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Thread: Vortexy's Diary

  1. #41
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    Cool Saturday, February 11, 2006

    Been busy lately with work (piling up due to too much time playing PE). Anyway rifle skill advanced from Inspiring to Impressive at 3.4k. Hope to unlocked Serendipity soon.

    Hunting allo/estos again and another lost of 200 peds. Change to molisk and lost 50 peds (at a turn over of 400 peds).. so not so bad. Then went hunting berys and snables at Billys. Yes, you heard it right. Billys.

    Funny thing was my hunt at Billys made like 100% profit. A 10 ped hunt (15 include armor + amp decay) produced a 30 ped loot (including pixie parts, bery skin, wools, gel, paints).

    Will take 2 days off MA to spend time with family. After all, family is the most important thing in life.

    Wheat Toast

    This couple was worried about the size of their young
    son's penis, so they consulted a doctor. The doctor
    told them that the only thing he knew of that would
    correct this problem was for them to feed their son
    wheat toast for breakfast. The next morning the son
    came to the breakfast table where he saw a plate on
    the table with a huge stack of wheat toast on it. He
    asked his mother what the big stack of toast was for.
    His mother replied, "The top two slices are for you
    and the rest is for your Dad".

  2. #42
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    Talking Why God Made Pets?

    They help out around the house…


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    They protect our children ...


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    They look out for the smaller ones ...


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    They show us how to relax ...


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    They "converse" with each other ...


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  3. #43
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    Part 2

    They help you when you're down ...


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    They are great at decorating for the Holidays ...


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    They have "great" expectations ...


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    They are Patriotic ...


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    They are happy to "test" the water ...


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    They love their "teddies" ...


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  4. #44
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    Talking Part 3 & Last (Smile as you will make others smile too)

    They know who's "BOSS" ...


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    AND - They know when we need a good LAUGH!


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    BUT Most Importantly.... LAUGH!


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  5. #45
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    Cool Monday, February 13, 2006

    Times are bad in PE. Due to consistent lost during hunting, will have to temporary stop while waiting for a few of my items to be sold in auction before continuing. Was down to my last pecs. Sad but true.

    Got 5 GSI in storage but the price has since dropped to around 70 peds per GSI! Should have sold em when they were 110 ped each.

    This really is a stumble for my quest to reach serendipity. Sigh.


    Click to enlarge



    Click to enlarge



    Lottery

    A redneck wins the lottery and goes to Austin to claim
    his winnings. The man behind the counter verifies the
    redneck's ticket number and the redneck says, "I want
    my $20 million. Where is it?!?!?!"

    The man behind the counter replies, "No, sir. It doesn't
    work that way. We give you a million today and then
    you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

    The redneck says, "Oh, no. I want all my money right
    now! I won it and I want it."

    Again, the man explains that he would only get a million
    that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

    The redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look,
    I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20
    million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

  6. #46
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    Talking Ten Rules Of Dating

    Since Valentine is round the corner, thought this is appropriate.

    ~*~DADDY'S TEN~*~RULES OF~*~DATING~*~
    (Guys take note.)


    Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

    Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

    Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, imwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my >daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come > inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

  7. #47
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    Cool Tuesday, February 14, 2006

    Sold 5 GSI for 75 ped each yesterday to be able to continue hunting. Hopefully a global or HoF or better still ATH coming soon.
    Damn maffoids not giving any stuff. Better stick to agro/molisk for the moment.

    Got a lot of nice comments from fellow forumers on this diary. Appreciate it very much.



    How to Kill an Eel

    Little Johnny was 12 years-old and like other boys his
    age, rather curious he had been hearing quite a bit
    about "courting" from the older boys and he wondered
    what it was and how it was done. One day he took his
    questions to his mother who became rather flustered.
    Instead of explaining "things" to Johnny she told him
    to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his
    older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following
    morning Johnny described everything he saw to his mother...

    Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then
    he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing
    and hugging her, I figured sis must be getting sick
    because her face started looking funny. He must have
    thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse
    to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except
    he's not as smart as the doctor, because he seemed to
    have trouble finding her heart.

    I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon
    both of them started panting and getting all out of
    breath. His other hand must have been cold because he
    put it under her skirt. About this time sis got worse
    and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide
    down toward the end of the couch. This was when the
    fever started. I knew it was a fever because sis told
    him she was really hot.

    Finally, I found what was making them so sick - a big
    eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped
    out of his pants and stood there, about ten inches long.
    Honest!! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it
    from getting away.

    When sis saw it, she got really scared, her eyes got
    big and her mouth fell open and she started calling
    to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest
    one she'd ever seen - I should tell her about the ones
    down at the lake.

    Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting
    its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let
    the eel go, I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed
    it with both hands and held it tight while he took a
    muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's
    head to keep it from biting again.

    Sis laid back and spread her legs so she could get a
    scissor-lock on it and he helped her by laying on top
    of the eel. The eel put up a helluva fight. Sis started
    moaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset
    the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel.

    After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great
    sigh. Her boyfriend got up and sure enough they had
    killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung
    there limp, and some of its insides were hanging out.
    Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle,
    but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging
    and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead!!!
    It jumped straight up and started to fight again, I
    guess that eel's are like cat's they have nine lives
    or something.

    This time, sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by
    sitting on it. After a 35 minute struggle they finally
    killed it again. I knew it was dead this time because
    I saw sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it
    down the toilet!!
    Last edited by Vortexy; 02-14-2006 at 00:48.

  8. #48
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    Talking 12 Jokes To Keep You Smiling

    Enjoy the jokes and have a great afternoon!

    Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
    Mom asked "How do you know?"
    Girl replied "Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."


    Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
    Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
    2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: "Boss! It worked!
    Me ok now. You got nice house."


    After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
    Man asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
    Thai Girl replied: "No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."


    Women's lives are hard. Morning wash clothes.
    Noon hang clothes. Evening keep clothes.
    Nite iron clothes. Midnight take off clothes.
    After midnight find clothes.


    To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she rubs it.
    To make it stiff she licks it. To let it in she pushes it. True?
    Threading a needle is not easy.


    Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
    "Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
    "I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
    "I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.


    A Sad story. A woman's husband died & she had him cremated.
    She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said "
    Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."


    Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
    Mom: "When you become a good girl you will get one."
    Girl: "But mom what if I am not a good girl?"
    Mom: "Then you will get many!"


    A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
    "If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
    Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties."


    Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
    Teacher: "Why?"
    Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."


    Two sperms talking on mobile.
    Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close by?"
    2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."



    Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS.
    This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought.

  9. #49
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    Cool Wednesday, February 15, 2006

    After selling my GSI and got 400 peds in my card, all was gone yesterday. Hunted for 6 hours and no global. Sigh. However, rilfe is now at 3.5k. Just 300 more to go before unlocking Serendipity.

    Pint of Brandy

    Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away
    from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister
    Mary Katherine and she said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint
    o' the brandy."

    "Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, "I could never
    do that! I've never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!"

    "Oh Jack," she responded, "it's only for the Mother
    Superior." Her voice dropped. "It helps her constipation,
    you know."

    So Jack sold her the brandy.

    Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home.
    As he passed the nunnery, who should he see but Sister
    Mary Katherine. And she was snookered. She was singing
    and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like
    a bird, right there on the sidewalk.

    A crowd was gathering so Jack pushed through and exclaimed,
    "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! You told me this
    was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"

    Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as she replied:
    "And so it is, me lad, so it is. When she sees me,
    she's going to shit!"

  10. #50
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    Wink Some Rides That We Should Try Once In Our Life!

    You dare?


    Ride 1


    Click to enlarge


    Ride 2


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    Ride 3


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    Ride 4


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    Ride 5


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