An Arkadian Fairy Tale

[Ranavolana]

Chapter 8 (follo9wing Gotterdammerung)
Crime and Punishment -Trial
The Oratans had been defeated (for now, sort of) and we were triumphant. Arkadia was at peace (more or less). We the humans had won by force of arms and superior technology. But only just.

In short our military actions could only be described as shambolic and incompetent, throwing away so many advantages that turned a straightforward military exercise into a drawn out struggle which we barely won.

So, responsibility and blame had to be identified & apportioned, arses had to be covered (those who could) and punishment meted out on whoever were identified as guilty.

For my part in all this I was dragged (literally) before the IFN Supreme Planetary Soviet so my actions and decisions could be examined and picked apart at leisure.

“Well comrade Brooks, or should we say Class Enemy Brooks, you and the troops under your command had the opportunity to die glorious deaths, holding out in a heroic but hopeless action against hugely superior forces. Your deaths would have served as an undying example of the braveness and tenacity of IFN forces and would have brought us much glory as an example to all.”

But what did you do, you all ran away”

“C’mon Man “I cried, “I was merely jogging wasn’t my fault”.

“Enough” the Chairman screamed. “General Mega’s orders were clear; they were explicit;

Yours was just to DO, or DIE!”And you did not DO did you!”

“Well I died” I said sulkily “you had to go and restore me”

“That is an oversight that can be easily rectified” spat the Chairman.

“Your guilt is so blindingly obvious we really don’t feel the need to consider it, and really all that is needed is to determine the nature of the sentence we will impose upon you”

“So have you anything to say in your defence and mitigation? Anything at all?”

I had given much thought to my defence – so I laid out my carefully reasoned and logical arguments.

“The stupid contradictory orders I receiv..”

“Well then, arms and armour insufficient to requiem...”

“How about lazy incompetent untrained troops tha..”

My logical defences were howled down as typical bourgeosise excuses, and as I looked at the faces of the Committee surrounding me, faces swollen & empurpled with rage, with veins throbbing in necks and temples, crazily rolling eyes, mouths all foamy and spewing spit and invective. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe I may not be getting a fair trial.

Well if logic & reason did not work – then what about wokeness and intersectonality. Feelings always trump facts and reason..right? So

“Downtrodden enslaved minori...”

“Disability typ...”

“Well then what about all that LGBTQ typ....”

“Enough, Enough” screamed the Chairman – “you may have the dress and makeup sense of a Drag Queen, but YOU Are NOT Fooling US”

My situation was indeed dire, some committee members were fashioning a noose out of a blind cord while others were looking for a tree with suitable branches.

I had one faint final argument so I took it. I fell to my knees, raised my fists to the air and wailed

“IT WAS THE PATREIAARCHY”

...............................................

Success!!!??

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 9: The Sentencing

“Quickly, get the young Lady a chair, a glass of water, some smelling salts in case she goes into a swoon or something” cried the kindly old Chairman.

“There there m’dear has the hysterical fit passed, is there anything you need”? He enquired.

“Maybe you could stop sniffing my hair” I said.

“Well would you like to run your fingers through the curly white hairs on my legs then, go on you KNOW you want to”.

“ Weeel, now that you mentio..” I started to say, but was interrupted.

“Firstly we need to unpack this Patriarchy thing” the Committee all said.

“Yes, we are the Patriarchy, You see it is a burden that we have been reluctantly been forced to take up.

There is no nice way to say it other than its a scientific fact that wimmens are just the weaker sex.

Don’t get things wrong, there are three things that women perform extremely well (four if you separate cooking & cleaning).

But as Grandpa Finnigus always said “they be prisoners of their juices”.

And so from time to time when they gets their fits & stuff, they needed a guiding hand (sometimes upside the head). For a long time this has worked very well for us.

But would you believe that Cultural Marxists, Libtards and other types of Democrats went around saying that women are not weaker & actually may well be stronger. Oh the trouble that has caused by such nonsense being placed in the minds of susceptible women & confusing their poor little brains.

The types that go saying this, well THEY are the ones who should be caught and punished (not the women because there is usually such a backlog of cooking & cleaning that every womans hands on deck are needed.

In your case however you made General Mega look a total fool (OK we grant you that is very easy to do). But standards need to be maintained.

Now the usual punishment for crimes such as yours is to be given a shovel, taken out at dawn, made to dig your grave and then be shot. But we are going to go easy on you.

So, instead of that we sentence you to five lifetimes of hard labour on board the Korona!!”

“Oh God No” I cried. "That pest hole of sanctimony and BS, that space going safe space for snowflakes and SJWs.

Just give me a bloody shovel”.

“We are tired of your histrionics “ cried the Chairman. “Just take your punishment like a ma..”

Well OK then, being the softies we are, all sentences to be served concurrently, we cannot be fairer than that.

Take her away”

So, screaming and kicking, I was dragged away to meet my fate.

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 10 ; PURGATORY

An indeterminate length of time has passed.

Awoken from my fitful disturbed slumber I lay shivering on my meagre lumpy pallet. Outside in the corridor I could hear bustling & bumping about – most unskilled work on the Korona was sub contracted to the Natural Born Cukkers Society as they tended to possess the attributes of low IQ & a lack of imagination that enabled them to stand working on this shithole for any length of time.

“Yoo Hoo, prisoner 666 ½ wakey wakeey”. That was Imoyahoo a member of that benighted society and a perfect exemplar of all the “qualities” the Cukkers possessed. He no doubt was going to send me out again to break rocks in the snow & rain as punishment for wrongthink.

“The IFN wants to meet youuuu” he simpered.

This is not looking good – another half witted practical joke coming up again. Honestly I prefer the beatings.

Bursting into my cell and waddling over he kicked me off my pallet. “Up you get you nasty creature. Our venerable captain is determined to teach the likes of you some idea of the notion of personal hygiene, so as a special favour you are allowed to have a bath in her personal private salon.

And, while you are at it” tossing a needle and thread to me “ here sew up the holes and tears in your clothes – for God’s sake show some personal pride in your attire.”

This is looking less and less of a practical joke – imo does not possess the mental facility to carry this off. Maybe there is an actual meeting planned and maybe if I can do some industrial strength grovelling, then maybe I can get my sentence reduced & get out of this hell hole.

Later in the Captains Salon, after taking an actual hot bath I was starting to feel human again.

As for repairing what remained of my uniform – that’s what servants do, so I looked around for anything I could boost.

God this place is like the dressing room in a Circus, but over there are some good quality clothes – FFS Mini Skirts!! What is this fascination that land whales have with mini skirts? Do they think they will look slimmer wearing them (snicker).

Lucky for me I have that needle & thread, I can take one in several sizes to suit me.

Now anything else I can “borrow” here?

O.......M.......G..... Look at these, the venerable captain’s supply of French Perfumes!! They are just screaming class at me.

I am highly educated but my advanced degree in Gender Studies sadly did not give me the ability to understand French (or anything else useful for that matter).

But this one here “Essence de bordel Parisienne” Now I do know that Paris is the center of beauty civilization & light. This should be good (takes a sniff, but, naa its too subtle, its the IFN High Command I want to impress here.

What about this one “Tarte Freancais dans une vague de chaleur” Isn’t French such a sexy language.

I reckon if someone whispered that in my ear in a French accent it would just about get me in a frenzy.

This one will do, I will certainly make an impression wearing this.

So, after slopping a generous quantity of this sexy perfume over me, I set off to the room where the IFN waited.

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 11: REDEMPTION

With great trepidation I approached the door to the room where the IFN High Command waited.

I really needed to get off the Korona or else my sanity would suffer. So after putting myself in the mental state to be able to grovel convincingly and ensuring my tear ducts were fully primed, I took a deep breath, opened the door and entered.

To my great surprise I was greeted with thunderous applause, balloons, streamers & showers of confetti.

“Congratulations Louise, or more accurately Brigadier General Louise, your promotion has just been confirmed and also your many transgressions expunged from your record”.

“Transgressions? What transgressions?” I stuttered.

“Exactly” said the Chairman. “No records left” winking at me as he said so.

“We are having a great deal of trouble with high level Oratans infiltrating strategic areas carrying out many attacks and massacres and burning down churches and orphanages.

We need someone to sort these evil creatures out and straight away we thought of you.

You should be fully rested after your “holiday” on the Korona, so here are your orders.

He handed me a thick sheaf of orders on the front of which the message “Kill all the Oratans” which appeared to have been written in blood.

“Now you may find that your Barbarella and Pixie armor may well be insufficient when fighting those Enforcers and Fiends, so”, tosses me some pecs

“Take these and as well you now have license to loot any Oratans you kill (subject to the unwritten rules of kickback) – everyone knows that Oratan’s have pockets just full of valuable loot, so you should soon get plenty of funds to purchase high level guns and armor. And who knows, after you have sorted the Oratans you may well have time to go after those PvP arseholes you profess to hate so much”.

“We note that your time aboard the Korona must have agreed with you for you seem to have lost your “muffin top”. But you haven’t time to go gasbagging on about fashion and lifestyle, those Oratans are not going to kill themselves are they?”

“So before you leave for Arkadia, do you have any questions?”

“Yes I do” I said. “My orders last eer time said ‘Destroy all Oratans’ these say ‘Kill all Oratans’ is there any difference”?

“No” was the chilling reply “This time get it right”

I saluted and left hurriedly.

I need a ‘Plan B’ I thought

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 12: MY QUEST RECOMMENCES

Back on Arkadia with my plan B sorted (ticket on a fast ship to Ancient Greece, if necessary), I took some time sightseeing to see if anything had changed while I was away.

Wow! We have a moon now (well we always did but now things are happening there – will be worth exploring the place after my Oratan Quest is finished. Lucky for me there were some Moon Investments still available so I quickly grabbed them – With them and the Ancient Greece shares I was lucky enough to acquire, I expect to be rolling in peds soon as a result of my economic foresight.

But where are all the Pirates? Well, it seems that after the changes to the nature of reality in space most of them have fled as economic immigrants to Calypso. Their pitiful cries “Please give us peds, we can no longer exist comfortably just on criminality” were enough to make my heart bleed for them. I am sure there will be plenty of other bleeding hearts there to shower them with peds and special equipment not available to ordinary people.

Walking along the beautiful boulevards of Celeste Harbor it struck me how crowded they were, the batshit crazy, demented, street people and juvenile delinquents, there seemed even more of them than the last time I was here – and also this Carnival atmosphere, what was going on?

But wait! After the War, Celeste should have looked like Stalingrad in 1946 or even Portland in 2020. And all those worthy people, they had formed the mainstay of my troops. And nasty people have said that my confusing and conflicting orders had wreaked a virtual genocide on them.

For just a minute I was struck with self doubt. There were rumors that actually the Korona was a space going Psyche Ward for the criminally insane. But naa, my recollections were just too real – obviously Celeste had been rebuilt with Trumpian speed and efficiency and those people, well they just bred up again.

But I had not the time to worry about things like this, I had a mission. So clutching my pecs I headed for IFN Headquarters – that should be the place I could get my Oratan killing equipment.

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 13
A HORRIBLY UNEXPECTED PROBLEM
I walked into the IFN Headquarters full of happy anticipation, and going straight to the storage area I ran my Brigadier General access card through the reader – to my amazement “Access Denied” notification appeared. Surely this could not be the case, so I went to the office of the commandant to where Colonel Whatsisname (I couldn’t be bothered remembering his name – important thing is that he remembers mine) was having his after dinner nap.

“On your feet Grandpa, I need powerful weaponry – and I need it NIOAW”

“But Sir I...”

“Its MA’AM I screamed” while pistol whipping some respect into him.

“Yes Ma’am Brigadier General Si.. I mean Ma’am” stuttered the colonel but you see we haven’t got any – there are none in stock”

“Have you looked under the tables, behind the cupboards? Near those destroyed Mechwarrior type robots who are supposed to protect those valuable items?”

He just had no idea. I could pistol whip him some more – but all that would do was make me feel a bit better (so that’s what I did – was sort of enjoyable but sadly no weapons).

“I will be back next week colonel get them guns or get some more of that” I threatened.

Not that I would, sadly I would have to acquire guns and ammo some other way – maybe even pay for them. How depressing.

As I dispiritedly made my way outside I happened to notice a couple of clowns leaving the storage area.

They were High Fiveing each other as they unwrapped the coverings on the very types of guns I was wanting.

How come they have access whilst I don’t I wondered. And how come....

The answer hit me like an express train. Like one of those trick pictures when you think you are looking at a beautiful girl, when you suddenly realise that its a portrait of an ugly old woman.

THEY WEREN’T CLOWNS

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 14
PERMIT NOT SUCH ABOMINATIONS TO THRIVE

It was horrible, the more I looked the more I saw and the more of them I saw the more I realised they only LOOKED like clowns (it was their new clothing designs) they were SMUGULARS!!

At the very first glance they appeared interesting and funny.

Like the Smugular Pride Parade to be held next week, with many floats and much glitter (now that should be interesting and fun).

And it was always side splittingly hilarious to see how many smugulars could emerge from one of their vehicles (however do they do that?).

And try without laughing to read their discussions about the relative advantages and drawbacks in their Melee weapons compared like Custard Pies and Soda Spritzers.

Ordinary Arkadians were so busy laughing at the Smugulars funny antics that they did not realise these very Smugulars were infiltrating all Arkadian institutions, Finance Education and worst of all Arkadian mainstream media.

Arkadian taxes were steadily increasing to try to counter the growing Oratan threat – but such funds raised were siphoned off for the Smugulars benefit. I found this out myself in that I was unable to obtain the very weapons I required to fight Oratans.

I went to post on Mainstream Media of my concerns and call of Arkadians to rise up against this manifest unjustness. To my horror my posts were blocked – the Media was controlled by the Smugulars who were using the Media to promote a false narrative. The post appearing below by one of their most egregious media celebrities Alotta Gothik (what a military girlyman) is a perfect example.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tee hee!! IFN needs a serious boost, I gave up on that mission chain for the most part because I am a lazy loser, and the dropship is just a fancier helicopter that I can buy for 30'ish peds from cash strapped IFN members instead of having the fortitude to do a year+ worth of dailies.

So aside from more content for IFN, they also need reworking on existing content because aside from the dropship they got nothin, giggle giggle!! and the dropship is token at best considering there are other transport vehicles ingame that provide the same function.

I smell disaster for the IFN if their new content is based on "pvp" rather then bonuses for completing more stages of the dailies.
smugglers on average are going to beat out IFN in spades simper simper!!.

As a note... pvp gear is specific, and most players that have it are very high investment players... ie; more likely to be smugglers... because we can steal the peds from ordinary hardworking Arkadians... idk, interested to see what idea's you guys have on it, but I smell disaster for the IFN if their new content is based on "pvp".

Those IFN members without a moral compass can switch sides will go for the "winning" side, which if this type of pvp is anything like normal land grab pvp on caly, is almost solely based on player investment/theft which smugglers on average are going to beat out IFN in spades.giggle giggle giggle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now there was a real bozo, knows the price of everything, the value of nothing – the aim and purpose of the IFN Missions is to test and develop the discipline and fortitude needed to be able to fight Oratans, the Dropship is just a give away.

At first I wanted to laugh at Alotta Gothiks retarded take on things, but on contemplation I realised he was exactly right. Smugulars with access to pilfered wealth could buy everything, skills, arms and armour, unlimited ammo. And if it came to an all out Civil War as things stand, they would prevail – The IFN would be defeated.

Then what would happen if The Oratans decided to attack in force again? Oratans just do not stop, they have unlimited ammo. The conflict would come down to sheer force of will and selfless bravery, qualities everybody knows Smugulars do NOT possess.

Naturally the Smugulars would flee to the Moon and Arkadia would be destroyed.

For the first time ever I felt an impending doom – Was there anything that could be done to stop this horrible fate?

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 15
A NEW HOPE ARISES MAYBE – MY FIRST GUIDE MANIFESTS

I have gained my promotion to Major General and my relentless attacks on Oratan Miners have resulted in many of them fleeing to the Underground in terror. I should be feeling exhilaration, but instead everything seems like ashes to me.

Smugulars, Natural Born Cukkers and other parasites, through their selfish retarded actions are sucking the vitality out of Arkadian society for their own short term gain.

Their actions being so dumb and yet so blatant you would think people would be having an inkling to the terrible state of things by now, but sadly Smugular influence and control on the mainstream media & organs of Government have confused the issue. Ordinary Arkadians just have no idea


It could even be that these clowns are sincere in their belief, it is just that their low IQ approach is focussed on gaining & holding on to power and influence but does not extend to actions that benefit the whole of Arkadian society. There is no real commonwealth just a limited view of what is good for them and their mates.

Sitting in my comfortless temporary camp while I attempt to scrape enough peds together to maintain my equipment and purchase enough ammunition to get through another day. I wondered yet again what I could do to save Arkadia from its inevitable destruction.

I have two spirit guides you know, and from time to time they come to me to offer advice and encouragement. They tend to appear after I have been tokeing a few cones – like now.

And what are the odds. Here is one appearing, my spirit guru Winnie always full of advice for me.

“Louise” he intoned “I see that the apes of despair and pigs of destruction are consuming your chi. Remember always that a journey of a million miles starts with just one step – as you should know the Saintly Tripitaka would say

So, follow the pandas of salvation and always remember that when the Moon is in the Seventh House, and Monria aligns with Mars, then....” (and on & on & bloody on yawn )

“Louise FFS have you been tokeing again would you like me to dumb my message down a lot & culturally interpret it for you?”

“eer yes please O wise one” I said (I think – things were getting a bit vague for me at this stage)

“Sheesh (I mean Omm ) – OK using myself as an example, when the Multicultural Revolution was in full swing, Did I make a fuss? (no I didn’t) I kept my head down & willingly went to any shithole I was sent, expressing gladness & working tirelessly towards promotion, that is, for MY benefit not the parties.

But what did you do? Did you say stuff like Oh Joy, I am honoured & esteemed beyond all measure – No, you just carried on & on & really pissed everybody off.

Unlike me who with true humility just beavered away & got my promotions (and thus power, and remember you are a Major General now, nearly at the blessed status of uberdom – at least 15% of the way).

Then with my power I looked around for examples of dishonesty & corruption, by really unpleasant losers (with all those Smugulars & Cukkers you are spoilt for choice you know).

So I swiftly acted, eliminating these examples, and the populace were so pleased I used that success as a right to continue, removing the corrupt as well as anybody who happened to piss me off (especially those who thought it funny to say I looked like a stupid bear).

And in the end there was nobody else on the podium but myself, reviewing all my troops with an inscruitable smirk on my face.”

Wow! I thought, that could work – those old farts at IFN headquarters could do with liquidation & replacement.

I had heard somewhere that in historical RL Sweden their entire government was women – I wonder how that worked out? If I had not been so busy taking part in burning down schools & libraries and pulling down statues, all in the name of Historical Reinterpretation & Revisionism, maybe I would have known – but no doubt it was a resounding success I am sure. So maybe I would apply that affirmative action to the IFN.

“But hang on Winnie” I cried – “all this will take money, where is that going to come from?”

Too late he had departed – geez he knows all about greed nothing about the wonders of capitalism.

Without peds it was all a pipe dream, even Smugulars know that. What am I to do

 

[Light-Paladin]

Why?

 

[Ranavolana]

Because it is a story I am writing in my Blog. If you so feel the need to add to my story, well I can get you to star in it (probably not this one as only one final chapter) but I can easily write another one

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 16
MY SECOND GUIDE SHOWS A WAY FORWARD

Even before I could begin to feel discouraged again I was startled to hear the seductive latinx tones of my other Guide KOA

“Don’t worry Louise I know the trick and to YOU I am gonna show it

If you want your Boomerang to come back

Well first you gotta

THROW IT !”

“What’s that blank look I went to all the effort of culturally interpreting my message for you.

Do you want me to dumb it down a bit and state it plainly?” (fkng Australians)!

“Eer yes please O wise representative of the Old New World “ I said.

“Right, I am going to make you privy to the secret lore of Barmaids & Baristas to show you a way forward. So listen up, this knowledge is valuable”.

“Thanks to the wonders of Socialist Mathematics & Socialist Economics, if you want to have unlimited funds to support all sorts of stuff, all you have to do is just wish for it (I calls that my Green New Deal because green is the colour of Peds you see. And it also helps if you are wearing red shoes & click the heels together)”

“But AOC that does not make sens..” I started to protest.

“Just toke some more cones” was the reply

And do you know what, the more I toked the more sensible & reasonable everything looked.

I can do it, merely by becoming a uber & by slaying heaps and heaps of Oratans so getting promoted to a full General.

With the powers I would possess and the funds I would command, I could remove any impediments that may exist to Arkadias Glory.

My will would triumph and I would be able to recreate the Corporate State. It would be sure to last at least one thousand years. Everybody would be so happy (except of course the usual enemies of the State – and we just know what will happen to them).

I did not possess red shoes but I did have my red cap. So putting it on, raising my clenched fist in salute I proudly proclaimed.

I WILL MAKE ARKADIA GREAT AGAIN!!!



The End (not quite yet)

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 17
AN UNEXPECTED BUMP ON MY PATH TO RICHES & GLORY

My campaign against the Oratans was going well. The fight was difficult & costly but my progress was inexorable (how could it be anything else).

On my well deserved promotion to Lieutenant General I had only one more campaign to carry out – 60 missions against the Oratan Miner Elites – then on so proving myself, my final promotion & success \o/

Though the Oratans had fled, I was still able to track them down to near Limbo Fire Base in the Arkadian Underground. Confidently I set out to deliver the justice they so richly deserved.

But, to my horror and disbelief I found that my skills, armour and equipment were just not up to the task! Even when I dosed up with drugs each confrontation was long and drawn out – the usual result being my demise.

Reviving yet again at Limbo Fire Base to bind my wounds & starting to see failure staring me in the face, I looked up to see a young Smugular girl. Like a vision she appeared.

Though she had the common low class brassy look they tend to have, yet she was really good looking with it. I was curious to see what an actual Smugular was doing in a dangerous place – certainly a change for them.

So, I scanned her and was astounded at what I found.

 

[Ranavolana]

CHAPTER 18
I SAW A YOUNG MAIDEN ALL DRESSED IN WHITE LINEN

She was wearing the full Smugular outfit. Ordinarily that motley would be the perfect accoutrements to wear for low class clownish activities such as fart jokes and the like. Yet this was not the case with her?

She wore Smugular motley with style and elan. Her panache effectively transmogrified these foolish low class clown clothes into items of high class cutting edge fashion. Not even I with all my style could hope to emulate that effect.

Could it be her French heritage? France has always been the beacon for fashion & style.

Maybe it was her Kiwi outlook? What could at first glance be seen by the ignorant & uninformed as self effacing, due to inhabiting two insignificant specks in the South Pacific was actually a calmness & laid back confidence from inhabiting the eighth continent of old Earth – a fact that most people just don’t realize.

My scan of her skills and attributes was an even greater shock to me. That young chick was tough, really tough, how she could have been so much stronger than I, when it should be glaringly obvious that I was the one who deserved to be rewarded.

Sadly what was obvious was that she could use her innate Smugular privilege to get access to the IFN warehouses, it was like holding the keys to Aladdin's Cave, all the valuable stuff there assisting her in her easy path to Uberdom.

While I had to endlessly try to smash through unyielding Oratan ranks of steel, all Smugulars had to do was slaughter some Wombanas or suchlike – it just was not fair nor just. What demented fumbling Bidenish thinking gave such advantages to those who basically did not have Arkadia’s best interests at heart.

Gosh my wants & desires & needs were full on warring with my self respect. All I had to do was become a Smugular. I was sorely tempted.

What would I do?

 

[Oulaladidon]

I have a feeling I know that French/kiwi gal you are talking about...