Vortexy's Diary

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Work in real life has been piling. Coupled with my recent bad run has put me off EU for a few days. Will try to get back into the game once all are settled. Sold come of my unused items at storage but most of them has yet to even make the date of collection.

Daughter has taken up playing play station. That will keep her occupied while I do my work and read newspapers. Son still cranky as ever. Must be from my wife's side.


Getting Fat

A woman was six months pregnant with her third child,
when her three-year-old came into the room when she
was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said,
"Mommy, you are getting fat!" The mother replied, "Yes,
honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," the child replied, "but what's growing in
your butt?"


3 Dogs at the Vet

3 dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vet's office.
One is a Poodle, one is a Schnauzer and the other is
a Great Dane.

The Poodle turns to the Schnauzer and asks, "Why are
you here?"

The Schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't
see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in
the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he
brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Schnauzer asks the poodle, "Why are you here?"

The Poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately.
I've been especially high strung. I've been barking
all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even
bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this
has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me
biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put
to sleep."

The Poodle and Schnauzer ask the Great Dane why he is
here.

The Great Dane responds, "My owner is this beautiful
runway model. Yesterday she was walking around the
house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick up something
she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature
took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her
doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself. "

The Poodle asks, "So your owner brought you here to
be put to sleep?"

The Great Dane says, "No, I'm just here to get my nails
trimmed."


The Model

Doris & Fred had started their retirement years and
decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for
a lodger in their 2 up 2 down terrace house. After a
few days a young attractive woman applied for the room
and explained that she was a model, working in a nearby
Manchester studio for a few weeks and that she would
like the room Monday through Thursdays, but would pay
for the whole week. Doris showed her the house and
they agreed to start right away. "There's just one
problem," explained the model. "Because of my job I
have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't
have a bath." "That's not a problem," replied Doris.
"We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it
in to the living room, in front of the fire, and fill
it with hot water." "What about your husband?" asked
the model. "Oh, he plays darts most weekdays so he will
be out in the evenings," replied Doris. "Good," replied
the model, "I'll go to the studio and see you tonight."
That evening Fred dutifully went to his darts match
while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping,
the model stepped into the bath and Doris was amazed
to see that she had no pubic hair. The model noticed
Doris's staring eyes, smiled and explained that it is
part of her job to shave her pussy, especially when
modeling swimwear or underclothes. Later when Fred returned
Doris related this oddity; he didn't believe her. "It's
true, I tell you," said Doris, "Look, if you don't believe
me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly
open and you can peek in and see for yourself." The
next night Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the
bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into
the bath, Doris, standing behind her, looked towards
the curtains, and pointed towards the model's naked
pussy. She then lifted up her own skirt and, wearing
no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass. Later Fred
returned and they retired to bed. "Well, do you believe
me now?" she asked him. "Yes," he replied. "I've never
seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift
up your skirt and show your hairy twat?" "Just to show
you the difference," answered Doris. "Anyway, you've
seen my pussy millions of times." "Sure, I have," replied
Fred, "but until tonight, the rest of the friggin' dart
team hasn't!"

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Met a few players from Malaysia recently. Bheema the crafter wannabe hails from the same state. It is fun that we meet people from the same country to share our common goals and mission. My brother Franklon is doing not bad himself.

Crafting seems to be my new hobby. Noticed a few other players have taken up crafting too. Hopefully will make 'it' soon.

Come on MA, I need a ATH!

Pelvic Exam

A woman goes into the gynecologist for her first pelvic
exam. Feeling a little uncomfortable, the woman slowly
undresses, covers herself with a sheet, and then crawls
up onto the examining table. The doctor walks in and
orders the woman to put her feet into the stirrups.
The woman obeys, and the doctor pulls up a stool and
starts the examination. After a few minutes the woman
asks, "Is everything OK, doc?" The doctor replies,
"God! You have a huge vagina!" The woman, feeling completely
humiliated, says, "Well, you didn't have to say it twice!"
The doctor looks up and says, "I didn't!"

40 Year Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me
the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce
you man and wife."

Intelligence Source

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad,
where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The Father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten
it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine,"

Clintons Parrot

While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea were vacationing at
Camp David the housekeeper was tasked with looking after
their pet parrot. They hadn't been gone for more than
a couple of days when the parrot was found dead in the
bottom of it's cage.

The housekeeper knew the first family would be desolate
at the loss of one of their family pets, so she set
out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly every
pet store in Washington.

After nearly two days of looking no-stop, she came across
an almost exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased
the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird
had previously be owned by a Madam and had lived for
several years in a house of ill-repute.

The housekeeper replied that no one would ever know
and she took the bird back to the White House.

The morning after the Clintons return to the White House,
Chelsea walked through the room and the bird said,
"Too young."

A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird
responded with, "Too old."

Late that afternoon the President entered the room and
the bird said, "HI, BILL!"

Monday, October 9, 2006

Damn... my good run of crafting ore amps 101(L) has finally ended. MA made it less 'likely' to global. My longest was 130+ clicks without a global (but got some residues on the way). That was the darkest day of my crafting career after a good 2.65k hof (of which half was Franklon's) and a 1.2k hof. I spent like 1.9k that day to get 3 x 100+ ped globals. Well... as some says, "Easy come, Easy go".

Thought of trying the 102s but a look at the materials set me back... wayyy back. Blau, bombs, etc.. and then i saw.. 11 ingots of Narc. Damn..

So from a healthy ped card of 2k+, I dropped to a mere 200+.

Chicken Little

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story
of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part
of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the
farmer. She read, "...and so Chicken Little went up
to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky
is falling!'" The teacher paused, then asked the class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?" One little
girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: Holy
Shit! A talking chicken!'"


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Sex before Marriage

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and values.

Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got
married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

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Mens Locker Room

A guy takes his eight-year-old daughter to a Pro Basketball
game. The daughter has to use the bathroom and the
father says you're old enough to go by yourself.

A few minutes later the daughter returns and says, "I
went to the men's locker room by mistake."

The father says, "You're old enough to read, why would
you do that?"

The daughter asks, "What is that long thing hanging
down between a man's legs?" The father is perturbed,
but says it is a penis.

The daughter then says, "What is that purple thing at
the end of the penis?"

Dad says, "That is the head of the penis."

The daughter then asks, "what are those two huge round
things about 15 inches behind the head of the penis?"
Dad says, "I don't know about the guy you saw but on
me they would be my butt cheeks."

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

By now most of you already noticed that I have left BAHQ Cadets and joined a society formed by my brother, Franklon. I must say that BAHQ abd BAHQ c was nice to me whilst I was there.

Back to crafting and hunting. Damn.. MA must be needing $$$ really bad. Though the 130 clicks in a row did not happen again (thank god!), I am getting an average 2 globals for every 40 - 50 clicks. So if those globals are 100 pedders, then I lost like 50% - 60% out of 500 peds each run.

Day at the Track

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his
wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head
with a frying pan. "What was that for?" he asked. "That
was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with
the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied. "Two
weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the
name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh
honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there
was a good explanation." Three days later he was watching
a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in
the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which
knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What
was that for?" "Your horse called."


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How to Get to Heaven

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her pet
cat lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs
in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles,
and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could,
"I'm afraid Tiddles is dead Lucy". "So why are his legs
sticking up in the air like that Daddy?" asked Lucy
as she fought back the tears. At a loss for something
to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing
straight up in the air so that it will be easier for
Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg
and lift Tiddles up to heaven".

Little Lucy seemed to take her cats death quite well.
However two days later when her father came home from
work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said, "Mummy almost
died this morning". Fearing something terrible had happened
the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean
Lucy? "Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for
work this morning I saw mummy lying on the floor with
her legs in the air and she was shouting "Oh Jesus!!!
I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it hadn't been for
the milkman holding her down she would definitely have
gone, Daddy".


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Is Your Mother Home
A door-to-door salesman rang the bell at a suburban
home, and the door was opened by a nine-year old boy
puffing on a long black cigar. Hiding his amazement,
the salesman asked the young man, "Is your Mother home?"
The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes
on the carpet, and asked, "What the hell do you think?"

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Saw the new ATH #1 on umbranoid worker. Phew! That is a lot of peds for a small mob. Gratz anyway. This proves that you don't need to hunt big mobs for a ATH. Though I have yet to get mine.

Crafting has 'bleeded' my peds to a near 0.00. MA gives and it takes back fast. Will switch to hunting temporarily until something else comes up.

Sheep Herder

A sheep herder made it in to San Antonio, Texas, after 10 years in the bush. He found a saloon and approached the bar tender. He told the bartender "I need a woman."

The bartender said, "There are women all over San Antone for a price."

The sheep herder replied, "Just any woman won't do. I ain't fucked nuthin' but goats 'n sheep for the last ten years. They got cockle burrs 'n mesquite thorns around their pussy and my old dick is tough
with calluses on it, and I need a good tough piece of ass."

So the bartender tells him, "Well, you're in luck. The toughest broad in all San Antonio has a room right up stairs." The bartender picks up the phone contacts the lady, explains the situation, and tells the sheep herder to go on up.

The sheep herder gets a small ice bucket with two Lone Star long necks (the favorite brew in San Antone), and proceeds up the stairs.
When he gets to the room he says, "The barkeep told me you are the toughest broad in town."

The lady is livid, and says, "Well he's a lyin' son of a bitch. I'm the toughest broad in Texas, and probably in the whole United States."

Excitedly, the sheep herder says, "Well, you're just what I'm looking for.
He then turned and leaned over to set the bucket of beer on the coffee table.

Just then, the woman threw her skirt up around her waist and bent over and grabbed her ankles. Her brown eye was looking him right in the eyeball.

A bit surprised, the sheep herder says, "Damn, baby. I know you're tough, but I don't wanna do ya that way."

To which the wench replies, "Who said any thing about that? I thought you wanted to open your damn beers."

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Hunting Season

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke
up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He
walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and
to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there,
fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly
decides to take her along.

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just
outside of San Marcos, Texas.

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand
and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim
on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the
shot".

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that
Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.

Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears
an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running
back.

As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming:
"Get the hell away from my deer!"

Confused and frightened Jake races faster towards his
screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the
hell away from my deer!" followed by another volley
of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake
is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in
the air.

The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady!
You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle
off it!

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Friday, October 13, 2006

Cape Corinth getting suckier for crafting. There is this theory that crafting pool is based on area. Gonna test that theory pretty soon. Entropia Asia got 6 application already.

Not bad but have yet to meet the last 2 applicants.

Yearly Checkup

Hilary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When
she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things
looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great
shape, but she was pregnant. She told the doctor there
was no way, but he said that she most definitely was
a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office
and went to the receptionist and took the phone and
called the White House. When the operator answered
she said that it was Hilary and that she wanted to talk
to Bill right away. They rang the oval office, Bill
answered and Hilary said, "I can't believe it! I'm
pregnant! You got me pregnant!!" The President remained
silent. Again, Hilary screamed, "I'M PREGNANT! YOU
GOT ME PREGNANT!!" Finally Bill answered, "Who is
this???"


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Latex Products

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces
various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown
the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The
machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is
the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the
guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole
in the end of the nipple." Later, the tour reaches the
part of the factory where condoms are manufactured.
The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise.
"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand
what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every
so often?" "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle
nipple machine," says the guide, "It pokes a hole in
every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for
the condoms!", says the man. "Yeah," replies the guide,
"but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Sexual Frequency

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American
on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men
began discussing their home lives.

"Last night, I made love to my wife four times," the
Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious
crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the
Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful
omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly
asked, "And how many times did you make love to your
wife last night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what
did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."

Monday, October 16, 2006

The new soc Entropia Asia is growing steadily. So far we have Malaysians, Singaporeans, Australians, Canadians and another 2 new members that I am not sure. Loots seems to be improving for hunters so the next few days I think I will stop crafting and start hunting again.

The Boss

WHEN THE BODY WAS FIRST MADE ALL ITS PARTS WANTED TO
BE BOSS...

THE BRAIN SAID: Since I control everything and do all
the work I should be boss.

THE FEET SAID: Since I carry man where he wants to
go and get him to do what the Brain wants, I should
be boss.

THE HANDS SAID: Since I must do all the work and earn
all the money to keep all the rest of you going, I
should be boss.

THE EYES SAID: Since I must look out for all of you
and tell you where danger lurks, I should be boss.

And so it went with the Heart, the Ears, and the Lungs.
Finally the Asshole spoke up and demanded that he be
boss. All the other parts laughed and laughed at the
idea of an asshole being boss.

The Asshole was so angered that he blocked himself off
and refused to function. Soon the Brain was feverish,
the Eyes crossed and ached, the Feet were too weak to
walk, the Hands hung limply at his side, the Heart and
Lungs struggled to keep going.

All pleaded with the Brain to relent and let the Asshole
be boss, and so it happened. All parts did the work
and the Asshole just bossed and passed out a lot of
shit.

MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be boss, just
an Asshole.

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Headaches

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with
no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred
to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor
asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I get
these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across
my scalp and..". He is interrupted by the doctor, "And
a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist,
you know. But I myself suffered from that same type
of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension
in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every
day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she
would squeeze her legs together with all her strength
and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head.
Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let
me know how it goes". Two weeks go by and the man is
back, "Well, how do you feel?"

"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache
since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough.
And, by the way you have a lovely home."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Goobers

A vacuum cleaner salesman is visiting with an elderly
woman about his product and doing his demonstration
when he notices a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table.
He eats a few peanuts, he vacuums, and then eats few
more peanuts. He shows her some attachments, eats a
few more peanuts, talks about the price and then eats
a few more peanuts until they are all gone. When he
realizes that he has eaten all of them he says, "Oh
my, what I have done? I'll go buy you some more." She
says, "That's ok, since I lost my dentures, I can only
suck the chocolate off of them."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

The Penguin

A penguin was driving through the desert when his car
broke down. He waddled to the nearest phone to call
AAA. His car was quickly towed to the nearest garage
where the mechanic told him he would need a couple of
hours to check out the car. The penguin, being a good-
natured bird, didn't complain but wandered off to find
the closest supermarket. He proceeded to the frozen
foods section and hung out near the fish sticks. After
an hour he got in the freezer next to the vanilla ice
cream and ate several gallons. Then he saw the time
and went back to the garage covered in ice cream. The
mechanic walked over to him wiping his hands and shaking
his head saying, "It looks like you blew a seal." Blushing,
the penguin said, "Oh no! It's just ice cream."

Friday, October 20, 2006

This week hunting seems to be paying off pretty well. Keep on returning with an average 130% loot. A nice change instead of losing tonnes to the one arm bandit.



Woman

Here's to woman,
that beautiful vine,
She blooms once a month,
and bears once in nine.

She's the only creature,
this side of hell,
That can take juice from a nut,
without breaking the shell.

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Mortician and the Shrimp

One mortician calls the other in to look at newly arrived
body. "Hey, Joe! You've got to see this.", says Chester.
"You know that good looking blonde they just brought
in…well she has a shrimp stuck up in her pussy"

"This I've got to see." responds Joe.

After examining the body Joe says, "That's not a shrimp
Chester."

"Its not? Well what the hell is it?" asks Chester.

"Its her clit." says Joe.

To which Chester replies, "Well it sure tastes like
shrimp."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Three-Kick-Rule

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural
Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into
a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the
lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove
up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell
into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you
are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial
attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that
duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't
know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements
like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."

The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times
and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and
forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest
and decided that he could easily take the old codger.
He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer
slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of
his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped
him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the
man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on
this belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney
nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed
to get to his feet and said, "OK, you old coot! now,
it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "No
I give up, you can have the duck.

Pit Stop

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Baby Knows All

A baby was born to a couple. When he was one, he could
talk like an adult. When he was two, he could read anything.
When he was three, he could do advanced calculus. When
he was four, he could predict the future.

One day, he made three predictions: "One year from today,
I will die. Two years from today, my mother will die.
Three years from today, my father will die."

Sure enough, a year later the young boy died.

The father, getting the picture in a big way, loaded
up his wife with a million dollars in life insurance.
A year later she died.

The father collected the million dollar insurance benefit,
and, figuring he only had a year before his own death,
went on a 364-day binge...Fast cars, faster women, exotic
vacations, and flings with supermodels.

His timing was perfect, for on the 364th day, he blew
the last penny on a Blue Sapphire martini and an exotic
dancer with a taste for overpriced champagne and sexy
lingerie.

At midnight, he toasted himself, "What a way to go,"
and slipped off into what he assumed would be his big
sleep.

To his amazement, he woke up the next morning. He had
cheated death! He was invincible!

Then the exotic dancer with whom he'd spend the night
broke the news. "Honey, better come quick, the pool
boy's dead."

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Hunting was paying quite well @ 120% of cost but I blew it all on crafting. Looks like MA really nerved the oreamps 101 globals.

Soc wise, growing quite rapidly with majority of players from Singapore and Malaysia. Even got a husband and wife tag team (reminds me of Lykke and Viagrafalls).

MS Tech at Bootcamp

One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent
to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some
instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several
shots at the target. The report came from the target
area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the
target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then
at the target again. He put his finger over the end
of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his
other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon
he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here
just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"

Drunk architect
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Helicopter Crash

In Virginia a helicopter was cruising fast at tree top
level when the engine quit, too low to auto-rotate,
the helicopter plunged into a small lake where three
boys happened to be fishing.

The boys who were at the lake saw the whole thing happen.
They swan to the site of the crash, looked in the wreckage
and saw that the pilot and copilot were both dead. The
lone passenger was unconscious and barely alive. They
pulled him out, took him to shore, and gave him artificial
respiration - saving his life.

Within a few minutes there were several helicopters
circling the area and one of them landed. A guy got
out who seemed to be in charge and came up to the boys,
he congratulated them for saving President Clinton!

"Boys," said the man, "you just saved the leader of
our country! You each deserve a reward. You name it,
and I'll give it to you."

The first boy said, "I really want a pair of Nike Air
Jordan's."

The man replied, "Michael Jordan is a close personal
friend of mine. I'll get everyone in your family 10
pairs of Nike's each."

The second boy said, "I'd like to go to Disneyland."

The man said, "I know Michael Eisner very well. I'll
see that your entire family has an all expense paid
trip to Disneyland."

The man turns to the third boy and asked what he would
like.

The boy answered saying, "I'd like a mahogany wood coffin,
bagpipe music and a fly over by the Thunderbirds at
my funeral service."

"Funeral service?" asked the puzzled man. "What in
the world are you talking about?"

The kid replied "When my father finds out who I saved
he's going to kill me!"

No. 15 gets a feely..

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Rent for Apartment

A man met a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the
night with him for $500. In the morning, before he
left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash
with him, but that he would have his secretary write
a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent
for Apartment." On the way to the office, he regretted
what he had done, realizing that the whole event was
not worth the price. So, he sent a check for $250 and
enclosed a note: "Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find
a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when
I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:

1. It had never been occupied;

2. There was plenty of heat;

3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously
occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was
entirely too large." Upon receipt of the note, the girl
immediately sent back the following reply: "Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such
a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how
to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is
indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord."

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Damn poor so had to sell my beloved bp that got me a few HoFs.

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Hope my hunting luck will change by then.

The Sheik

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day,
they came upon this harem with over 100 beautiful women.
They started getting friendly with all the women, when
suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all
these women. No one else can touch them except me.
You three men must pay for what you have done today.
You will each be punished, and in a way corresponding
to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he
does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man.
"Alright, shoot his penis off!", said the sheik. He
then turned to the second man and asked him what he
did for a living. "I'm a fireman", said the second man.
"Alright, burn his penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you
do for a living?" And the third man answered, with
a big smile on his face, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"


Worse job in town
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


Cremated Lover

There was this gay guy who had just passed away. His
body was going to be cremated. He had 3 lovers. All
of his lovers decided to split up the ashes so they
could each mourn the man in their own special way.

The 1st lover asks the 2nd lover, "What are you going
to do with his ashes?" he replies, "I'm going to take
them up to the lake where we always would go for some
quiet time together and sprinkle his ashes on the lake."
"Oh, that sounds nice.", says the 1st lover.

The 1st lover then asks the 3rd lover, "What are you
going to do with his ashes?" The 3rd lover replies,
"Well, I think I'm going to keep them on my mantle so
he can be with me always." "Oh, that's so sweet!", says
the 1st lover.

Then the 2nd and 3rd lover both ask the 1st lover, "Well,
what are you going to do with his ashes?" The 1st lover
responds, "Well, I'm going to sprinkle them on my chili
tonight so he can tear my ass up one more time!"

First Kiss
[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Headphones

A blonde walks into a barber shop with headphones on.
She tells the barber what cut she wants, but that he
has to cut around her headphones. The barber looks a
little puzzled but agrees. So, he starts cutting the
best he can but accidently he knocks the headphones
off. Within a few seconds the girl dies. Very startled,
the man walks over and picks up the headphones and hears,
"breathe in, breathe out."

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Things have taken a twist for the worse. Franklon, Bheema and I all lost hundreds of peds through crafting and hunting. The only thing that we heard are stable is mining.

Soc wise we are growing. Have a couple of Australians joining us who are friendly and active. Majority is still from Singapore. Few got promoted up the ranks and we might set a prerequisite joining stats next year.

Mermaid and the Farm Boys

On a farm out in the country, lived a man and a woman
and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke.
While looking out the window toward the pasture, she
saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the
field. The situation looked hopeless to her - how could
she possibly continue to feed her family now? In a
depressed state of mind, she hung herself.

When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as
the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the
situation, and he shot himself in the head.

The oldest son woke to discover his parents dead (and
the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and
drown himself. When he reached the river, he discovered
a mermaid sitting on the bank.

She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your
despair. But if you will have sex with me five times
in a row, then I will restore your parents and the cow
to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times,
he was simply unable to get it up again. So the mermaid
drowned him in the river.

The second oldest son woke up. After discovering what
had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the
river.

The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with
me ten times in a row, then I will make everything right."
And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it
was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned
him in the river.

The youngest son woke up, saw his parents dead, the
dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided
that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down
to the river to throw himself in. And there he also
met the mermaid.

"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything
right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times
in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty
times in a row?" The mermaid was somewhat taken aback
by this request.

Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a
row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his
request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have
sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring
everybody back to perfect health."

Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that
thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the
cow?

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Bedroom Keyhole

A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle
of the night.

As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through
the keyhole. He watches for a moment, then continues
on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she
gets mad at me for sucking my thumb"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Sex Contest

There were two friends. One evening, they were in a
bar arguing over which of them could have sex the most
times in one night. They decided to settle the issue
by going to the local whorehouse for the evening. So
they got to the whorehouse, paired off with a couple
of the ladies, and went to their respective rooms.

The first guy energetically balled his whore and, reaching
up with a pencil, marked a line on the wall. Then he
fell asleep. He woke up in a couple of hours and screwed
the whore again, albeit a little less enthusiastically.
Again, he reached back and marked a line on the wall.
Again, he fell asleep. He woke up again in a couple
of hours and lethargically humped the hooker again.
He drowsily marked a third line on the wall and fell
asleep for the rest of the night.

The next morning, his friend barged into the room to
see how he did. He took one look at the wall and exclaimed,
"A hundred and eleven? Damn! You beat me by three!"


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Monday, November 13, 2006

Sold some items via EF (cheaper too) Hope with the new found peds (800 in total ) a Hof of 2k will come out of it. Our soc is really bonding as a single family. Loads of caring, TP running, hunting are going on.

Punk Rocker

A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got
spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple, and
orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather and
rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His
entire face and body are riddled with piercings and
his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down
in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old
man who just glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally,
the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man,
"What are you looking at you old fart? Didn't you ever
do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing
a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah! Back when I was
young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night
in Singapore and I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe
you were my son."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

5 Whiskey Shots

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be
buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with five whiskey shots, and
make 'em doubles." The bartender does this and watches
the man slug one down, then the next, then the next,
and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly
as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender
asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink 'em this fast too if you had what I have.",
said the man.

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man drunkenly replies, "I have a dollar."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

The Pet Frog

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend a
pet. After looking around she realized that all the
pets there were very expensive. A clerk came up and
asked if there's something he could help her with.

"I wanted to buy my boyfriend a pet, but all of yours
are so expensive!" She says.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the
back for $50.00.
Would you like to see it?"

"$50.00?? For a Frog??" said the woman.

The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It's gives blowjobs."

So, the woman decides to buy the frog. She takes it
home to her boyfriend, explains the frog and they're
both happy. The woman goes to bed. Around two in the
morning she is awakened by pots and pans banging around
in the kitchen. She gets up to go see what's going
on and when she gets to the kitchen she sees her boyfriend
and the frog sitting at the kitchen table looking through
cookbooks.

"What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at
this hour?" says the woman.

The guy looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach
this frog to cook, your ass is out of here!!!"

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Sold some rifle skills (left 4k) and all my mining skills. Managed to raised 1k peds. Spent like 600 on crafting and 400 on hunting... and now left 100 peds. Seems like this time luck is not on my side. When I stopped hunting estos they global. Then I stopped crafting ore amps they hof like mad. :Confused:



Monkey and the Poolball

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.
The guy sits at the bar, and starts talking to the bartender.
While they're talking, the monkey walks over to the
pool table, and eats one of the pool balls.

The bartender says to the guy, "What's wrong with your
monkey? He just ate one of the pool balls!"

The guy replies, "I can't help it. He eats anything
and everything, and there doesn't seem to be a thing
I can do to stop it." He then picks up the monkey,
and leaves.

A few days later, the guy shows up at the bar and again,
he's got the monkey with him. This time, the monkey
sits down at the bar, grabs a peanut from a dish, sticks
it up his butt, then pulls it back out and eats it.

The bartender says to the guy, "What the heck is he
doing now?" The guy answers, "He still pretty much eats
everything, but after the ball incident a few days ago,
he checks to make sure it will fit before he eats it."

http://aistigave.hit.bg/Logistics/

Kittens

Al Gore was jogging down the streets of Washington D.C.
one day when he came across a young boy looking at something
in a box. Al decided to stop and talk to the boy. Al
asked the young man," What are you looking at?" and
the young boy replied, " I am looking at my new kittens".
That is really terrific young man, what are their names?
At that the young boy replied, "I call them Democrats".
That is wonderful young man, it is good to see someone
so young know so much about politics. Well said Al,
I have to be going now see you later. The little boy
said goodbye and Al Gore left to continue jogging.
The next day Al went jogging again and this time he
brought Bill Clinton with him. Al had told Bill about
the young boy and his kittens, and wanted to jog on
the same street. Sure enough the little boy was there
with his box and his kittens. As the two men approached,
the little boy said "Hi Mr. Vice-President, did you
come back to see my kittens?" Al replied, "Why yes I
did, and I brought the President with me this time,
now son tell us again what you named these kittens."
The little boy said, "Sure! I call them Republicans."
Al Gore was stunned, he asked the little boy, "Why
do you call them Republicans today, and just yesterday
they were Democrats?" "Well," said the little boy "they
have their eyes open today".

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Crafting seems to be hoffing good these days though not for me. Still waiting for that 5 digit HoF. Our soc is progressing well. Saw the competition and thought wow, this could be a chance to actually own something unique / valuable. But seeing other contestant's videos (especially the one by Helius - BAHQ General) I was thinking.... those people are professional programmers/software engineers. What chance do I have (human resource background)?


Crush on Santa

Santa started down a chimney on Christmas Eve. Little
did he know waiting inside was a woman who has had a
crush on him for some time. She had planned ahead this
year, she was waiting on him in a sexy teddy. Santa
came sliding down the chimney, he looked up and the
woman said, "Santa can you stay?" Santa replied, "Ho,
ho, ho Santa's gotta go got to deliver presents to all
the children you know." The woman slid one side of
her teddy off and asked Santa again, "Can you stay Santa?"
Once again Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho Santa's gotta go
gotta deliver presents to all the children you know."
The woman took the rest of the teddy off, and asked
him again, "Santa can you stay now?" Santa replied,
"Ho, ho, ho Santa's gotta stay cant go up the chimney
with my dick this way".


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

First Jump

A man is on his first parachute jump. He jumps out
of the plane and counts 1 2 3 and pulls the main cord.
Nothing happens. He pulls on his emergency cord, again
nothing happens. Looking around desperately the man
notices another man flying UP into the air. He hollers
to him "do you know anything about parachutes?" "No"
he replies. "Do you know anything about gas furnaces?"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Rodeo Position

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their
favorite sex positions:

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says
the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, its when you get your mate down on all fours,
and you mount her from behind. You then reach around
and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and then
you whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your
sister's', and then you try to hold on for 8 seconds."

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Man... news haven't been all that good. I have survived with just USD 10 for 3 years + (with 2 1k+ hof and a 3k+ HoF) but just the last 2 months i had to deposit around USD 50 just to survive. I learnt a big lesson... Better to be master of one then Jack of all trades. Might relook into my strategy after taking into account the investment and potential of each field (hunting / mining / crafting).

Sloppy Drunk

There was a guy who had never learned to hold his liquor
very well and usually puked down the front of his suit
well before he got home. One evening, he was talking
to a friend and said, "My wife said that if I come home
covered in puke one more time that she is never going
to let me go out drinking again. What am I going to
do?"

His friend advised him to keep a $10 bill in his jacket
pocket and to tell his wife that someone else had done
it and then given him the money to have his suit cleaned.

The following morning, the wife discovered the suit
covered in dried vomit and started to make threats about
cutting her man off from drinking. "But, sweetheart,
it was a guy at the pub that did that. He gave me $10
to have it cleaned; look in my jacket pocket if you
don't believe me".

The wife said "Do you know the man who did this?"

"Yeah, I think so" replied the husband "Why?"

"You might want to get some more money off him. He's
managed to shit in your pants as well".

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


Pure Polar Bear

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad,
am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are
son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear,
your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all
polar bear."

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and
asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of
course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father
is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and
his parents are all polar bear."

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his
grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all
polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you
are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all
polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents
are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?"

The baby polar bears replies, "Because I'm fucking freezing!"

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Took a disciple (Krayzer) who is also from Malaysia yesterday. Hope this one will graduate compared to the remaining 20 still pending (highest was 88% but haven't seen him on for a year). Since he is taking the non-deposit route, will have to wait until he gathers some amount of sweat before I pass him the armors and weapons. Chang has been a great help in bringing him around as my PC is a little too laggy for highly populated towns.

Trying for a Son

There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly
beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one
last time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and
sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby
boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see
his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see
the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that
he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two
beautiful daughters I fathered."

Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been
fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


Wife and the Mistress

Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them
are really taking their time and are slowing the men
up. So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask
those ladies if we can play through." He starts walking,
but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets
back, his friend asks what happened. He replies, "One
of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress.
Why don't you go talk to them?" So the second man starts
to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"
To this he replies, "Small world."


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

500 Bucks

A man and wife were taking a shower when the doorbell
rang. The wife says, "I'll get it" and wraps a towel
around her. She opens the door and sees that it's her
nextdoor neighbor. The neighbor notices that she's in
her towel and says, "Damn your fine! I'll give you $500
right now if you'll open your towel and let me get a
good look at that beautiful body of yours" She says,
"$500? Right now?" He says, "Yeah right now." She agrees
and opens her towel and lets him get a real good look.
He hands her the $500 and goes back home. She gets back
in the shower and her husband asks who was at the door
and she says that it was the nextdoor neighbor. He said,
"Cool! Did he have my 500 bucks?"

I learn...

Thought Of The Day

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her.

She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.


Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him.


Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."


This is how human brain changes when the status changed.


Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Wow.. MA is really toying with me. Been hunting with a 50 ped ammo/armor & weapon decay for like 20 rounds already at Limnadian and Hadeshiem Outpost. Usually will hunt till the last ped then... bang! a 40 pedder... same process again and again. Driving me nuts!

Crafting not that good also. Ore amps 101 not hoffing that much anymore. Gotta find a other loop hole .

Real life been very busy. With two kids, a job that requires traveling and PE, time is stretched to the limit.

Ladies Night

The other day, my friends and I went to a ladies night
club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of
us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer
came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck
it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a $20 bill.
She called the guy back over, licked the $20 bill, and
stuck it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third
friend pulled out a $50 bill and called the guy over.
I was worried about the way things were going, but she
licked the bill and just stuck it to one of his butt
cheeks again.

My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things were
going, the guy gyrated over to me! Now everyone's attention
was focused on me, and the guy was egging me on to try
and top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached
for my wallet. What could I do? I got out my ATM card,
swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80
bucks, and went home.

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Little Guy

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking,
minding his own business when all of a sudden this great
big guy comes in and --WHACK!!-- knocks him clean off
the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says,
"That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy
thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and
starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK--
the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was
a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough
of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly
leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when
he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind
the big idiot and --Bong!!!"--bangs the big guy off
his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy
looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to,
tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Smartass Customer

The waitress was waiting as patiently as she could while
a smartass customer was dawdling over the breakfast
menu. He tells the waitress, "I never return to a restaurant
unless at least one of the sausages I'm served is a
match in size to my own."

The waitress replied, "In that case, sir, perhaps you
should take a look at the children's menu."


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

How Old Am I

Young 13 years-old Jenny woke up one morning wondering
about her age. Her grandparents have been staying at
her house for a week, and so she went to her grandmother.

"Grandma?" said Jenny. "Yes Dear?" replied her grandmother.

"How old am I?" asked Jenny. "Well, honey..." replied
the grandmother, and after a few moments of thinking
she answered - "You're 13."

"Wow grandma! How did you find that out?" wondered Jenny.

"Well, Jenny, last year you celebrated your 12th birthday,
so I made the math and reckoned you're now 13."

"Thank you grandma! You're so smart!" Said Jenny, and
headed off to her grandfather.

"Grandpa, grandpa, how old am I?" asked Jenny.

"Well, Jenny...." Said the grandfather, and after a
few moments of thinking said- "Take off your blouse...".
So Jenny took off her blouse.

"Now take off your pants." said the grandfather. Jenny
took off her pants with a bewildered look.

"Now your bra" said the grandfather. Jenny took off
her bra, staying topless.

"And your panties" said the grandfather. Jenny took
off her panties, now completely naked.

The grandfather examined her for a few minutes and then
said- "Well, Jenny, you're 13!"

"Wow grandpa!, " Said Jenny, amazed, "How could you
tell?"

"I heard grandma." said the grandfather.

Thought Of The Day

When you feel like giving up, it's a very good sign that you're truly making progress. So by all means keep going.
Eventually you're going to reach the point where just one more attempt, one more effort will bring real success. What a shame it would be to give up just as you reached that point.

You do not know what the next effort will bring because the future is not based on the past. That feeling of wanting to give up is based solely on the past, which really doesn't matter any more. What matters now is where you're headed, not where you've been. And when you view it from that perspective, giving up is simply not an option.

Success is always achieved after one last effort. You're working your way toward that point, and you may very well already be there, ready to make that very effort.

So keep going, keep making the effort, no matter what has happened before. Somewhere up ahead is that one more effort, the one that will take you all the way to where you want to be.


You cannot stop the sun from rising or even hold it back for a fraction of a second. Yet you can control where you'll be and what you'll be doing at the instant that it makes its appearance. Often you have no control over the many things that come your way. Yet you always have control over what you do about them.
Today, things will happen that you did not plan for, that you did not cause, that you did not anticipate. You can fight against them, building up a wall of resentment and frustration that will stop you cold, or you can adjust to them and continue on your way.

Long ago you learned to adjust to the time of the sunrise each day, to the movement of this massive planet as it spins through space. Certainly you have the ability to deal with all the other things outside your control, both great and small, which will come your way.

For everything that can bring you down, there's a positive response that will lift you up above it. The challenge of successful living is to find that empowering response. And steadily follow it toward where you want to be.

When you give joy to others, you cannot possibly avoid experiencing that joy yourself. When you teach others, you cannot help but learn in a profound and substantial way.
You cannot force anyone to understand you. Yet when you genuinely seek to understand, you will indeed be understood. The best way to get your point across is not by shouting. It is by listening first that you will know how to most effectively and convincingly speak.

The most self-serving thing you can do is to serve others. That wonderful paradox is the basis for civilization in it's greatest and most benevolent form.

The more positively your life affects others, the more brilliantly is it reflected back to you. If you're feeling a little down, offer your love, your kindness, your time, your attention to someone else. And you'll lift up at least two people in the process.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Got myself a enw disciple (Mr Krayzer). So far he is at 3% and skilling on pistols. Hope to be online more to help him as much as I can. In the mean time, hope the pixie/rascal armor combo and the tt pistol will help him get through. Lukily he is in Entropia Asia... loads of helpful socmates around to complement me in my absence.


Cannot Explain

A farmer was sitting in a bar getting drunk. A man came
in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here
on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things
you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?", the man asked
as he sat down next to the farmer. "Well," the farmer
said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just
as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and
kicked over the bucket."

"Okay",said the man "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the
left. Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her.
Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg
and kicked over the bucket."

The man laughed and said, "Again?"

The farmer replied,"Some things you just can't explain.
I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post
on the right. Well I sat back down and began milking
her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid
cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things
you just can't explain"

"So, what did you do?" the man asked.

"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope,
so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.
At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked
in...Some things you just can't explain."


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Chinese Newlyweds

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin.

Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.

On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed
sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to
her and tries to be reassuring:

"My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firt time and you
berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you
want, I do anyting you want, you say. What you want?"
he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes
will impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently
(and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies
shyly and unsure, "I want ..... numba 69"

More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries ... "You want
.. Beef wif Broccori?"


[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Admission Test

Three nuns died and went to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates
they were met by St. Peter. He told them that in order
to get into Heaven they had to answer a skill testing
question. They all agreed. He asked the lst one, "Who
was the first man on earth?" She said, "Oh that's easy,"
and then she answered, "Adam." The Pearly Gates swung
open, the angels started to sing, and she flew up into
Heaven. He asked the 2nd nun, "Who was the first woman
on earth?" She said, "Oh that's easy too," and then
she said, "Eve." The Pearly Gates swung open, the angels
started to sing, and she flew up into Heaven. He asked
the 3rd one, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam."
She said, "That's a hard one, isn't it?" The Pearly
Gates swung open, the angels started to sing...

Laughter The Best Medicine

MEN ARE SO SIMPLE & WOMEN SO COMPLICATED.

At the college, male & female students were told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'

Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, then, it is spiritually and morally acceptable to the society that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one another.

Men wrote : 'I love sex.'


Weight loss programme


*A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10lb. weight loss
program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before
him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a
pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads: -
"If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought,
he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he
finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl shows
up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has
lost 10 lb. as promised.

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20
pound program. The next
day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing
but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads: -
"If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out the door after
her like a shot!
This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to
catch her but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp
and
wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens.
Much to his delight, on
the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost
another 20 lb. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?"
asks the representative on the phone -
"This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he
finds this huge, muscular, 7ft black man standing there wearing nothing
but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:-

"I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine..."

Bump

A man is in a hotel lobby and wants to ask the clerk
a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he
accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and his elbow
pokes her in the breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart
is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow,
I'm in room 436."


Stanley the Sperm

Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who
lived in a famous movie actor. Stanley was a very healthy
sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself
up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around
on their fat asses not doing a thing.

One day, one of them became curious enough to ask Stanley
why he exercised all day. Stanley said, "Look, pal,
only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and when the right
time comes I'm going to be that one."

A few days later, they all felt themselves getting hotter
and hotter, and they knew that it was getting to be
their time to go. They were released abruptly and,
sure enough, there was Stanley swimming far ahead of
all the others. All of a sudden, Stanley stopped, turned
around, and began to swim back with all of his might.
"Go back! Go back!", he screamed. "It's a blow job!"

Mind Boggling

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

! ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: !

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Hunting really sux. Average return rate is only 40% at Limnadian , 60% at Fury and 70% at Hadeisheim outpost. Only good news I got is my disciple's (Krayzer) advancement to 13%.



Seems the Christmas spirit has hit all over the world (even in virtual world of EU) So to all my fellow Entropians...

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year!​

Chinese Torture Test

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly
lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten
anything besides what he could forage and he's been
reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods.
It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see
any other buildings in the area. However, he sees
smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is
home.

He knocks on the door and an old man with a beard almost
down to the ground answers. The old man squints his
eyes and says, "What do you want?"

The man says, "I've been lost for the past three weeks
and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time.
It would be most gracious of you if I could have a meal
and sleep in your house for tonight"

The old Chinese man says, "I'll let you come in on one
condition, you cannot mess around with my granddaughter"

The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying,
"I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on
my way tomorrow morning."

The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch
you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture
tests ever known to man."

"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides,
he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live
out in the wilderness all her life?

Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after
showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was.
She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been
lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without
companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional
monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't
keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and
they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to
a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that
night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests
would be worth it after that experience."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight
on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this
huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying
"1st Chinese torture test: 100-lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself
as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened
the shutter and threw the rock out.

On the backside of the rock is another sign saying,
"2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right
testicle".

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window
to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock.

Outside the window is a third sign saying, "3rd worst
Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Newlyweds

A man and a woman decided to abstain from sex before
marriage. After making love on their wedding night,the
man looked over at his bride and noticed that she appeared
quite annoyed."What's wrong?"he asked."Well,"she said,"when
I agreed to marry you,i didn't realize that you had
such a small organ." To which the man replied,"Well,when
i agreed to marry YOU, I didn't realize that my organ
would be playing in a cathedral!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Animal Pictures

The day care teacher held up a picture and asked, "What's
this?"

"A horsy." one child answered.

"And this ?" the teacher asked the class.

"A piggy." replied another youngster.

"And now this one ?" asked the teacher, holding up a
picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack. There
was complete and total silence. "Come on now children."
she coaxed, "I'll give you a little hint. What does
your Mommie call your Daddie when he hugs and kisses
her a lot?"

"I know ! I know !!!" said one little girl. "A horny
bastard."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


No Free Rides

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance
from town, doing what guys and girls do on back roads
some distance from town.

As things really started getting hot, the girl stopped
the guy and said, "I really should have mentioned this
earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20
for sex."

The guy reluctantly paid her, and they went on with
their business.

After they finished, the guy lit up a cigarette, sat
back in the driver's seat and stared out the window.

"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm
actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is
$25."

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Woot! At least one good news this week. Won the daily lottery.



Anyway below are some pictures of my kids.

Me son



Me Daughter

Sunday, December 24, 2006

X-ms is here. Workers get their deserved rest, children gets their presents, Christians celebrate its meaning and even EU gives out christmas presents. Just to set the mood up here in EF.

Hope this Christmas comes with nice memories for all of us.


Remarriage

This guys wife asks, "Honey if I died would you remarry?"
and he replies, "Well, after a considerable period of
grieving, we all need companionship, I guess I would."
She says, "If I died and you remarried, would she live
in this house?" and he replies, "We've spent a lot of
time and money getting this house just the way we want
it. I'm not going to get rid of my house, I guess she
would." So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and
she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?"
and he says, "That bed is brand new, we just paid two
thousand dollars for it, it's going to last a long time,
I guess she would." So she asks, "If I died and you
remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in
our bed, would she use my golf clubs?" and he says,
"Oh no, she's left handed."

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Broken Dick

This guy is out on the golf course when he is hit by
a screaming drive right in his groin. He falls to the
ground, writhing in pain. Eventually, he makes it to
the doctor's office to be examined.

"How's it look Doc." he asks?

"Not too bad, says the doctor, You should be alright
in about a week."

"Thank heavens," says the guy, "I'm getting married
in a week and my fiance is a virgin in every way. I
wouldn't want to disappoint her."

The doctor takes 4 tongue depressors and wires them
into place, one on each side of the guys penis. Once
finished the contraption is quite a engineering marvel.
The guy says nothing to his fiance about what happens
and as planned gets married and goes on the honeymoon.

In the honeymoon suite his new bride opens her gown
top and displays a beautiful set of breasts. "These
are for you. No one has ever even seen them before.",
she says. The groom quickly drops his pants and proudly
states, "This is for you. And look, it's still in the
crate!"

Points To Ponder

The Fern and the Bamboo​

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my
spirituality.... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one
last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me.
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of
them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the
earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the
bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again,
nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would
not quit. The same in year four.

"Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to
the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had
spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it
what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge
it could not handle.

"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you
have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will
never quit on you.

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different
purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest, realizing that God will never give up on me. And He will
never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness; bad days give you experiences; both are
essential to life.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Christmas is over and life is back to the normal routines. Life in EU still sux as losing peds by the hour. Noticed though when there are no globals/HoF for like 5 minutes straight, that is when the loots are bad. So hunt when you see constant globals!

My average return for crafting is now quite high (might be due to the constant pouring of precious peds into it) I tried putting full condition after 3 failure/near on full quantity. Not a bad return.


No Fuck No Ride

One day a lonely truck driver was carrying a load of
live chickens. His only companion being a talking parrot.
A few miles down the road, he saw a woman hitchhiking.
So he pulled over and she climbed up into the cab. Saying
she only wanted a ride to the next town, he informed
her "no fuck, no ride." So she graciously climbed back
out of the truck. A few miles down the road he saw a
woman standing alongside the road topless. Again he
pulled over, and again the same stipulation, "no fuck,
no ride." Yet again he was turned down. Growing more
desperate, a few miles later, he came across a woman
standing completely naked. Yet again he pulled over,
gave her the rule. and she accepted! So he put the parrot
in the back, did his thing with her, dropped her off
in the next town and proceeded on his way. A mile out
of town he got pulled over by the cops. As the cop walked
up to the truck he grew nervous, fearing the cop knew
what took place. " what seems to be the problem officer?"
He asked. "Well, your driving is excellent son," he
replied," my only problem is the parrot throwing your
chickens off the back saying, 'No Fuck, No Ride.'

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]


Elderly Couple

An elderly man was visiting the doctor for a routine
check up. The doctor gives him the all clear and asked
him, "Is there anything else bothering you?" The elderly
man answered, "Well I find that the first time my wife
an I have sex im hot and sweaty afterwards, but the
second time I feel cold and chilly afterwards." The
doctor told him he couldn't explain it but would look
into it.

Later on that day the same doctor was examining the
elderly mans wife and asked her the same question, "Is
there anything else bothering you? Your husband claims
that he feels hot and sweaty after the first time you
have sex, but cold and chilly after the second time.
Can you explain?" "That stupid bastard," the woman
answered. "That's because the first time is usually
in July and the second time is in December!"

[br]Click to enlarge[/br]

Pregnant Woman Gets Shot

A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at
the first available teller. Just at that moment the
bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the
stomach. She gets rushed to the hospital where she gets
fixed up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her
baby. The doctor says, "You're going to have triplets.
They're fine but each one has a bullet lodged in its
stomach. Don't worry though the bullets will pass through
their system through normal metabolism."

As time goes on the woman has three children. Two girls
and a boy.

Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her
mother and says, "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing".
Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies,
"I passed a bullet into the toilet". The woman comforts
her and explains all about the incident at the bank.
A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her
with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mommy, I've done
a very bad thing". The mother says, "Let me guess. You
passed a bullet into the toilet, right?". The daughter
looks up from her teary eyes and says, "Yes. How did
you know?". The mother comforts her child and explains
about the incident at the bank.

A month later her son comes up and says, "Mommy, I've
done a very Bad thing". The mother says, "You passed
a bullet into the toilet, right?". The son replies,
"No, I was masturbating and I shot our dog"

Sunday, December 31, 2006

This is my last posting in the diary for year 2006. It has been good year during the early months and slided down as time goes. however the last 2 weeks has been good with a 400 pedder and a few 50 - 60 pedders.

This year also formed our own soc after being in 2 GREAT society (Jurai Blood and BAHQ Cadets). Met a lot of friends in those two socs which remains to date.

All in all, hoping for an even better year in the coming 2007.

Wishing all fellow entropians


Liver and Cheese

There's a Chihuahua and a Pit Bull sitting at the bar.
In walks a hottie of a Poodle, strutting her stuff.
The bartender bets both of them that they could not
pick up on her, with a line using the words "liver"
and "cheese".

The Pit Bull goes first and walks proudly over to her
and says "I got some liver back at my place." She turns
her nose up, and looks the other way. He then says "I
bet when you cut the cheese, it smells sweet." She
almost gagged with disgust, and was getting ready to
walk out, when the Chihuahua rolls up, and says "Liver
alone, cheese mine!"


Wishful Rubbing

A few months after his parents were divorced, little
Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing
her body and moaning, "I need a man! I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this
several times. One day, he came home from school and
heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom,
he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into
his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his
bed, started stroking himself, and moaning:

"Ohh, I need a bike! Ahh, I need a bike!"


Aces High

It seems that a young man volunteered for military service
during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for
aviation that he was sent right to Pensecola skipping
boot camp.

The very first day at Pensecola he solos and is the
best flier on the base. All they could do was give him
his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft
carrier in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly
shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000
ft. he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all
down, too.

Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended,
circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing
on the deck.

He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over
to the captain. Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir,
how did I do on my very first day?"

The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, "You
make one velly impoltant mistake!"

Laughter The Best Medicine

Limbless on the Beach

A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach
one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun. All of
a sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and stops. "You
poor man," she says. "I bet you've never been kissed
have you?"

The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she bends
down and plants a good one right on the mouth.

A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe walks up.
"You look like you need a hug," she says.

He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a great
one, and walks away.

A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous girl walks
by. She stops, a sultry smile on her face and looks
down at him.

"Mister," she says, "Have you ever been screwed?"

"No," he says with a hopeful grin.

"Well, you are now. The tide's coming in."


Computer Gender

An English teacher was explaining to his students the
concept of gender association in the English language.
He noted how hurricanes at one time were given only
female names, and how ships and planes were usually
referred to as "she." One of the students raised her
hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher wasn't certain. So he divided the class
into two groups: males in one, females in the other,
and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine
or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons
for their recommendations.

The group of women concluded that computers should be
referred to as masculine because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn
them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems,
but half the time, they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if
you had waited a little longer, you could have had a
better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should
definitely be referred to as feminine because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal
logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with
other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term
memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories
for it.


Generous Travel Agent


A travel agent looked up from his desk and saw an older
lady and an older gentleman peering into the shop window,
where there were posters of glamorous destinations around
the world. The agent had a good week, and the dejected
couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling
of generosity. He called them into his shop.

"I know that on your pension you could never hope to
have a holiday, so I am sending you to a fabulous resort
at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write
two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.
The older lady and gentleman, as could be expected,
gladly accepted and were off!

About a month later, the little lady came in to the
travel agency.

"And how did you like your holiday?" the agent asked
eagerly.

"The flight was exciting, and the room was lovely,"
she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled
me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"