TheSkilledOne
Elite
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2008
- Posts
- 4,133
- Location
- Sweden
- Society
- The best soc in EU (DU)
- Avatar Name
- Emil The SkilledOne
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EF Competition: The Last Man Standing!!
- Thread starter Congadawg
- Start date
- Status
Pepto
Prowler
- Joined
- May 1, 2009
- Posts
- 1,194
- Location
- South Africa
- Society
- Freelancer
- Avatar Name
- Jason Pepto Amsterdam
A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor.
"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my brother."
"Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your brother a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "He's a flute player in the local symphony and he's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor.
"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my brother."
"Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your brother a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "He's a flute player in the local symphony and he's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."
Pepto
Prowler
- Joined
- May 1, 2009
- Posts
- 1,194
- Location
- South Africa
- Society
- Freelancer
- Avatar Name
- Jason Pepto Amsterdam
Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men.... that night. All three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes . After a few days they meet again.....
The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.'
The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'
The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner ?'
The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.'
The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'
The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner ?'
ThunderCat
Prowler
- Joined
- May 30, 2006
- Posts
- 1,200
- Location
- Romania
- Society
- The Prophecy
- Avatar Name
- Thunder ThunderCat Cat
"Oh no"
"I know"
"I know"
lol what??
No, memememememememememememememememee!
amandaboo12
Prowler
- Joined
- May 16, 2008
- Posts
- 1,008
- Location
- Colorado, US
- Society
- pyrates of calypso
- Avatar Name
- Amanda mandy boo
I laughed out loud!!!!!
Good morning by the way everyone
Hello AmandaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Pepto
Prowler
- Joined
- May 1, 2009
- Posts
- 1,194
- Location
- South Africa
- Society
- Freelancer
- Avatar Name
- Jason Pepto Amsterdam
Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
Pepto
Prowler
- Joined
- May 1, 2009
- Posts
- 1,194
- Location
- South Africa
- Society
- Freelancer
- Avatar Name
- Jason Pepto Amsterdam
An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to
last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was
concerned that he was disappointing his new lover,so he called his doctor
for advice. The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last
longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck
over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew
closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut
and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.
last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was
concerned that he was disappointing his new lover,so he called his doctor
for advice. The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last
longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck
over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew
closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut
and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.
amandaboo12
Prowler
- Joined
- May 16, 2008
- Posts
- 1,008
- Location
- Colorado, US
- Society
- pyrates of calypso
- Avatar Name
- Amanda mandy boo
Lmao Pepto!!!! Great jokes
IT's ALL YOU WANT! MROE MROE MORE!!! =(((((
me too
.... now.... More More More!!!!
Thalion
Prowler
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2008
- Posts
- 1,352
- Location
- your best mining spot
- Society
- RELICS
- Avatar Name
- Thalion Jas Draug
Just popped in to say that the loots online are amazing! Get your GCs and log in! I've heard it will last next 48hours and everyone can get some cool iteam, a hof or two or even a tower!
So stop spamming this thread and get online!
oh yes, and don't post after that post, that brings bad luck online Leave it as the very last and don't post!
So stop spamming this thread and get online!
oh yes, and don't post after that post, that brings bad luck online
Leave it as the very last and don't post!Just popped in to say that the loots online are amazing! Get your GCs and log in! I've heard it will last next 48hours and everyone can get some cool iteam, a hof or two or even a tower!
So stop spamming this thread and get online!
oh yes, and don't post after that post, that brings bad luck online
after wich post?
- Status