Vortexy
Elite
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2005
- Posts
- 4,116
- Location
- Malaysia
- Society
- Entropia Asia
- Avatar Name
- Vortexy
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Wow! Yesterday and today was certainly phenomenal...
A picture (in this case 2) speaks a thousand words
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
Got my usual korrs, 2 crafting hoFs, and unlocked BPC!
Jokes Section
An attorney returned home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where the heck have you been?"
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak - pursued by his wife's sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered - to be told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the bath cleaning the tub.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said, at which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, "For crying out loud woman, don't you ever stop?"
**************************************************
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'.
With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met the my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, they'll share one room only. Isn't he not thrifty guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin"
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repidition. "MMM...his 'that one' is still new and hard....all wrapped up in plastic, mum!"
**************************************************
Late at night this guy runs into a pub and demands a glass of water from the landlord. The guy drinks it in one gulp then asks for a second glass. Six pints later and he has recovered enough to speak.
"Thanks," he croaks.
"That's one hell of a thirst you've got," says the landlord. The guy says, "Any man would be as bad if they'd just had sex with the woman in my car. She's insatiable. She wants me to go right back out there and do it all again, but I can't."
"Where's your car?" the landlord asks.
"At the roadside," the guy gasps.
"Tell you what," says the landlord, "you watch the bar for me while I nip out and take your place. "
"Be my guest," the guy says.
So the landlord goes outside and gets in the car. It's totally dark, so the woman doesn't realize she's with a different man. And they get right down to it, humping away.
Five minutes later there's a knock on the window. It's a cop, and he shines his flashlight on the naked couple.
"What's going on here?" he asks.
"It's all right, officer, "explains the landlord, "She's my wife."
The officer replies apologetically, "Oh, sorry sir, I didn't realize."
Looking at the woman the landlord says, "Neither did I till you switched on that damned light."
**************************************************
A man and his wife were talking and he says, "You know, I was thinking of going down to the bar tonight and entering that big dick contest."
"Oh honey," she exclaims, "I don't want you taking that out in public!"
"But, sweet thing," he says, "the prize is 25000 bucks."
"I don't care," she says. "I don't want you showing that thing to everybody."
So he lets the subject drop until the following night when his wife walks in on him in the bedroom, counting out the money.
"Did you go down and enter that big dick contest last night after I told you not to?" she asks.
"Please forgive me, sweetheart., " he says.
"You mean you took that thing out for everybody to see?" she says, tears welling up in her eyes.
The man looks at her fondly and says, "Well, only enough of it to win."
**************************************************
Sadie had been widowed for a few years and very lonely, and finally consented to going out on a date with Smith, the gentleman her daughter fixed her up with.
Smith picked up her and they went on a picnic in a very secluded spot. Smith also had been widowed for a long time and found himself very attracted to Sadie, and despite her resistance at first to his advances, he finally was able to make love to her.
Sadie was mortified at her lack of self control and sobbed, "I don't know how I can face my daughter, knowing in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!"
Smith said "What do you mean "twice" we only did it once?"
Sadie looked at Smith and said, "...Well, you're going to do it again, aren't you?"
**************************************************
Three blondes passed every day through a street that led them from their room to their office. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.
One day, they heard, "Red, blue, black."
One of the blondes noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to her friends, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.
The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "Black, black, black."
Hearing that, girls were astonished!! One of the blondes spoke up: "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird."
Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should wear any underwear. So, next day they wore no underwear and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house.
They peeked at the bird. At the beginning, the parrot looked a bit puzzled. He swung back and forth on the cane he was perched on.
Then, after a while, the Parrot spoke, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"
**************************************************
Eva, a blonde city girl, marries a rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Eva, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"
So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Eva takes him down to the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one..... right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Eva explains.
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away
**************************************************
A blonde went into a global message center to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost 200 bucks, she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in France!"
The man arched an eyebrow, "Anything?" "Yes, absolutely anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me."
He walked into the next room and ordered her to come in and close the door. She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees."
She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper."
She did.
He said, "Go ahead... take it out."
She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "Hello.... MOM?"
Wow! Yesterday and today was certainly phenomenal...
A picture (in this case 2) speaks a thousand words
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]Got my usual korrs, 2 crafting hoFs, and unlocked BPC!
Jokes Section
An attorney returned home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where the heck have you been?"
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak - pursued by his wife's sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered - to be told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the bath cleaning the tub.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said, at which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, "For crying out loud woman, don't you ever stop?"
**************************************************
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'.
With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met the my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, they'll share one room only. Isn't he not thrifty guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin"
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repidition. "MMM...his 'that one' is still new and hard....all wrapped up in plastic, mum!"
**************************************************
Late at night this guy runs into a pub and demands a glass of water from the landlord. The guy drinks it in one gulp then asks for a second glass. Six pints later and he has recovered enough to speak.
"Thanks," he croaks.
"That's one hell of a thirst you've got," says the landlord. The guy says, "Any man would be as bad if they'd just had sex with the woman in my car. She's insatiable. She wants me to go right back out there and do it all again, but I can't."
"Where's your car?" the landlord asks.
"At the roadside," the guy gasps.
"Tell you what," says the landlord, "you watch the bar for me while I nip out and take your place. "
"Be my guest," the guy says.
So the landlord goes outside and gets in the car. It's totally dark, so the woman doesn't realize she's with a different man. And they get right down to it, humping away.
Five minutes later there's a knock on the window. It's a cop, and he shines his flashlight on the naked couple.
"What's going on here?" he asks.
"It's all right, officer, "explains the landlord, "She's my wife."
The officer replies apologetically, "Oh, sorry sir, I didn't realize."
Looking at the woman the landlord says, "Neither did I till you switched on that damned light."
**************************************************
A man and his wife were talking and he says, "You know, I was thinking of going down to the bar tonight and entering that big dick contest."
"Oh honey," she exclaims, "I don't want you taking that out in public!"
"But, sweet thing," he says, "the prize is 25000 bucks."
"I don't care," she says. "I don't want you showing that thing to everybody."
So he lets the subject drop until the following night when his wife walks in on him in the bedroom, counting out the money.
"Did you go down and enter that big dick contest last night after I told you not to?" she asks.
"Please forgive me, sweetheart., " he says.
"You mean you took that thing out for everybody to see?" she says, tears welling up in her eyes.
The man looks at her fondly and says, "Well, only enough of it to win."
**************************************************
Sadie had been widowed for a few years and very lonely, and finally consented to going out on a date with Smith, the gentleman her daughter fixed her up with.
Smith picked up her and they went on a picnic in a very secluded spot. Smith also had been widowed for a long time and found himself very attracted to Sadie, and despite her resistance at first to his advances, he finally was able to make love to her.
Sadie was mortified at her lack of self control and sobbed, "I don't know how I can face my daughter, knowing in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!"
Smith said "What do you mean "twice" we only did it once?"
Sadie looked at Smith and said, "...Well, you're going to do it again, aren't you?"
**************************************************
Three blondes passed every day through a street that led them from their room to their office. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.
One day, they heard, "Red, blue, black."
One of the blondes noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to her friends, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.
The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "Black, black, black."
Hearing that, girls were astonished!! One of the blondes spoke up: "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird."
Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should wear any underwear. So, next day they wore no underwear and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house.
They peeked at the bird. At the beginning, the parrot looked a bit puzzled. He swung back and forth on the cane he was perched on.
Then, after a while, the Parrot spoke, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"
**************************************************
Eva, a blonde city girl, marries a rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Eva, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"
So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Eva takes him down to the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one..... right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Eva explains.
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away
**************************************************
A blonde went into a global message center to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost 200 bucks, she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in France!"
The man arched an eyebrow, "Anything?" "Yes, absolutely anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me."
He walked into the next room and ordered her to come in and close the door. She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees."
She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper."
She did.
He said, "Go ahead... take it out."
She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "Hello.... MOM?"
Good for MA for appying 'Kaizen' concept into their gaming industry. However they should bear in mind there are a segment of users who are using mid range PCs. 
