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Joke of The day!

The good The Bad The Ugly

Good: The teacher thinks your son's great.
Bad: In bed.
Ugly: She's pregnant

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Ugly: It was with her sister

Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Ugly: Your wife is the preliminary act

Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Ugly: He looks better in them than you do!

Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's eleven.
Ugly: She got pregnant anyway!
WAY ugly: Will be triplets!

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Ugly: Use to be a wrestler

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.
Ugly: You won't do it, but her cabbie will

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Ugly: So is your wife

Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Ugly: They are expecting any day now

Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Ugly : Fashion never DID look as good on you as it did on him!
 
Two nuns driving along the road when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet of the car (hood if you live on the wrong side of the Atlantic ;))

"Quick" shouts the driver, "Show him your cross!"
The other nun winds down the window and shouts "Oi, Dracula - FUCK OFF!!"

:laugh::laugh::laugh:
 
How to ask for salary increase.

Dear Bo $$

In thi $ life, we all need $ ome thing mo$ t de$ perately. I think you $ hould be under$ tanding of the need $ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $ upport including $wea t and $ ervice to your company.

I am $ ure you will gue $$ what I mean and re $pond $ oon.

Your $ $incerely,

Marian $hih

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply :

Dear Marian

I k NOw you have been working very hard. NO wadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NO t doing NO ticeably well as yet .

NO w the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNO mists are NOt sure if the United States may go into a NO ther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NO thing more to add NOw. You k NOw what I mean .

Yours truly,

Manager
 
25 Rules for Women

In response to the popular "Women's 50 Rules for Men",
"Man's 25 Rules for Women":

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like a quickie in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
 
Woman

BEHIND EVERY
SUCCESSFUL WOMAN
IS HERSELF







A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG
SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER
IN HOT WATER




I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN
ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW
TO COMBINE MARRIAGE
AND A CAREER




COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST
BETTER RICH





WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE
AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT



OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...
I DID IT RIGHT
THE FIRST TIME




DO NOT START WITH ME.
YOU WILL NOT WIN



ALL STRESSED OUT
AND NO ONE TO CHOKE







And last but not least:



IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED,
SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
 
The Zen of Sarcasm

01. D o not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone .

02. T he journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire .

03. I ts always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

04. D on't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

05. A lways remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.


06.

N ever test the depth of the water with both feet .

07. I f you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments .

08. ; B efore you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes .

09. I f at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11. I f you lend someone $20 and never see that pers on again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. I f you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. S ome days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield .

14. E veryone seems normal until you get to know them .

15. T he quickest way t o double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket .

16. A closed mouth ga thers no foot .

17. D uct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together .

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works .

19. G enerally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .

20. E xperience is something you don't get until just after you need it .

21. N ever miss a good chance to shut up.

22. N ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night .
 
Dont Mess With Me

Got this joke from one of my indian friends... :laugh:


Indian Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Indian Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Indian Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have
one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Indian Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration
papers please.

Indian Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Indian Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Indian Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the
owner.

Officer: You what?

Indian Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in
the trunk if you
want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away
to his car and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars
circle the car. A
senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn
gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please! The woman
steps out of her vehicle.

Indian woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have
stolen this car and
murdered the owner.

Indian Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of
your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an
empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Indian Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is
quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not
have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a
clutch purse and hands
it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite
puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me
you didn't have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up
the owner.

Indian Woman: Bet, the liar told you I was speeding,
too.


MORAL:
Don't Mess With Indian Ladies !;)
 
It's the spring of 1957 and Joe goes to pick up his date, Peggy. Joe is a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy's father answers and invites him in.

"Peggy is not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.

"That's cool" says Joe.

Peggy's father asks Joe what they are planning to do. Joe replies politely that they will probably just go to the mall or to a drive-in movie.

Peggy's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Joe and he says, ''Whaaaat?''

"Yeah," says the father, "Peggy really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"

Joe's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Joe escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, ''Have a good evening, kids!''

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father, ''Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!''
 
FDA Warnings

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and
alcohol packaging, such as:

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.



2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like an asshole.



3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell the same boring story over and over again until
your friends want to CRACK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OPEN.



4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
thay shings like thish.



5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone
them at 4 in the morning.



6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your pants.



7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
roll over in the morning and see something really scary
(whose species and or name you can't remember).



8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause
of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.



9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, more handsome and smarter than
some really, really big guy named Chuck.



10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe you are invisible.



11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.



12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux
in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes
large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.



13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE
pregnancy.
 
CANON Man's Job

The Roberts were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Roberts kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; the man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''

Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Roberts cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot !" gasped Mrs. Roberts.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Roberts quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Roberts exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Roberts.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Roberts, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Roberts leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh ..equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."



................ Mrs Robert fainted... :silly2:
 
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A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to see how things went.

"How many sales did you make today?"

The young man replied without hesitating, "One."

The boss said, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid said, "$101,237.64."

The boss said, "$101,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!"

the kid said, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Blazer."

Amazed, the boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"

"No, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
 
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout lady of the evening catches his eye.
He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the lady of the evening, "How much?"
Lady of the evening replies, "It starts at $500 for manual manipulation."
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For manual manipulation! No manual manipulation is worth that kind of money!"
The lady of the evening says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well," says the lady of the evening, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give manual manipulation that's worth $500."
Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the best manual manipulation of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.
He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose oral manipulation is $1,000?"
The lady of the evening replies, "$1,500."
$1,500? No oral manipulation could be worth that".
The lady of the evening replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy.
Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give oral manipulation that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific manual manipulation, says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.
He can't believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.
He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks the lady of the evening, "How much for conventional coupling?"
The lady of the evening says, "Come over here to the window.
Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
"No," the lady of the evening replies, "but I would if I were a female."
 
In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living things along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no ark. "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Planning and Zoning Board for a decision".

"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power, overpasses and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go"!

"When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood".

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Civil Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, the Customs and Immigration Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species".

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?".

"No", said the Lord. "The Government has beaten me to it."
 
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action recorded by the engineers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 
A newly qualified doctor arrives for his first day at a hospital, deep in the African interior. He is met by one of the sisters, who has been given the task of showing him around the hospital and introducing him to the staff and patients.

It is a large hospital and it takes the whole day to get round. By late afternoon they are working their way through the psychiatric block and as the time approaches for the evening meal they arrive at the last ward.

They follow the dinner trolley into the ward and wait while one of the nurses lifts the lid on the food tray. To the doctor's surprise there is nothing but a single, albeit large, haggis on the tray to feed a whole ward.

One of the tallest, blackest patients moves towards the trolley in a purposeful manner addressing the haggis in a surprisingly accurate Edinburgh brogue,

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my airm.

Before he can reach the haggis another, very dark skinned patient sprints forward, grabs the simple repast and dashes up the ward. He proudly holds the haggis aloft and cries out in a reasonable Glasgow accent,

Some hae meat and cannae eat.
Some cannae eat that want it:
But we hae meat and we can eat,
Sae let the Lord be thankit.

At this, a kilted dervish leaps from his bed, whips a skian dubh out of his sock and lunges at the haggis carrier. With a deft movement the haggis bearer fends off the flashing blade with the haggis. Although this prevents any injury it does result in the top of the haggis being hacked off.

A small mouse obviously waiting upon this event dashes out from under a bed, grabs the loose piece of haggis and scampers up the ward, running the gauntlet of slashing claymores and hurled dirks from various patients.

At the end of the ward stands a bent and wizened old tribal warrior with a wild fire in his eyes, but a strangely Aberdeen twang to his voice . He screams at the mouse,

Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an chase thee,
Wi murdering pattle!

And then dives upon the poor little mouse. With a left dummy and a right feint, the mouse dodges between the old man's legs, through a hole in the skirting board and to safety with his prize.

The doctor turns to the sister and asks, "Why is this psychiatric ward in an African hospital so full of Scotsmen?"

"Oh no, doctor, these are not Scotsmen, they are genuine Zulu tribesmen born and bred", she replies, "and, anyway, this isn't a psychiatric ward,

"This is the Serious Burns Unit."
 
Smart Answer

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law
that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:





First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct.... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting "Oh my God." :D

That student received the only 'A' in class...
 
Good Girls and Bad Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line

Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better

Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls don't wear any

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls

Good girls pack their toothbrush
Bad girls pack their diaphragms
 
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
 
No Touching!!!

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
 
how about this one? ;)

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
 
A man meets a nice blonde woman.
And after a while they are laying in bed.
After 30 minutes of sex he ask her "are u finish ?".
And she says "no".
And he contineus.
So after a hour he ask her again "are u finish ?"
And she answers again "no".
So he contineus again, and after 2 hours he ask again "are u now finish ?".
And she answer "no, i am english".

greetings,

bigdeal
 
A farmer hired a new a help.
And on the first day work, the farmer ask the help to get his boots from the stable.
So the help goes to the stabel and saw 2 beautiful blonde hair girls who are the daughters of the farmer.
And the help says to the girls that theire father send him to fuck them.
And the daugther began to laugh and says "no way my father ask u this".
So the help shouted to the farmer "one or both".
And the farmer shouted back "both off course u silly help".

greetings,

bigdeal
 
In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"
 
A woman goes to her doctor to ask about a breast enlargement.

He says, "Before I so anything surgical, have you tried rubbing a piece of tiolet paper between your breasts?"

"How will that make them bigger?" she asks, puzzled.

With a smile the doc replies, "Well it seems to have worked on your arse!"
 
How do you spot a blonde at an airport?
She's the one throwing bread at the planes.

How do you know a blonde has been using a computer?
There's tippex on the screen.


{i can't believe i lowered myself to telling blonde jokes lol}
 
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