Lykkes diary

so ... busy busy busy!

Have not even had time for EU or "other games" (yeah, right as if they exist even ... *shrugs*)... *whistles*

Peter was here this weekend, from Thursday untill Monday VERY early morning. With the new job and everything I was quite exhausted, which was a shame when I finaly "had him" more than 2 days. The weekend went too fast, if you ask me. Again, Monday evening when I came home to an nearly empty apartment (a tiny 4-year old tornado was splitting up stuff) I was one big ..were did time go? For the first time in a long time I settled down with the 11 days between us with a huge *sigh* - there is not much I can do about it anyway, though it sucks more than a vacuum cleaner on a horn.... nm !

SO life goes by .. we get older. But if I ever get the chance I'm gonna marrie the boy! And yesterday I decided that I will buy a house. I even got on the internet and found some gorgeous subjects which I would actually be able to pay by myself! Then problems appeared. What about the tiny tornado - NOT that I don't think she would absolutely love living in the country side with possibilities of having bunnies, birds (parrot ), a little lake, nature around her - lots of space to discover and grass to play in... but because of that fucking ex. And no, that wasn't a nice thing to say, since he is still her father ... but it is TRUE! He will become a HUGE HURRICANE whenever I do that - and probably buy a shed near by *sighs*

We placed the teen at the boarding school Sunday. She felt SO embarrassed having us with her ... dunno why. KIDS HAVE PARENTS .. OH well, maybe it was because Peter said "SOOO ... Were are the boys ..." while fisting up ... ! She kept on asking when we were leaving, and even later on when I called her to know how everything went - she did not have time to talk with me. I called her again yesterday and she was more annoyed than happy. "Mom, I don't have time now, I'm just talking with some new friends" .... ALRIGHT! I just have to realize that I finaly became just as annoying and embarrassing as my own mother. And I never thought that would happen!

Busy - but empty. I run out of the door in the morning with a tornado on my bike - pulling in me, laughing because she thinks it's the world to ride a bike *mom, it tickles in my tummy" she says, while I try focus on the road and a million other busy parents driving their "love-products" to the child care centers. Then down to the train with a billion busy people who all looks angry and tired and annoyed ... and then to work. I have tons of meetings all day and things we need to solve - and when heading home - I do everything backwards - though in the evening I have to buy groceries too. HOME - diner, bathing the tiny one who runs around and hides everywere because it is so funny She just turned 4 and she is nearly able to write her own name - and AMANDA is a quite long name. She can write mom and dad now - which made me very much impressed. What made me even more impressed was when Peter said goodbye and she, after kissing his bald head - which is some kind of a ritual - she turned around and said "Bye bye" (which is far from the Danish "Hej hej").

After putting her to bed, singing lots of children songs and telling stories, I sit down and relax in front of the pc. If I'm lucky it doesn't hurt when my head knocks out on the keyboard. I go to bed - exhausted. Half of the time everything will become so silent though. The weekdays were the tiny artist is at her father and the teen is at the boarding school and Peter, well, Peter is on msn ... ! I bet I will work quite late those days. I bet it will be weird!

OH well - time goes by - we're getting old ... we can't prevent it! 10 days though .. but who counts ....

Word of the day: Superwoman

Screw being a superwoman ... sometimes it's just difficult to satistfy everybody; kids, job, boss, customers, husband, lover, dog - you name it ... It's not easy always to be the always in need and nursing part, the angry explaining parent part, the super carreer woman part, the sensitive understanding part, the sexy doormat but-I-low-to-blowjob part, the dishing and cleaning after the whole world part, the diaper smiling changing part, the quiet when required part, the super cook the favorites part, the listening and blondie nodding part, the always fun and making-jokes-of-your-own-fat-ass part, the buying always cheap and healthy groceries part, the taking up dog-poo so everybody else doesn't step in it part ...

Is'nt it great you can google and imidiately get some help in need? And from other superwomen ... ?

Exciting litterature:

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A service pack ....

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AND of course ... a sexy super woman outfit ....

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Hm.... on the other hand .. who needs superwomen ... ? Were is Superman ... *sighs* ...

Word of the day: sick

The first 14 days at my new job must have been very tough to me - more than I imagined. Time went by so fast, I hardly had time to listen to my own body ... Stressed and eating wrong for 14 days showed its "work" Thursday evening, were I started to feel very sickish.

I could not stay home Friday because of an urgent deadline on a presentation I wanted to change myself, after seeing the work, the company did with it so far. I took it under my wings, sort of speak, and it went out great. I got awesome mails afterwards from the people in charge of that project, that it was very professional and a very neat job, I made with all the material. A girl in my department helped me out with the front site, and she did a really awesome job too.

HAPPY happy but very sick I went for weekend Friday. The teen came home for weekend from the boarding school and she was sick too. And I had the 4-year old tornado with me this weekend, who, of course, wanted to play, sing and draw ... cute ... but not when you're sick We had a cosy Saturday still though. The little artist draw some very neat drawings of Minnie and Mickey Mouse - for her age. And if I can scan them, I will post them later on.

The big one had a very good time at the boarding school, though she told me stories a mom is not "ready" to hear .. and no, I wont repeat them here She had German for the first time in her life and she was thrilled, that she understood it all. She has English on the highest level, but is bored because it is so easy... She choose Drama as her optional subject and she thinks it's very interesting and fun. I know she is really good at that... just think about all the times she has been acting towards me Nah, not kidding - she is really good at acting and she is not afraid of standing in front of an audience either.

SO ... how's life? The boarding school is gonna pull out some teeth - economically. I really hope I can make it - Sarah's education and future must come first. Though all my own travelling is also very expensive but also very important. Days come - days goes. Sometimes I wonder were they even went. Sometimes work is filling up everything - including all the other stuff I have to take care of, remember to do, pay etc. If it is possible even to make an overall equation, you would easily see, that I would not have time for much other things. Or energy for that matter.

I am not talking with my family as much as I should, maybe. I just can't pull myself together to have meaningless conversations about things which frankly is not in my interest. With my family they often ends up in some stupid discussions, because my parents have this urgent goal in life to still determine how my life should be ... That in itself pulls me down, and sometimes I wish I could just say "fuck you all" and move somewere to the other side of the country and make sure they can't just "come over". NOT that they do that .. OH no .. in my family we have to PLAN things. My parents never been there if I needed it. F.x. if my youngest daughter is ill - my mom never took her. If I need help and my mom has an appointment at the hairdresser, she would NEVER cancell that to help out. I know, because I'we been there allready.

Ranting - ranting. I'm not talking that much with my friends either. It's sometimes kind of the same. I can't concentrate in the conversations, unless it's interesting enough. It sounds hard - but I really have to be "in the mood". It sucks really. I hope I some day will be "in the mood"... My brain turns into a too small closet. When I put in the most important stuff in my life RIGHT now (without thinking about how important friends and family are ... ) .. the rest is hanging out and I smash the closet door and it will automaticly lock out the rest!

I want to play games in the evening with my love. Just to be near him a little bit. But in the weekdays I always turn out to be too tired - especially the weeks I have Amanda. When she finaly sleeps around 21.00 - I am as near dead I can be - when still breathing. After a short time I give up and have to crawl into bed. I don't hope he gives up on me playing with him - but I can't spend more time on games as things are now. Even though I wish I could So, I cling to the msn because that is the only place we have together when we are not physically together. And even that - the feelings, missing part and stuff - is taking up lots of energy.

I have a dream ... I dream I one day will be able to have that little house near a coast or a lake - and that I, when I come home, just from the beautiful view from the panorama windows, will get more energy. I make dinner easily - because I enjoy the fresh air - and after diner, cleaning and stuff - I sit on the terrace and enjoy life and the sunset, watching the kids play in the sand or the grass in front of me, with a blanket over my legs and a glass of whine in my hand - and hopefully the love of my life by my side!

Word of the day: Thanks

Thanks for the kisses and
small pinches while walking by,
cognac glass in your hand and
the smell of a new sexy seductive parfume
on your ear tip.
Long drowning looks in your
greenish innocent cute pet-eyes.
I love your cute pet-eyes ...
I love you're not that innocent ...
Thanks for the not that impressive greek food
but the long talk about all the
places you want to discover ..
with me ...
Thanks for trying to fix the pc
.. fuck pc's which are not working
... I blame it on the dealer !
Snuggling and cuddling and much
more late at night - early in the morning ...
Smiling and laugher - fun videos
Looking for parrots ...
Half nakid enjoyment sharing a cigaret
under the blanket on the sunbed
on the balcony late at night
while lightning and loud thunder
and heavy rain is trying to reach our feet
... we buckle our toes not to get hit..
wet ... warm ... wondering, what that person
in the window above us really saw ...
Thanks for the goodbye kisses and hugs
at 5 in the morning in the airport
Mostly thanks for the CU again in 13 days
This time for Egypt!
I love you more!

Monty Python

Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

I'm Rudolph and I quit.
Just who's he think he is?
That little fat !!!! sat back in the sleigh,
crackin' that fuckin' whip.
And me stuck up the front, with these other useless cunts,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

And what about us elves,
we've had enough as well,
workin' in that freezing factory, it's cold as fucking hell,
we work until we drop, with our bollocks freezin' off,
stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

I'm Santa Claus' wife,
I know what he's really like,
sneakin' into them little kid's rooms
he's a fuckin' paedophile,
A devious old drunk,
and I'm married to the !!!!,
So stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.
Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho.

Feel free to put in names yourself .. k'thanks!




OHHH and btw ... remember to have fun

Word of the day: I'm disgusted

... I'm feeling sick and nauseous whenever I read the news ...

• a man kills his 2-year old son and hides him in the fridge ...

• soldiers rapes and burns a little girl to death and after that, shoots her familiy, including smaller sisters ...

• a guy pushes his pregnant wife out of a hotel window on their vacation, so she gets spiked on the railing underneath the window .. while their 4-year old son is watching ...

• an indian girl was put into a tiny little cage when she was 14 and first now, when she is 29, the government found her nakid in the tiny cage - not being able to lay down or stand up for all these years

• a girl cuts out the foetus of her "friend" and make her bleed to death - and also kills the "friends" other 3 children

• a guy puts a little 2 year old girl in a tubple-drier - so she gets heavily burned and chocked ..

• a woman finds a photo underneath her front door, showing er boy tied up together with other children - to be used in the porn-industry - but he disappeared/was kidnapped more than 10 years ago ...

• a man goes into a school and kidnaps all the small girls - maybe with the intention of hours of sexual abusement - but ends up shooting them and himself ...

... I could keep it on ... but I wont! You probably read the news yourself ...

I'm so sorry! I know I'm a part of this world too ... and I know that a lot of it is coursed by other cultures, mentally sickness and other excuses - but in my world, nothing can justify actions were innocent victims are suffering!

Don't you ever have a feeling that you are far from the "real" world, when you read or hear stuff like this is happening? Aren't you ever afraid of putting children into this world filled with psychopaths and ignorant people? Don't you often lay awake in the evening trying to understand WHY and how people are able to act like this - and how they even though still are able to fall asleep in the evening? Aren't you ever afraid to trust even the nicest person you met, because you "never know"?

Dunno ... I'm disgusted. And I just needed a place to put it! And I'm sorry if this ruined your day - but there is an universe outside this - and that's were real life stuff like those few things above, happens every day, every minute!

Word of the day: ONE YEAR AYAYAY!!!!11101!

Thanks bebe ... and I love YOU

And in 2 days we shall cellebrate with a glass of something and nice kisses and what more .. and in 4 days we will have a wonderfull view, enjoying Egypt beverages, belly dancing and sleep on the beach in the sun, riding camels and jump the pyramids

Soon Level42 will follow up and close to that even Spamalot in London! I can't wait to see what the new year is bringing. This first year has been awesome and time I spend with you will always be sweet memories saved closed to my heart!

And before everything here gets wet (from happy tears ... that is) let's get some

.... *cought cought* ... back from the most awesome trip to Egypt ...

sooo .. what's up peeps?



..... an update will follow when I get more time! But Egypt is really something you should try at least once in a lifetime

The song we danced to at Magic Night the last evening. Just as a tiny memory of a fantastic vacation

Beautiful south - Dream a little dream of me

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me
Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading, but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading, but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams - our worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me
Sweet dreams
Sweet dreams
Sweet dreams
Sweet dreams

Words of the day: Our trip to Egypt I

Finaly I looked through all my pictures from Egypt. I collected some of them for you and they really show what a great time we had.

I wont get much into details - since Peter already told you about the whole trip in his diary - other than a little storie to every serie!

You have to wait for the pyramides pictures. They are on another phone

Enjoy




I wont have to go deeper into this picture - it looks like Peter is going deep enough

Words of the day: Our trip to Egypt II

Words of the day: Our trip to Egypt III

We went for an awesome Bedouin-camel-diner-star trip one day. It was great and very interesting. You go out to a bedouin camp on camels and there, you are placed inside some bedouin tents were you get tea and waterpipes (yes, my daughter was back in heaven).

My camel kept on looking at me when I was riding. Dunno, maybe I looked scary? As you can see, Peter and I did our best to fall into the natural environment ...



Here you see, Peter already is a very experienced waterpipe smoker .. AND my daughter - as a proper Egyptian girl should go in public



Afterwards the bedouins made us food. Yes, they cooked food underneath the sand. Here you see a cow leg which is nicely roasted. It was SO good, I tell you. For that they served rice, veggies, fish and sauce together with naan bread. hummmmm I could live the bedouins life.

After the excellent diner, we were invited to join their "party" - were a bedouin band played on drums and stuff and sang. It was a blast. We danced to candellights and to the sky filled with more stars than you can imagine.

After the dance we went to some special HUGE telescopes in the middle of darkness, were a Astrophysicist showed us the star constellations and were we saw close up pictures on the telescopes.

This trip is really a thing I can recommand anyone going to Egypt - and we might just do it again next time

Words of the day: Our trip to Egypt IV

Everything comes to an end which was really sad. BUT we made friends on the Hotel. Some shopkeepers and some bartenders (surpriced?).

Really nice people - and you see at the right, the shopkeeper, Samir and his shop, were we bought some great papyrus pictures - one made from one of Egypts most famous papyrus painter, Monsef Labib (the Horus Picture in the middle).





Among the pictures, we also bought some real neat glass, music and other stuff.

That's all for now! I might bring some more culture in here later on, when I get my fingers in Sarah's phone (I forgot my own on our trip to Cairo SHAME).

SO LONG - we will go back...! & Salam!

Word for the day: A little of everything

I know! It is not possible - but I want it all!

I want my love to be with me all the time and not only on a 3-days basis every 14 days! I want a job were I make the agenda! I want to have my kids and do fun things with them! I want to travel a lot! I want to buy a house in the country - a farm! I want a new car! I want time to play online games with my love! I want time to enjoy EU with the new Vu, which actually is quite good! I want to chat with my friends more! I want time to be good with myself! I want new highheeled boots! I want to go to all the concerts we love! I want to meet my loves family, friends and whatever - in Holland! I actually want to learn dutch! I want a piano again. I want to paint more too! I have lots of books I want to read. I want to loose more weight! I want to go to Egypt again. I want my own net-company. I want to enjoy a glass of wine in the evening. I want to relax. I want to do something with my career. I want to live close to water. I want to live close to forrest too! I want a parrot! I want a baby-girl with my love! I want to be independent of others. I want more money. I want to be able to sleep a whole night without waking up. I want more hours in a day. I want to be healthy. I want new pots and pans for my cooking. I also want square plates! I want a bath tub. I rather want a jacuzzi. I want a summer resident down south. I want to eat at restaurants! I want to feel safe! I want my children to feel safe! I want peace! I want all dickheads who hurt innocent people removed from the earth! I want all teorrists the same way! I want the moon! Most of all though, I still want my love to be with me all the time and not only on a 3-days basis every 14 days.

Have fun all! I had.

Lootius bless

ViagraFalls and I went to London last weekend to watch the musical Spamalot. Can I just say that was the funniest musical I have EVER EVER EVVVVER seen? It was a blast and we cracked up from laughing. Tim curry was SO fun and really good in the part as King Arthur!

One of the spectators were in the last part being called up to the stage, because he "sat" on the holy grail... Peter is still pissed, that he didnt have that seat - he SO much wanted to pet Tim And I understand him perfectly. I would have wished that for him too (not Tim, Peter). That would have made his day (still not Tims, Peters ... hehe)!

We went with some of Peters friends from The Stone, very very nice people. And afterwards we went for a beer in a bar near by. Peter and I went back to the hotel later on, had a few drinks in the bar (used the free drink-tickets we got when we arrived, because we got the wrong room were a woman were standing when we logged in! Luckily - to her .. and us - she wasnt showering or anything *G*. Still a shock, but free drinks helped on the traumatic experience).

After drinks and cigarets we found a really good fish restaurant and had an AWESOME delicious meal with shell fish! AND a really nice bottle of whitewine. Peter had a whisky when we got there - because it was ice freezing outside. We ran home, making lots of fun on the way, with people who might have thought we were not quite normal up there ... feeling a LITTLE bit drunk

On Monday afternoon I will head Holland again. Peters company is having a christmas party on Tuesday with partners We are going to watch another musical, Rembrandt, and they have something planned for me (maybe they are translating? ). I look forward to it. But mostly I look forward to have Peter here for Christmas and New Year - he drive up here the 23th and home around the 2nd. Having him around for more than a weekend is just such a privilege ...

AND I have found the perfect Christmas gift for him .. I wont tell though

Take care all

THIS thread inspired me to ELF MYSELF too ... Havent seen anything this fun for a long while! Made the smile of the day


Thanks JDaddy

Can I just say, that Rembrandt, the musical is NOTHING compared to Spamalot?? Yes, it was very nicely put up. Yes, their costumes were beautiful. Yes, the scene was incredible and very impressive ... BUT it was death, death and more death. I tell you, that Rembrandt guy had a shitty life! NOT only was his gf's ugly ... but they also died from him all the time

Actually I never imagined that another play than an opera had THAT long death scenes! Incredible. The moment you think ... NOW it's final ... the Rembrandt guy suddenly breath in and sing another strofe! Peter said "Can't he just die??" and I could not stop laughing even though I also got a little bit embarrased, since all the other ppl was quiet and had tears in their eyes *sighs*.

I guess Peter and I are just not into that shit! Luckily we both feel this way. Would have been real annoying if one of us were heartbroked and had to talk about all the culturel finesses and the symbolic in his paintings etc. and the other one rather wanted a beer before the next Monty Phyton movie ...

AND that is gonna be our NewYear, I guess We are cellebrating it alone at my place! Plan one is: LOTS of champagne, dellicious food (probably some fishes), ALL Monty Phytons Flying Circus movies .... AND lot's of "bollen" Plan two is: LOTS of champagne, dellicious food (probably something else than fish), some fun movies Peter is bringing .... AND lot's of "bollen" .... Plan three, which might be plan one is: LOTS of champagne and LOTS of "bollen" ... HAHAHAH It's gonna be the perfect NewYear ... with the perfect guy

Played around with photoshop a little. Was kind of bored and over-tired

Word of the day: A little bit of EU

Yes ... it happens rarely, but I decided to write a little about EU today.

CoL is being rebuild. It is hard work. Harder than it was earlier, mostly because I'm not playing that much anymore. RL kind of doesnt allow it. The same goes for Sharyn, I believe - since she started a new exciting job

But our new members are very nice people - and it really shows that CoL grow into a mature society. We have not yet had the possibility for a soc hunt - but we are planning an event in January.

I will make sure we make soc hunts in the new year though. We need something to glue us together :-D

We are still looking for members. And mostly members who knows the game - but also members who doesnt take it all too seriously. I have seen that happen before - and I don't wish to see that again.

I got christmas gifts from MA - all 3 ,-) They are so nice gifts and I keep them in my Lykke Wooden Chest together with last years christmass gifts and some christmass flowers, I got. Hopefully I can put in next years christmas gifts too

Did EU somehow change? Or did I? I remember in the beginning were close fellowship and helpfullness ruled among people. I know a couple of great people in EU - always very nice and helpfull. Even some I feel "looks after me" in a good way, that is But when I walk around in the citys there is a lot of bad talk around.

I met two girls a while ago. Or I didn't meet them, since I don't "know" them personally - only by names from EF - but I sertainly noticed them. They were standing shouting at people - being rude - acting as if they "ruled" the place. Actually I was kind of disgussed. I met a lot of fun people in game - but when they are rude and call people names etc. I kind of loose respect.

Maybe I'm the one who changed or maybe my age shows anyway? I love to jump around still and make silly things. I also love to praise Lootius for fun and keep that roleplaying, since we DO need more smilies in game. But I really dislike people who are impudent, who gossips and swear towards others in everything they say ... even though it's in another language they believe other people doesn't understand! It's still rude.

I wish you all a happy holliday. All my good and very apriciated friends in EU and on EF Even though this is not a game (or it is ) .. we kind of follow each other, keep an sleepy eye on one another - and it's always nice with your kindness and good wishes - and all the fun and serious chats we had during the year. I wish you the best with your love once both inside and outside EU - and I wish you all a very happy New Year.

See you in 2007

May you all Global, HoF, ATH ... and Lootius blessings!
Lykke

What a nice Christmas Eve Though I was terrible stressed with all the cleaning in front, making the table and the FOOD! But it was damn good food

Kids loved it - Amanda was so cute when having her gifts. Santa even came (my brother) and she was all thrilled. He gave her a Cindarella pup up book ... "santa" (well.. I) bought it in a big center in Copenhagen called Magazin. It's really gorgeous. It's a "fold up" book nicely made with pictures which pops up and show the coarch, Cindarella in a huge dress, the castle etc. - all made in old style. Amanda gave santa a kiss on his nose. And said bye and played with her new toys again.

We gave Sarah a very nice pair of white winter boots. Mostly to use when she is going skiing with her school in January. She got a lot of money and gift cards for clothes though ... which was the best and she looks forward to go out shopping .. and that's quite natural, when you are 14, I guess!

Peter gave me a digital camera I had no clue he was giving me that and got nicely surpriced. He remembered how annoyed I was when we went to Egypt, that Sarah ruined yet another of my cameras and I had to use my phone all the time. It's a great gift and very thoughtfull. I look forward to perpetuate our moments together.

I gave Peter an electrical Guitar. yes. Sounds like a horrible gift to someone who can't even play. But I admire his dreams and if he want's to learn the guitar? So be it He did realize that playing the guitar is NOT easy, not even if you have long fingers *G*. I have played the piano since I was 4, and have an good ear for music, so I helped him tune the guitar ... not that it helped HAHAHAH

Yesterday we went to my parents for a christmas lunch with traditional Danish fish table (salmon, herring and smoked eel) AND of course danish beer and snaps (akvavit). We got a little bit drunk I believe and when we got home I felt SO bad and my tummy hurted SO much. I was afraid that it was something from the seafood ... but I guess it was just too much snaps HAHAH .. We woke up around 5 this morning - which was kind of shitty, since I had to get up at 7 to go to work. Peter could sleep again ... and I envied him that!

I'm at work now - VERY tired and all I long for is going home to Peter again. It's so precious to me, that he is there. I can't wait until he moves here for good. Next month or in february his kitchen will be fixed, and then I hope time will run fast!

I hope you all had a very joyfull christmas .. even you I don't even really know, but who is sneak-reading my diary

Have fun all
Lykke

Hm well, it wasn't my parents food, but some chicken salat I ate in the evening. I had a doctor here yesterday, since I had to leave work around 14.00. I have never felt so sick before. My head was totaly heavy and I could hardly look out of my eyes because of Dizzyness. I felt my heart was beating out of my chest and I could feel I had small body shocks. I could not move at all and I felt I was inbetween a state of awareness and asleep. I called the doctor and asked for advice since I have never felt this way, and even though I told them it wasnt necessary for them to come, they didnt want to take that chance.The doctor gave me a short against the huge nausea I had and told me to stay in bed untill my tummy-cramps and the dizzyness disappears. That can take 2-3 days - and if it dont get better, I have to see a doctor again. I'm just up now to tjeck my work e-mail .. and who is addicted ?

Tummy still hurts but nausea is luckily gone. I'm still dizzy though. Hope it's over New Years eve.

Word of the day: Quietness

New Year is over .. so is christmas. It went nice, quietly with a very delicious diner and champagne. Peter wish it could be New Year more often because of the good food and especially the champagne I guess - but as I said; Every day actually starts a New Year! It depends on how you look at things. And things used to be so simple when I was younger, but now - maybe because I'm getting older - everything seems so complicated.

It is very silent. Peter just left. I kissed him in his red car - trying to keep the tears away not to spoil the moment too much (I'm not good at keeping feelings down)...He wispered "I love you" I wispered back "I love you, drive safe" - I smiled at him when I went out the car without a word, looking in his eyes looking at me - I waved at him in the door, still trying to smile and he send me finger kisses and I could see how he forced himself to hit the speader and get going .. I saw him turning his head just one last moment where I fastly waved and hurried inside while feeling the tears pressing harder. And now it's just so quiet again. And I already miss him terribly!

We won't see each other again untill 17 days. 17 long fucking days. I can't tell how much I wish this pain and waiting and feeling of being stucked in a moment with no beginning and no end, stops. Hopefully it will this summer - or that is the plan for now.

I don't even know why I'm writing here. Maybe because I just need to let it out. It's easier to write it down than to think about it.

One last thing. I need a piano. Peter says we are getting me a keyboard as a start and before we buy a house. But it should still be big enough for me to play on BUT also it would have the possibility to add headphones (which is a good idea, since I havent played for quite some years). I miss playing Satie and Debusy ... the piano has been my best friend since I was 4 years old. I spend ours and ours on it - every single evening all my childhood. I sold my piano some years ago - mostly because the ex thought it was filling too much - and because I did not find the joy moments to play on it. If I did I would get angry eyes and being told how annoying it was, so I just dropped it. I know Peter undestands how it is - he always wanted to learn to play because music means so much to him. I hope he learns to play the guitar soon Then maybe we can even play together

Oh and EU ? Still going strong here!

Word of the day: Who ARE you?

Word of the day: Life quality

I don't really know what to think or say about this!

Speachless and filled with wonders!

But most important is it, that the little girl have quality in life and is happy to the extent she is able to. And no other than her parents know what she feels and how she feels.

Again it reminds me how lucky we are. How lucky I am and my kids - and how vulnerable our lifes are and our relations to our love ones. Since we never know what will happen.

I send them my best wishes!

Life is like a roller coaster.
When it goes up - you forget to enjoy but close your eyes because you are afraid of what is coming
When it goes down you just wanna jump off and puke ...

Word of the day: Confession

... and more cleaning...

A year and a half ago I cleaned up my life. I left my husband and I never felt more happy. I wrote in this diary august 2005 that I cleaned up not only in my house, life but also mentally.

I found out recently that I didn't yet get rid of some nasty ghosts in my life. Some evil green once who appears when I at least expect them to. Everytime they scare the shit out of me.

I thought about it a lot lately - actually the last 6 months - but I ran into a wall the other day and that made me turn. I found my old adoption papers, which I never read, some months ago and that's how I found out, why I have so many ghosts. I thought there were gone YEARS ago. I mean, they have been hidden for so many years - why could they not just stay away? Is it fair, I thought, that old ugly ghosts like that are ruining my life? Ghosts, SO old - more than 35 years - should destroy my future, dreams and wishes?

I'm sure we all have ghosts haunting us. For some it's just too difficult to get rid of them. No matter how many spells you cast on them - they will just show even more evil faces. Sometimes you might even confuse them with your own face, and that's when it's getting really ugly.

So. I took a decision today, to kill the ghosts one time for all. It's not something I can do over night - but I will throw my tongue at them everytime they show (and my tongue can be SO ugly ). I mean, no one else can kill them. It's something I have to do - though I know that sometimes I might need a little help. Like it could be nice if people said: Hmm, are you seeing a ghost again? or ... Anything hunting atm? or ... You can borrow MY tongue if you need ....

It's about looking at your feet. Do you see the world turning around you? You can stay on your feet on the ground while life and opportunities are passing by or you can move your feet and turn with it and enjoy your life and the people you wish to spend it with. It might not be easy, but at least you will feel you live.

It's also about trusting the people you love and believe in their intentions with you. And most of all it's also about daring to love, because love is not easy. As soon as you dare giving away and love - the chance of loosing will appear. But if you want to live and turn with the world, that is a chance you have to take.

I'm gonna clean up again. And I will try and change my ghosts into butterflies. They can fly away whenever I wave with the hand - and I will just look at them and smile.

I just need patience and understanding from my surroundings. Sometimes I might have forgotten a ghost - but I promise I will smash it in it's face with a beton-truck whenever I see one

Word of the day: Alan Parsons Project

First off, thank you all of you who pm'ed me lately etc. - for your concern and best wishes. It's very precious to me

After many years, I found their limited edition album (the dutch collection, but as long as they didn't translated the songs ). I absolutely love their songs. So many of their song-lyrics go deep into my heart, somehow. I was a teen when I heard them first time .. over and over again. Back then everything you did and felt was put into the songs you were hearing. The music was very important to me (still is). I wish it was possible to see them live one day

Here is another song from Alan Parsons Project, very well put and current very up-to-date (to me) song ...


No Answers Only Questions by Alan Parsons Project

Some of us laugh,
Some of us cry,
Some of us lay back - watch the world go by.
Some of us fear,
Some of us hate,
Some of us won't wake up 'till it's too late!

The distance between us is a mystery to us all,
The difference between us is so small!

There are no answers, only questions
And we're all strangers to the truth
But in my mind's eye
I have found the reason why
And I carry the burden of the proof.

Why do we fight?
Why do we fall?
Why do we stand there - backs against the wall?
Why don't we change?
Why don't we try?
Why don't we turn 'round, help the other guy?

The distance between us is a mystery to us all,
The difference between us is so small!

There are no answers, only questions
And we're all strangers to the truth
But in my mind's eye
I have found the reason why
And I carry the burden of the proof.

I was in the newspaper the other day - one week ago to be precise.

NOT that I liked it. Actually I was sitting in the train when I saw it. I closed the newspaper in a hurry ... looked around ... tried to think about something else. At the office I looked again. No biggie. Just half a page picture ... HALF A PAGE??? Ok, so it's actually an advertising for the newspaper provided with text and picture by my company (or my department) BUT STILL. When the photographer came and took the pictures I had the feeling it was a nice little add with our logo in the corner. Our logo was there allright ... and me .. ON HALF THE PAGE!

WELL actually I DID post a lot of pictures of myself on this forum. But truth is I'm far from being photogenic. To be honest I hate myself on pictures. Especially pictures I did not accept myself (and not taken with my own phone or webcam ... ).

SO I showed it to my teen. She was laughing ... THAT DOESN*T look like you at ALL mom ... HEY FRIENDS, look at my mom *puts the newspaper in her bag to take it with her on the boarding school*. ... HELL NO, it doesn't look like me at all! I look like a school girl, shy and DOUBLE fat (well, of course, I'm a girl, right?).

At the office ... the financial manager: MUAHAHAhahaha .. you were in the newspaper .... *takes ahead a copy and hands it to the owner.... * MUVUAHAHAHA HOW cute.. doesn't look like you! HELL NO, IT STILL DOESN*T...

Hmmm ... went home today ... with the feeling everybody was looking at me. Yes, on a public forum I have NO problems telling about my life, thoughts, joy, fears etc. but in REAL life, I'm actually quite shy! And rarely exposing myself!

.... Sitting in the corner of the train ... taking the newspaper next to me and opens the last page first .... WTF!!!! Oh well ... here we go again. Did I ever say they could post this TWIZE??? A HALF FUCKING PAGE!!! I surely hope I will get another salary increase after this? NOT? ...

But, a half fucking page ....

Word of the day: 15 that matters!

Came home today from the company's yearly Kick off. I was a little nervous because I had to make a standing powerpoint presentation about my department and were we are heading in the new year, our new plans and products for the consulents ... in front of 150 people. It went very well - better than I expected -and I'm quite satisfied with my own performance

I'm so freaking tired now though. I went to bed on the hotel before everybody else. Some minutes past midnight. I guess all the waiting and the preparation for this day suddenly hit me. I didnt feel I slept at all when I woke up again. The 4 hours train trip home didn't make it better. And yet I'm sitting here ..

And today Peter and I have been together for 15 months. It's so amazing And so is he for remembering Thanks Bebe!

OH well ... heading bed. NIGHTY nighty!