" inquires the explorer.
"The chief looks at him as if he were an idiot and says,
"They stretch, man. They stretch!"

Shadow

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Golf Course

Bart and Art have been a twosome on the links every day since they've been retired.

One day, as they're putting on their golf shoes in the club house, they get into a conversation about heaven and whether there are any golf
courses there. They make a pact.

The first one to die will come back and tell the other one.

Bart dies first, and sure enough, comes back to visit Art.
Art says," Well are there any golf courses in heaven?"
"I have good news and I have bad news," says Bart.
"We have the ultimate golf course in the sky and tournament which starts tomorrow."
"So what's the bad news?"
"You're my partner!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Pregnant

A blonde is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along.

She goes to see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried.
She asks," What if the baby starts coming, and I can't get to the hospital in time."
The doctor replies, "Well, woman have been having babies for a million years without an attendance by doctors.
It's a very natural process.
The first thing you do is to assume the same position you were laying in when you got pregnant."
The blonde interrupts with," Do you mean with the left foot in the glove compartment and the right foot hanging out the window?"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Bad Luck

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears," You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth." I think you're bad luck, get away from me."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Loot was bad. So bad that everyone is globaling on feff but me. After wasting 500 peds there.. decided to change venue. My old playground - Limnadian. Hunting was equally abd there too but the mining was good. Got a couple avg and modest. One though caught my attention. Had to literally mine and swim at the same time!



Sex Doctor

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase
the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to
take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns
came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical
exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then
concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I
can help you.

"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery
store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home,
take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes
across the floor until you make a bullseye in your wife's
love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to
her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only
your tongue.

"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from
across the room, toss them at your husband until you
make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness,
you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut."

The couple went home and their sex life became more
and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs.
Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor
greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case
unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted
the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help
you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex
life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help.

"The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped
our friends the Browns, now please, please help us."

"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home
from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some
apples and a box of cheerios..."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Sergeant Major Dick

An Army Sgt. Major walks into a whorehouse and approaches
the madam and says, "My name is Sgt. Major Dick and
I'm here for a woman!" The madam immediately escorts
the soldier upstairs and selects the best girl they
have for him. Sgt. Major Dick immediately disrobes
and is standing with his hands on his hips while he
looks at the prostitute awaiting him on the bed. He
then says, "My name is Sgt. Major Dick, been in the
Army thirty years, and I'm a master of my mind and body,
DICK, ATTEN-HUN!" Immediately, his penis becomes fully
erect. The prostitute is in awe and asks him how he
can do that. The Sgt. Major replies, "Like I said,
I've been in the Army thirty years, and I'm a master
of my mind and body, DICK, AT EASE!" His penis immediately
goes limp. The prostitute still can't get over the
control he has and asks him for another demonstration.
The Sgt. Major says, "I'm a master of my mind and body,
DICK, ATTEN-HUN!" (a raging hard-on once again), and
he follows this display of prowess with the command
of, "DICK, AT EASE!" (His penis goes limp once again).
The prostitute still can't believe her eyes and asks
for the demonstration yet again. The Sgt. Major shouts,
"I've already told you honey, I've been in the Army
thirty years, and I'm a master of my mind and body,
DICK, ATTEN-HUN!" His penis becomes immediately erect,
and then he gives the following command, "DICK, AT EASE."
The Sgt. Major looks down, and to his amazement, his
penis is still hard. He then says, "Apparently you
didn't hear me soldier, DICK, AT EASE!" Once again,
his penis is still fully erect. The Sgt. Major is now
fuming, and says, "I'm going to tell you one more time,
DICK, AT EASE!" No luck, his penis is still hard.
He yells, "God damn it!!!", and moves to the side of
the bed and starts to masturbate vigorously. The prostitute
asks, "What the hell is going on?" The Sgt. Major replies,
"This soldier disobeyed a direct order, and I'm giving
him a dishonorable discharge!!!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Help Wanted

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde
went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?"

"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant,
but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two
days of the week start with the letter 'T'?".

"Today and tomorrow." replied the blonde.

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct
answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen
carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff.

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought
really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't
know."

The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go home and
work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where
her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on
the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Looks like it is easy mob season. Snables , snarksnots, daikiba, etc all hoffing.

But life in EU is not all that well. After that 9k HoF.. it seems quite impossible to get a global from feff anymore. Cycled 2k peds this week on feff and got nothing to show for it except 4 burnt-out korrs 400 and 1 burnt-out korss 380.

Three Wishes

This little old lady was sitting on her front porch
in her rocking chair reflecting on her long life when
a fairy godmother approached her to grant her three
wishes.

"What would you like for your first wish, she said."
The little old lady said "I guess I'm like everyone
else, and would like to be rich." POOF-her rocking
chair turned into solid gold.

"And, for your second wish?" She said, "Well, again,
like everyone else, I wish I were young and beautiful."
POOF--she was turned into a beautiful young woman.

As she was trying to come up with her third wish, her
cat walked across the porch in front of her. "Ooh--
can you turn him into a handsome prince?" POOF--before
her eyes was the most handsome young man she had ever
seen.

She was sitting there all smitten--he smiled at her
with a smile that made her knees week. He slowly approached
her and whispered in her ear.

"I'll bet you're really pissed off that you had me neutered.

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Martinis

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar,
and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he
finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket,
then he orders the bartender to prepare another double
martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks
inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to
bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look,
buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. Bust
you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket
before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm
peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look
good, then I know it's time to go home."

Why You Need To Smile

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


Birds and the Bees

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about
the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding
and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa
Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth
Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups
don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to believe
in!"

Divorce Settlement

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Psychics Prediction

Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball,
the mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt
- prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will
die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined
face, then at the single flickering candle, then down
at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose
herself.

She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's
gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:

"Will I be acquitted?"

Thought Of The Day

Todays thought of the day will be a little mind boggling...



Check out Lateral Thinking . . .

Scroll down slowly

and be honest to yourself.

Think like a wizard . . .




1.







Ans. = man overboard





Okay, let's see

if you've got the hang of it.









2.











Ans. = I understand






OK . . .

Got the drift ?




Let's try a few now and see

how you fare?






3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/











Ans. = reading between the lines






4.









Ans. = cross road







Not having a good day now, are you ?


Redeem yourself.







5.










Ans. = tricycle




Easy to figure that one out ha!









6.











Ans. = two degrees below zero






C'mon give it a little thought ! !







7.











Ans. = neon light

( knee - on - light )








U can prove u r smart by getting this one.







8.














Ans. = six feet underground






Oh no, not again ! !













9. he's X himself












Ans. = he's by himself






Now u messing up big time.








10.









Ans. = backward glance






Not even close ! !










11. death ..... life













Ans. = life after death




Okay last chance ..................






12. THINK











Ans. = think big ! !







And the last one is real fundoo - - -











13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb...












Ans. = long time no 'C'

( see )

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Remember when I struck the 9k Feff and 2.5k Ore amps? Well.... all gone. Am down to my last 50 peds. I repeated my last mistake again when I hof the 3k esto the same way. Blew it all on crafting.

Moral of the story : Don't craft more than 100 peds each session.

Haven't been on the last couple of days as had 2 kids to take care of. Wife went back to studying. Got a Brave ME from Krayzer. Only good news I had all week. 2nd partial good news is that my previous disciple that disappeared 8 months ago had suddenly reapperared (he stopped at 92%). So looks like I will be getting my 2nd ME item this month.


60 Years of Bad Sex

An elderly couple were sitting on their front porch
one evening, when the wife picks up her cane and whaps
her husband across the shins.

"Jesus Christ, woman! What the hell was that for?"
he yells.

"That's for 60 years of bad sex." she replies.

A few minutes later, the husband picks up his cane and
whaps his wife across the shins.

"Ow!!" she yells. "What the hell was THAT for??"

The husband looks at her and says, "That's for knowing
the difference."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

The Stutter

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "DDDDDoc,
I've bbbeen stuttterrrering for yeeears, and IIII'm
tired of it. Caaaan yoooou hellllp me?"

The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see
what's going on."

So he examines him, and says, "Well I think I know what
the problem is."

The guy asks, "Weeell wwwhat is it, dddoc?

The doctor replies, "Well, it's your penis, it's about
a foot long and all the down pressure is putting strain
on your vocal cords."

The guy asks, "Wwwhaat caaan we dddo?"

The doctor says, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant
a shorter one."

The guy replies, "DDDDDoooo it!"

The guy has the operation and three weeks later, he
comes back into the doctor's office and says, "Doc,
you solved the problem and I don't stutter anymore,
but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks.
My wife doesn't like it anymore. She liked it with my
long one. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want
you to put my long one back on."

The doctor says, "NNNNope.....AAAA ddddeal's aaa dddddeal!!!

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Mixed Up Test Results

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his
wife's test results.

Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a
bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent
the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from
another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now
uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's
either bad or terrible."

Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?"

Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive
for Alzheimer disease and the other was positive for
AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."

Mr. Smith: "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?"

Receptionist: "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and
they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

Mr. Smith: "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your
wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way
home, don't sleep with her."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Golf Club Sign

A golf club sign informing visitors of its dress code:

Guys: No Shirts, No Golf

Girls: No Shirts, No Green Fee

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Phew... Had our soc 23 ped beacon mission and it was a success. 9 of us participated including me. Total revenue was around 160 - 170 peds with pixie mask and gnome harness looted. Was hoping for ESIs but... heck.. Personal hunt was not that great. Though made some peds in a hunt or two will most probrably loose peds int he next 3 - 4 hunts.

My new company seems to be kicking off with meeting of clients last week. Hope to close at least 2 deals out of the 17 companies we met.


Top Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked...

1. Your boss is always yelling," I want to see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
5. You want to see if it's like the dream.
6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
10. No one steals your chair.

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

The Foursome

When three middle managers, all from the same company,
lost their golfing fourth, they decided to invite his
replacement. However, to their concern, his replacement
was a woman. However, they didn't want to abandon their
Sunday sessions so they approached her. Surprisingly,
she did play golf and said she would join them at either
6:30 or 6:45 on Sunday morning.

She arrived at 6:30 on Sunday, and impressed the three
with a 67 round. In the bar afterwards, they invited
her to join them at the same time next week, and she
replied, "Great, I'll arrive at 6:30 or 6:45."

Next Sunday, she arrived at 6:30, and this time she
played left-handed and shot a 66! In the bar afterwards,
her friends were very impressed, especially by her ability
to play either left- or right-handed. They asked her
how she decided which clubs to bring.

"Well", she said, "I have a system that never fails.
When I wake up on Sunday morning, I look over at my
husband in bed and if his dick is lying to the left,
I bring my left-handed clubs, and if it is lying on
the right then I bring my right handed clubs."

"What do you do if it's in the middle?" they asked.

"In that case, I arrive at 6:45!"


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Road Rage

This couple is driving along the highway and the husband,
who is driving, is complaining about everything...the
heat, the long drive, bad drivers, the country, etc.
His wife is getting absolutely annoyed with his depressing
talk, so she says to him, "One more complaint and I'll
cut your penis off with my Swiss army knife!" About
half an hour later, he starts complaining again, and
before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife and
slices her husband's penis off and throws it out the
window.

Driving behind the couple's car is another married couple
and their 8 year old daughter. The penis suddenly lands
on their car's windshield and the father, in a panic,
quickly puts on the windshield wipers to get the dick
off the windshield and out of the view of his daughter.
After he does this, the daughter asks, "Daddy, what
was that?". Her father, still in a panic, replies, "Oh
it was only a butterfly, dear." To which his daughter
replies, "Fuck me, did you see the size of its dick!"

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Woo.. Seems like mining and crafting is getting better while hunting is going down for the average Joe like me. Got 2 mining globals this week alone where as the past 4 years I only got like 4 - 5 globals on mining. Crafting was looting quite good too with the drop of MA-103 bp (unlimited). Hunting on the other hand has dropped to a return of 55 - 60%.

Found my long lost disciple Corey who decided to return to EU after 9 months of absence. Luckily I did not kick him off the disciple list or else wont have gotten my BRAVE ME. Now am looking for a new disciple to get that Foxtrot ME.

Boy and Girl Differences

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from
his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having
some difficulty with the differences between boys and
girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have
a talk with Johnny about this."

So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs
to her bedroom, and closes the door.

- First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse...

Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

-Ok, now take off my skirt...

and he takes off her skirt.

- Now take off my bra...

which he does.

-And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.

and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,

"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school
any more!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Nothing Happened

A gentleman is returning home after a lengthy trip, and is met by his
servant at the station. This is the conversation that they have on
their way to his home:
"So, has anything happened while I've been away?"
"No, sir, I can't think of anything at all worth mentioning."
"Come now, I've been away for weeks. Surely something must have
happened in all that time."
"Well, sir, come to think of it, your dog died."
"My *dog* died? How awful! Still, he was getting on in years, and I
suppose it had to happen some time. How did he die?"
"The vet said it was probably from eating the rotten meat."
"The rotten meat? Since when do we leave rotten meat lieing around for
the dog to eat?"
"Well, it was the horses, sir. They'd been rotting for some time after
the barn burned down."
"Good heavens. How in the world did the barn burn down?"
"It must have been some embers that blew over from the house, sir."
"The *house*? The house burnt down too? How did the house burn down?"
"Well, sir, we think someone must have knocked over a candle."
"Oh. ... Wait a moment - we don't use candles anymore to light the
house! What were the candles doing there?"
"They were there for the wake, sir."
"The wake?!? Whose wake?"
"Your mother's, sir. She passed away quite suddenly."
"Oh my Lord. Mother is dead. The house is gone, along with the stable.
Even my dog is dead. What did Mother die of?"
"It must have been the shock, sir."
"The shock."
"Yes, sir, the shock. When your wife ran off with the handyman the day
after you left, sir. But aside from all that, it's been fairly quiet
while you've been away, sir."




Join the Church

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple
and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new
parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for
two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were
you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations!
Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two
weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The
second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple
of nights but, yes we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for
the two weeks," the young man replied.

"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf
and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I
was over come with lust and took advantage of her right
there."

"You understand of course, this means you will not be
welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's OK," said the young man, "We're not welcome
at Safeway anymore either."

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Loots certainly is in influx. Either no loots or small pecs then suddenly a 30 - 49 pedder. Burnt out all my korrs so now hunting with the MK II. Hope to loot one from the feffs soon.

Genesis Gen Yang (owner of LA32) joined us. Looks like our soc is growing at turbo speed.

Below are some of my wedding pics with my wife.

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


Harley Davidson and Women

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation,
dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells
Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your
motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you
can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out
with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the Gates
takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to
God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor
of Woman?"

God says, "Ah, yes."

"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws
in your invention:

1. there's too much front end protrusion

2. it chatters at high speeds

3. the rear end wobbles too much, and

4. the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on."

God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a
few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer
prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may
be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur
Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people
are riding my invention than yours."

A Safe Death

A man was having serious medical problems and had an
appointment to see his doctor. He was so distraught
over the likely possibility of bad news that he asked
his son to go along with him.

Sure enough, the doctor announced that the man had terminal
cancer and had only a short time to live. Needless
to say, he was devastated. Finally the son consoled
him enough to leave the office and they decided to go
to the local tavern and bury their sorrows in alcohol.

When they entered the bar, all the man's friends were
there. They saw how bad he looked and one pal commented,
"It looks like you just saw the grim reaper!" The man
replied, "Yeah, I just saw my doctor and I've got AIDS."

Astonished, the son pulled his dad over to the side
and said, "Dad, I was with you at the doctor's office
and he said that you have terminal cancer, not AIDS."
To which the man replied, "I know that, but I don't
want any of those bastards fucking your mother after
I'm dead!!!!!!"