The Adventures of nOOb and Mob-> the sekrit life of entropia's mobs

[Gwen Ryuunami]

This is a series of cracktastic comedy vignettes about the adventures of a noobie as he learns how to survive in the hostile environment of Calypso!

And has sidestories about the lovable, gullible, baby Merp named Merp and his fellow entropia mobs!

Be warned! You will fall over laughing!!!!! If you are not strapped in you will fall out of your chair!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART ONE ----> COMBIBO NEEDS GLASSES!!!!!

Location: sweat camp

Combibo Young: What /is/ that thing?

Noob: Alright! I found a combibo!! Sweat city! (powers up for sweating)

Combibo young: (creeps closer to get a better look.) I need glasses, what /is/ that big orange thing?

Noob: (starts sweating) I'm seeing ped signs!

Combibo Young: My head hurts...... @.@

Noob: Almost, almost almost.

The sweat attempt has failed

Noob: NO!

Combibo Young: My poor head! That orange thing did it! I'm sure of it!!!

Noob: Gotta try again...... come on baby......... (powers up again)

Combibo Young: There's only one way to protect my aching head! CHARGE!!!! Run the orange blob out of town!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Noob: Oh no, oh no! RUN!!!! (flees)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART TWO ---------> PRESERVING MERPLY HONOR!!!!!

Noob follows Mentor through Shinook jungle: WOOOOOW! Its purple and sparkly! There are really mining spots here?

Mentor: Yeah, but there's a downside.

Merp young peeeeeres over the nearest log. "HUMANS!" Scampers back to momma. "Momma! Momma! Humans! Over there's! Is it true they has flavor?"

Merp Mature pats her baby. "Yes, they has flavor. But humans are very friendly. We must give them the traditional Merp welcome!"

Merp Old Alpha cheers. "THE TRADTIONAL MERP WELCOME! Come on out everybody!!!!!"

Merp Prowler, Merp Stalker, Merp Guardian, Merp Dominant and Merp Provider all perk their heads up from the bushes. "The traditional Merp welcome???? OOOOOOOOOOH! Wait for meEEEEEEE!"

Merp Old Alpha: My mighty Merp brotheren! We must welcome the humans to our fair jungle! Rally behind me, we will give them the traditional welcome party!!!!!

Merps all cheer and follow Merp young. "Seeeeeeeee! They're this way!!!!" Merp Young points to Noob and Mentor.

Mentor: Ho boy.

Noob: What is it?

Mentor: when i say run, run for your life.

Noob nods nervously. "Okay."

Noob and Mentor round the corner, and are faced by upward of 3 dozen merps.

Merps collectively chirp. "Heeellllllooooooooooooo!"

Noob: ^^;;;;; aaaaah, should we be worried.

Merps collectively bounce. "Weeeeellllllcome!"

Mentor: Very, they eat people just for fun. They attack you and they won't leave you alone until you die.

Merps collectively wiggle. "Heeeeeey! Saaaay something!"

Noob: Can I shoot them?

Merps collectively whimper. "They won't talk to us."

Mentor: Aaah, well they drop pretty good loot, if you're lucky. But if you want to shoot them and /win/ you're going to need a /lot/ of luck. Because you'll die before you get to the loot.

Merp Old Alpha: The traditional Merp welcome party has recieved no reply! This is the greatest of intercultural insults! We must preserve our Merply honor and roust the infidels from our hallowed land!

Merps collectively squeal. "Preserve our merply honor! Save our hallowed land!"

merp old alpha: CHARGE!!! KILL THE HUMAN BARBARIANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Merps charge, swarm and tackle Noob and Mentor.

Noob + Mentor: noooooooooooooooo! Now we have to go back to the revive.......... ;.; ;.;

Merps begin doing a victory dance. "yaaaaaaaaaay! We won! Our Merply Honor has been restored!"

Merp Old Alpha: Remember Merp grasshopper, we Merps are the most social, most beautiful, most gracious mobs on Calypso! Kill any human who smears our Merply honor through the mud!!!

Merp Young: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 3 ----> I'M TOO SMEXY FOR MY...... WAIT WHAT????

Location: Camp Phoenix.........

Berycled Mature: Oh no you don't! (bobbs up and down, wiggling eagerly)

Cornandacuada mature: Oh yes I do! (wiggles its tail and flaps its sails)

Berycled Mature: Oh no you don't!

Corndacuada mature: I'm cuter!

Berycled Mature hops up and down, infuriated. "I'm the cute one! See? Red is the in color, and I have more of it on me than you!"

Cornandacuada mature: But I'm bigger! There's more of me to show off.

Berycled Mature barks. "Yeah, but you're more of a heffer than Missus Armax. You're too clumsy and uncoordinated, so you can't dance. See? The humans do it like this." She wiggles and whirls, bouncing up and down and prancing here and there. "I'm, too smecksy for my frill, too smecksy for my frill so just take a chiiiilllll......"

Cornandacuada mature watches, huge eyed. "Where'd you learn to do that?" Tail wiggles. "I wanna learn to do that!"

Berycled Mature barks again, shaking her head. "Honey, if you want to learn to do that, you need to lose too legs and a few hundred pounds."

Cornandacuada mature cries. "I'm not fat!"

Berycled Mature "uhhuh gurl keep telling yourself that! Cause you're too big and I'm just /so/ fresh!"

Cornandacuada mature bawls. "I know, humans invented fashion! We'll go ask them! See? There are four of them over there!"

Hunter and Miner have joined Noob and Mentor.

Miner: Actually, you need four tools to mine. The green beacons are ore, things like iron, copper, gold, but also made up ones like Lysterium, Blauserium, and Gazzurdite. The blue beacons are enmatter. Most of these are made up, oil is the only real one. Some of the most common are alcienes and garcen to name a few. But there are three really valuable ones."

Mentor: Yep, sweetstuff, growth molecules and nexus are always in high demand.

Hunter: Yeah, that's why people buy sweat, Nexus is an enmatter that makes Mind essence when you mix it with sweat. ME is really in demand. My pyrotropy and teleport chips won't work without it. And you need teleport chips to make an escape if you're surrounded by...... uh oh......

Cornundacuada Mature and Berycled Mature bear down on the quartet. "Hey mister human! Hey mister HUUUMAAAAN! Berycled thinks I look fat! Do I really?"

Hunter groans and whips out a battle ax. "Let me take care of this."

Berycled turns and runs, but Cornandacauda pauses, blinking in surprise. "Oh, you're going to help me lose weight with that ax? That's very considerate but it looks........ er...... pain...... ful?"

Hunter swings ax and yells. "HOAAARG! Hiya! Got you!"

Cornandacuada bawls and runs. "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat some worms!" ;.;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A joke that fits in here............

Snabblesnot: Longu, your nose is growing.

Longu: Pot calling the kettle black.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 4 -----> Keep off the Grass! No miners in Old Man Longu's garden!

Longu Old waters flowers south of Emerald Lakes. "Dooo deee dum! Aaaaah, flowers are growing! I do say, the radioactive fertilizer that robot traded me is making my flowers grow bright! oooooh, I'll have Karoot greens up to my ears! And the bombardo vines are the length of my nose!"

Noob reads tag. "Dear Noob, now that you have mining equipment of your own, I bought you some ore bombs and matter probes. Sincerely, Mentor.......

PS: Don't use them around Longu, they're kind of touchy about them."

"Oh come on, those big lugs are as stupid as they are slow." Noob takes off southbound out of Emerald Lakes. "Ooooh, probby drop and bomby blow, away amining I will go!"

Longu Old looks up. "Is that one of those durn whippersnappers again????" Yawns.

Drops a bomb and pivots on heal. "Baboooom!" Drops a probe and twirls the other way. "Squeeeeeeeee! I'll have nexus coming out my ears and peds flowing in my coffers! Bomb! bomb like I've never bombed before! Well........ except for that F on my trig exam, that isn't a bomb I want to repeat but........." Ballerina twirls and flings a bomb.

Which lands at the feet of Longu Old, spraying mud and flower petals up into his face. "WHY YOU LITTLE! That was an 80 ped heirloom climatis vine you just blew to bits!"

Noob squeals. "Lets see, I have gazzurdite ample this way." Bounce bounce, spin out the excavator.

Longu old gets a spurt of gravel to the eyes. "MY DAISIES!" Sputters.

"THATS IT!" Longu old darts after noob. "You damn whippersnapper! STAY AWAY from my garden!" Chases Noob into the water and stops. "DAMNIT!" Stomps off grunting. Hammers a sign up next to the mining claim. "KEEP OFF THE GRASS!!!!!!!!!"

Noob blinks, squeaking in surprise from the water. "What was that about?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 5 ---> MINDARK GETS CARRIED AWAY! CORNANDACUADA CRUNCH! also called.......... MERP VANDALS AT BILLIES! MISSING OPALLOS?

A lone merp sits in front of an advertising banner. "I love these big bright moving things! They're so much fun to watch and they're so bright and sparkly! I could stare at it for hours and hours and hours!"

Commercial......

"New from MindArk, Cornandacuada Crunch! Now with soft fluffy Papplon Center! Enjoy all the taste of Entropia's flashiest quadroped with none of the pain!"

Merp Young wiggles. "Yuuuuuuummmm!" Drools. "I gotta tell the other merps!" squeals and runs. "GUYS! GUYS! They're filling Cornandacauda with papplon fluff! We gotta catch one and eat it!"

Merp Old sighs. "Aye, our fields of sweet juicy papplon have been looking rather........ wilted......... of late. We'll go hungry at this rate! What do humans do when they're running out of food?"

"Go to the grocery store?" Merp Mature cocks its head.

Merp Young. "IIIIIIII KNOW!"

Party of little Merps creeps into a trailer at Billy's. "SHUSH NOW! Which one is it? Which one has the bang bang things inside?"

"Its the blue one! The blue one! They call it a Teet teet."

"Then its time to raid the Teet Teet!"

"We need a pededy card!"

"No we don't! Watch!" BAM!!!! Merp young one headbutts the tt.

Opallos fall out of the Trade Terminal. "YAY! Bang bang things!"

"Don't we need hands?"

"No way! Now help me get the things the bang bangs need to work."

"I don't know which one to take! Are they yellow or blue or little yellow or little blue?"

"Just take all of them!"

All. "WHEEEEEEEEEEE! We have bang bangs!"

The next day..........

Cornandacuada Mature, Old and Alpha blink in surprise at being confronted by a swarm of merps, with opallos. "What the heck are you lot up to!"

Merp Young. "Give us your papplon yummy yums!"

"My what what?"

Merp Young. "BANG!" And they all start shooting.

Cornandacauda Mature. "WHAT THE HELL???? ARE YOU GUYS FRIGGIN......... AAAACK!"

A pair of Berycled watch as 3 dozen baby merps chase three /very/ large cornandacauda, /with/ stolen opallos! "That's something you don't see every day."

Cornandacauda Mature "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" @.@ "Stupid fluff head terpdung foof footed.......... WE ARENT EDIBLE!!!"

~that night, at Billy's~

Noob inspects the trade terminal. "Out of order?"

Billy's Local: We aren't sure what happened at all. All we know is that the screen is busted and the opallos and ammo are all missing.

Noob "For real? Does that even happen?"

"Not that I remember."

Uber hunter holds up a dead merp. "Hey, is there a reason this thing dropped a bunch of solomates when I looted it this morning?"

"Dunno. It is kinda weird."

~far away~

Merp young watches the advertisment screen with a sad sigh. "I never got a single papplon." ;.;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 6 ----> STALEMATE AT NATES! GREASY GRIMY ATROX GUTS!

Noob is going through the TT at Nates. "Urg, I need to go mining. My mining range for ore is pretty good but my enmatter........." Grimaces at the lack of variety in the storage unit next to him.

Mindtropian grins and offers a tip. "have you been down to Sakura City yet?"

"No, why?"

"Its got a pretty good amount of matter and ore around it. And the TP isn't that hard to get from here. Just go Southeast to Rei's defense and then north along the lake shore. Its easy."

"COOL! Great I think I'll make a tp run then!" Noob darts off towards the south across the valley.

Mindtropian counts coolly, filing her fingers. "Five........ four........ three........ two......"

Noob appears at revive. "DARN! Gotta run gotta run gotta run run run......."

"Three....... two........ one........"

Noob appears at revive again.

~an hour later~

Mindtropian calmly covers a stunned and bitten Noob in bandages. "I tried to warn you, the valley is crawling with Atrox."

Noob. @.@ "great green gobs of greasy grimy atrox guts, mutilated combi meat, dirty little fouly feet, chopped up occulus swimming in a pool of blood. Uh oh I forgot my spork but I got my straaawwwwwwwww!"

 

[J. Mandrake]

I want moar! Good work on these

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

You like? (inspirations for mob behavior)

Yeah, and if you want to know where I got the idea for how the merps behave, aaaah..........

I found this on google video...... the omake skit Tachikomatic Days THIS is where I got the idea for Merp Young and his cohorts!

(snicker) I mean, they're hairtrigger aggro, they're cute..... I thought making them spastic and naive would be a good fit.

Berycled and Cornandacuda are both very unusual, very flashy looking. So I came up with something vain and concieted. Prideful, shameless. you know the type!

Longu are kinda sluggish, and awkward. Kinda like a stooped over old man. And I kept thinking of my neighbor's "keep off the grass" sign on a carefully manecured lawn and garden. What happens if you toss a probe or a bomb on a neighbor's yard? They get pissed off!

I came up with "Greasy Grimy Atrox Guts" at 3 in the morning. I was chanting it while mining on the society channel, and then my mentor came one and asked 'wtf did I log in on?'

 

[Fsteckler]

This is a fun read! I look forward to more!

 

[somon90]

Nice stories you've got there

I really need to learn how to talk merp...
( to fool the bastards that I'm friendly, just before I reduce them to smitherines )

 

[andy5579]

Omw these are ridiculous! Ahaha! Theyre so trippy! More please! Heres a +rep and a bump for you!
Try some different writing styles and mix it up-but these are fantastic anyway, good luck and hope there are more to follow!
Frankenberry-NBK Legion

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

(bows) thanks!

I got a couple more ideas, but CalSet Soc Forums gets the copy first. Boa Sensei will be please!

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

Too secksy for my.... ow FOULY THAT HURTS!!!!!

And dude, who guessed that Fouls were gangsta?



Wee hours of the morning, Limnadian District......

Uber "You got a new rifle nOOb?"

"Yep, and its big." nOOb hefts a new carbine. "Wanna see what I can kill with it?"

Uber: Okay, see those ridges around limbnadian district over there? They're filled with Allophyl and Foul. Lets see how many of them you can bring down in a train before you die.

Noob: you want me to do it?

Uber: I want you to do it, and I will take a screen shot for the sake of posterity.

Noob: WICKED! Here I go!

Noob runs along the ridge and starts dancing and singing. "I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt......"

Foul Young: Now that is just ugly.

Allophyl young: Dude, he's tagging my ridge!

Foul Young: Its your ridge?

Allophyl Young: oh yeah, that is totally my ridge.

Foul Young: Want me to take him off your ridge?

Allophyl Young: Oh dude, take him off my ridge. Cause like, dude that just isn't right.

Foul Young: I feel that yo, let me call my gang, the Foul Young Kings. Yo yo yo homies!

Allophyl young gather to watch the gang of Fouls have their fun, and begin to chant. "DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!"

Noob keeps dancing to. "I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt...... OW FOULY THAT HURTS!"

Foul Young has bitten Noob on the shoulder. "Dude, this guy SO tastes like scrap metal and garbage. That just isn't right." Sniff sniff. "Jeezey....... he's got nutrio bars. Gimme dude!"

Noob squeals and runs, barely keeping his cool. "On the cat walk, on the catwalk, I shoot all the mobs on the catwalk." Lets off a laser round into the air. "On the cat walk, on the catwalk yeah I shake my Davidov on the catwalk!"

Allophyl young: Dude that is so wrong. HEY HEY! Dude are you having FUN torturing him!" Hurries after the Foul Young Kings. "Just finish him off already!"

The train makes for the tp. The gathered hunters ready their guns, Uber cheering and breaking out a Cold-ir. "GET EM BOYS!"

5 minutes later......

Foul Young Kings: @@...................

Allophyl Young watches from a distance. "Oh dude, that's knarly dude, but that's NASTY."

Uber bandages up Noob. "Nice one rookie! That was just awesome. Take some of the bones from those things. You can get a good price on auction."

Noob: @@ doesn't seem coherant just yet, still curleycue eyed.

 

[sakuraqueen]

its cute story....

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

I was watching too much of History's gangland, had too much sugar, and had hit my head against the same wall of allophyl and foul about 5 times.

So Allophyl came out sounding like a surfer boy, Foul ended up being a gangsta, and nOOb and cohorts were acting like complete and total drunks tipping cows on a saturday night with just a little bit of crack cocaine mixed in there.

 

[dj.]

subscribing.. this appeals totally to my sillyness lol, will read more tomorrow

 

[Fsteckler]

Such a fun read!

Thank you and ...more more more

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

Give me my preeeeeciousssess!

Merp young squeaks. "Look! look! somebody tossed out a hat!"

Merp young2 perks. "A hat, what are these hat things?"

Merp young. "Humans use them to cover up a bad hair day!"

"Really?"

"Well........ i think they do magic......"

Foul young steals the hat. "Yo yo yo homie how do I look?"

Merp young leaps and steals the hat. "Give me my precious!"

Foul young. "Merpcake! That's MY precious!"

Merp runs and giggles.

nOOb and miner are hanging around at Jason. "So these Umbranoid or whatever have good mining resources on their lands?"

Miner: oh yeah, they're hard to beat though.

"So are we going to........"

Merp young walks down the pass and plants himself in front of nOOb and miner.

"Does it have a hat?"

"Yes, it has a hat."

"How did it get a hat?"

"I have no idea."

Merp young stomps his foot. "Vile human! You shall not PASS!"

Foul young whines at Merp from the hilltop. "Give me back my precious merpy baginses!"


~

This has a picture to go with it posted under fanart.

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

nOOb Tipping?

Merp Young looks at Foul Young. "I'm gonna do it."

Foul Young grins evilly. "No you're not."

"I'm gonna do it."

"Nuhuh."

"No seriously. I am so gonna do it. Look. See? Here it comes! I'm going to tip it over!"

Merp Young bolts downhill towards an exaurosaur old. The Exaurosaur shrieks and bellows. "Farking stoopid whippersnapper...... huh?"

Merp Young leaps over the exaurosaur and collides with nOOb. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!! I told you I was gonna do it!"

Foul Young watches as nOOb is sent back to revive. "Awesome dude, that one was knarly."

"I know! I know! Noob Tipping is SO much fun!"

 

[Jemima]

lol

to short

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

you know, if somebody's willing to turn these into a series of comics. I would be TOTALLY into that. Go ahead, draw away! I had comics in mind when I wrote these. But I can't draw for shit.

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

Mystery of the Rocket Launching Umbra!

Our brave and ingenious Merp young creeps through the bushes in the Oil Rig pvp and sees the most bizzare sight!

Noob is seated with Uber, who is wearing an Umbranoid suit. The two are drinking, Uber is very drunk, Noob not so. "I tell you. It was the most awesome hunt! I even got the stuff to make this thing. Put them through a refiner and you get an umbranoid suit."

"oh wow, that is awesome. How much did the paste pot go for?"

"Um........ the tt was about....... you know. I'm too drunk to remember."

"So now that you have an umbra suit, can I have your Ninja jacket?"

Merp squeals and darts over to a rock. "Its an uber skeery Umbranoid! I'd better hide! Hey...... why isn't that orange thing hiding? Its gonna roast him on a spit over the fire and grind his bones to make its bread!"

"dude, no fuckin way are you getting my jacket."

"Oh come on! I want one but my luck is horrible."

"i'm not as think as you drunk I am! there is no way I'm getting rid of it!"

"Oh please oh please?"

"NO!"

"Oh please oh please?"

"NO!" uber picks up a rocket launcher and shoots Noob.

Noob @.@ and is sent to revive.

Merp young runs away screaming. "MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYY! Mommy there's a big mean umbranoid and it shot an orange human thing with a rocket launcher and eated it and I was so scared hide meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"

Uber hufs and takes a long sip of beer. "Yippie cay yay mother fucker."

Merp Stalker growls, rasing her frill as she prepares to charge in defense of her baby.

Uber is almost finished with his beer, only to be attacked by the Merp Stalker. "What the fuck????? Who the hell are........ AAAAAAAAACCCFFFFKKKRRRK!"

Merp stalker runs over Uber and starts stomping and ramming.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" @.@ Uber is sent back to the revive.

Noob laughs at him. "You are as think as you drunk I are. What happened big boy, did you get your head bitten off."

Uber faints. "Roadkill! I'm Merp roadkill!"

 

[Athal]

Hehehe nicely done!!Keep up the good work!!

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

The Case of the Wandering Fresqueda Piece or Three Mobs that go Chew!

Noob is mining out near Palm Springs, and drops a bomb. BAM! There's a claim and........ something hits him in the eye. "OW! Hey...... what's this thing?"

Its an uber rare Fresquoeda DNA piece, a bit smudged with dirt. "Oh wow! I'm rich! I'll hop onto the forum and........"

Merp young trudges wearily through the desert. "Those horrible Ambu trampled me to smithereens! I need water! Water! Huh what's this?"

The Fresquoeda piece glistens in the sun in Noob's hands.

"SHINY!" Merp young exclaims and tackles Noob.

Noob: @.@ is sent back to the Revive and drops his Fresquoeda piece. "Noooooooooo! By by peds!"

Merp young squeals, running headlong through Palms with his prize until he hits his head on the TP. "Oooowww..... oops!" Merp young is sent to Segna forest, and wobbles dizzily to a stop under the hanger to hide. "My poor head."

Terp young peers out from a rock. "Chew."

"Oh, hi there Terp. Like my pretty trophy? Its a really shiny stone see?" Merp sets down his prize.

Turp peers at the fossil. "Chew."

"Huh? Chew? What's that mean? Its a rock you don't chew it!" Then. "HEY!"

Turp young lets out a happy "chew!" and runs off with the fresqueda piece in its mouth.

Merp young wails. "There goes my shiny! I forgot, all Turps ever say is 'chew.' And all they ever /do/ is chew! On ANYTHING they can get their gums on!"

Turp young stops in some bushes and begins to chew on the Fresquoeda piece. "Chew! Chew?" Something the size of a continent looms over Turp young and the itty bitty mob lets out a terrified. "Chew! Chew! Chew! CHEEEWWWW!" running around in circles dramatically before he's stomped by a sleepy chomper.

Chomper young yawns, "Chew." He rumbles before he steps on the Fresqouoeda piece and hops up and down in pain. His paw is cut! "CHEW CHEW! CHEW CHEW!" The chomper tries to chew on the Fresqoueda piece. Ha! That's what it gets for cutting its foot!!

But the piece gets stuck in its teeth. "CHEW! CHEW CHEW!" The chomper panics and runs into a sleepy Feffoid. "Cheeeeeeeeeewwwww....." It whines in pain.

The feffoid scratches its butt and cocks its head. "Wha the heck is it?"

Chomper opens its mouth and whines. "CHeeewwww....." It whimpers in pain comically, tears running down its big wooly cheeks.

"Yeh got sompin stuck in yer maw?"

The chomper nods and thrashes, "Chew chew, chew chew!" It opens its mouth.

"Don get yer woolens in a knot. Open your mouth an lemme look." The feffoid peers into Chomper's mouth. "Oh yeah, real wedged in. Yer gumser bleedin. Poor thing." It reaches in and grabs the Fresqueda piece. "On three. One........ two........ THREE!" As it pulls the poor Chomper wails and accidentallly bites the Feffoid. "OW OW OW! Lemme go you halfwit! I'm tryin ter help yeh!" Chomper spits out Feffoid and the piece. The Fresqueda piece lands on the nose of a molisk, who scratches its nose, notices the gem and flings it boredly out of his way.

Seven mobs and as many days later the Fresquoeda piece lands on the ground in hogglo tundra.

Hogglo peers down at the Fresquoeda piece. "CHew? Cheeeewwww....." It keens long and low, then gulps down the Fresquoeda piece and licks its lips. "CHEW! CHew chew!" Hogglo hums happily.

Noob follows Uber and cohorts to the landmarker and the hogglo tundra. "It was horrible Uber! It took my Fresquoeda piece." He sniffles. "I wanted a big ole duster coat like yours. And a bright red Ninja jacket and I wanted a whip and fedora too so I could play Indiana Jones. And the merp just took it like I wasn't even there!"

Uber. "There there Noob. We'll hunt us a hogglo, get a couple hoffs and you won't feel so upset." Pats. "Besides, you get to try out those plates I gave you for your shogun."

Noob nods. "Okay."

"Alright boys! Pick a target and........." PUlls out a sniper rifle and sights down the barrel, searching for a mob before. BAM!

Hogglo keens in pain as Uber shoots it in the ass. "CHEEEEEWWWW!" It runs around hysterically for a few seconds before charging. "CHEW CHEW! CHEW CHEW!"

"Alright men! Hold your ground and the instant its in range open fire! Don't let it get to the turret or we'll lose the loot!"

Noob raises a shiny new Korss and opens fire on the hogglo.

Hogglo is killed.

HOF! 536 ped! Number sixty five on the daily chart!

Fresquoeda piece goes flying and hits Noob in the eye. "OW!"

Uber blinks. "Hey! You got your Fresquoeda piece back! Look guys!"

"Wow!"

"Nice one Noob!"

"Your first uber loot! Come on everyone, lets get Noob a new battleax 2x0 to celebrate!" Uber yells. "Keep the Fresquoeda piece, it will make up for losing your other one to a lousy little merp!"

The hunters raise Noob on their shoulders and carry him back to Segna forest, cheering. And far away in Palm springs, a merp's ears burn and the mob sneezes. "Somebody's gossiping about me, I wonder if its a pretty girl." <33333 "The skies at palms are so pretty. I think I'm going to nap a bit in the sun." And the mob goes to sleep purring and dreaming of shiny objects and clepto turps.

 

[Athal]

Please post more!!!

The DNA story was hilarious

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

Oh no! They got George!

Noob stretches his arms and legs, twirling in his shiney new gremlin armor with 5b plates. "how do I look uber?"

Uber looks over noob. "very sharp. now come here, use your info scanner to see if you can use one of these."

Noob looks them over. "OH wow, I must be getting much stronger if I can use these."

"Well, you're near graduation. I'll swap you that recent hof of iron for any one of these. They'll be usefull getting you those last few steps."

"Thanks!" Beams noob. "I love this one." Holds up a high level laser carbine. "Here." They make the deal and noob takes his gear out to Ithica."

The atrox youngs are hanging around bored, "We should scare that exaurosaur over there. Like, totally we should."

"I dunno, he looks too thin to be yummy. What about a human?"

"Dude, didn't your mother tell you? The humans around here are MEAN. they go after swirlies so much, youngs like us don't stand a chance! Only that guy really could do it." One of the youngs indicates a grizzled dominant taking a nap under a tree.

Noob slips into Ithica and begins shooting at one of the troxes.

Atrox young squeals. "Oh no! oh no! He's shooting at George!"

George the Atrox young runs after Noob, but can't knaw through his gremlin armor. Noob finishes off "George" in short order. "Cool! I did it!"

The Atrox youngs start to cry. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They killed George!" The atrox youngs wail and run after Noob. "We need to avenge George! Poor Georgie don't worry we'll get them back for you!" The youngs sob as they charge noob. Noob manages to kill one, which gives a small global, but then six of them overwhelm his fap and he falls over.

Uber claps at Noob, waiting at the revive with a heal chip. "Good work Noob, just relax and I'll heal you right up! first atrox! its a milestone!"

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

The Mind of a Chirpy Mutated

Merp young is walking through the trees near east scylla. When he passes a chirpy mutated. "Huh? Birdy!" leans over and sniffs the chirpy. "Birdy!"

Chirpy mutated mumbles, "Kill them all, kill them all, peck their eyes out and scratch off their balls, kill them all kill them all, drill through their armor and pull out their chitlens kill them all kill them all. Bloody eagle for the Hirryuu to eat." (1)

Merp young cocks his head cutely. "how could this thing kill anybody? Its a birdy!"

Noob rounds the corner and spots merp young and chirpy mutated. "oh cool, chirpy mutated! I've heard about these things. I'm gonna shoot it and see what it does!"

Over the soc channel uber warns noob. I wouldn't if I were you, that thing will peck your eyes out.

Merp young watches as noob levels his rifle at Chirpy mutated. "Oh boy, I'm getting out of the way! I found an angel helmet the other night if he kills me with that I'm hofmeat!" Merp young darts into the bushes and watches.

Chirpy mutated takes the first shot. CHIRP! The mutant chirpy charges after noob. "Peck their eyes out, scratch off their balls, bloody eagle in the noonday sun for the hirryuu to eat, chitlens to bless the nightly table. Bloooood, bloooooooood, brains and blooooooooooooooooooood!"

Critical hit, armor penetration 150 damage.

Noob dies, and even as the teleporter activates chirpy mutated pecks at noob's corpse, mutilating the remains until the teleporter finally snaps him up and brings him back to life at the revive.

Merp young stares. "Oh wow, I'm getting out of here!!!!" Merp young flees.



1. The bloody eagle was a favored method of torture and execution in Norse cultures, in which the condemned was restrained on a stone and cut open, their lungs were pulled out of their chest while they were still alive they were put on either side of their chest, resembling an eagle's wings. hence, "bloody eagle"

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

Called Out on a Limb

Female noob twirls in her armor. "oh this vampire armor is so pretty! I don't care if it sucks I'll take it!"

Meanwhile

Two gay Atrox are hanging out at Ithica. "So like, what do you want to do next. Should we paint our scales or go see if that mall in PA will sell us some wigs so we can do our hair?"

"I'm getting kinda hungry. I want to get something to eat."

"So how about a human. There's one over there." Points to soc leader.

"Oh not him, that ghost armor goes straight to my thighs. What about her?"

Female noob is running towards the main tp for Ithica. "WOO! I'm almost there! That makes the last Eudoria tp!"

"What about her? That vampire armor looks tastey." Gay Atrox one suggests.

"oh yeah, they all know that armor sucks. I wonder why she's wearing it, its such a fashion faux pas!"

"but its edible! come on, lets call her out." Gay atrox suggests, running after female noob. "Hey missy, that flimsy armor of yours is so last season. Its called gremlin you should try it sometime."

"You're da boss." The other atrox swoons. "Couple True Love Atrox Jumping Attack!" Leaps on female noob. "Omnomnomnom. Oooh, yummy."

Female noob is sent to the revive.

"Yeah but I still say that armor goes straight to my thighs."

 

[Gwen Ryuunami]

Snabblesnot male waddles over to Merp young. "Merp! Heeeeellllp!"

Merp "what is it snabblesnot?"

"our papplon has stuck in a tree! Not even grandpapa exarosaur can save it! You're so fast and strong, can you help us get it out?"

Merp nods. "Mkay. lead the way!"

Snabblesnot male leads merp to a tree, stuck in the middle are a bunch of snabblesnots, exarosaurs and sabakuma. And at the top, papplon has spawned inside the tree, with butterflies issuing forth from inside the trunk. "Wow.... that must be some papplon!"

"Its so high up, nobody can reach it, and then they all get stuck in a tree." Snabblesnot male bursts into tears.

The trunk is a jumble of arms and legs, necks and tails, "ow! my eye!" "you're stomping on my nuts!" "Get your butt out of my face!" "Get your face out of my butt!" "Your tail is stuck in my mouth, and your teeth hurt!" "I can't help it, my teeth are like a hadrosaur's, they're meant to masticate plant matter, like that tasty fruit way up there!"

And on the ground, a turp is standing on a nice big rock, hopping up and down cutely to try and catch the butterflies. "Chew! Chew! Chew! Chew! Chew!"

"Looks like turp over there has the right idea. Okay snabble, stand back. I'm gonna take a running start!" Merp tells Snabblesnot male.

He backs up a few dozen paces, then VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM runs, fast fast fast, up the rock and JUUUUUUUUUUUMMMPPPPP!

He lands in the tree with a splat, and can't move. "OW OW OWOW OWOWOWOWOWOWOOW!"

Snabblesnot male whines. "Merp!? Are you okay?"

Merp's legs windmill midair with his hindquarters sticking out of the tree. "Snabblesnooooot? I'm stuuuuuck!"

Just as merp becomes stuck, the fruit disappears, along with the butterflies. With the butterflies gone, turp starts to cry. "Chew chew, chew chew, chew chew!!!"

Hours later turp is gone, so is snabblesnot male, and Merp is still stuck in a tree, along with all the mobs. Noob happens by with his mentor. "Woah! Mentor, what the heck happened here?"

Mentor: Uh, well noob, this is what we call a hof tree. A tree full of mobs that could have been hofs, and then Mindark fed them to the tree so we get fewer ped.